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I have to say, I think I got it out of my system today. I found all my "girlie" stuff that I was hanging on to, to pass down some days, and cried over it, and put it all in the garage. I want DH to do something with it. I don't think I want him to trash it just yet, but if it is a he after my next appointment, I will be trashing it.
So anyway, I cried my eyes out today. I am still a bit sad, but as I was sitting in the couch suffering through Glee's Whitney Houston tribute, I got another kick to the bladder, and that baby I saw rubbing it's head and sucking it's thumb yesterday, and waved at me. Is in there, and whatever it is, I'm ok with. I know I will love "him". It still melted my heart yesterday watching the screen.
Although I'm not sure how I am going to cope with yet another hair tugging thumbsucker.
So good, Ami! It sounds like you are handling it well!
This is just a thought, but if this baby does end up being a girl, have you considered donating your items to a children's shelter/house or even a battered women's shelter? Not to a place that will sell them but to a place where you know little girls can play with them and enjoy them? I think that would be an awesome way for your toys to live on!
You can always be yourself with us, none of us are here to judge!
Hugs- I think every loss of a dream in life deserves and needs to be grieved. I've had to let go of a lot of dreams in the last few years- having my children close together, and having a big family. Like you, I always pictured myself with a daughter someday. I can honestly say I will be happy to have another boy, but I do hope to have more children someday, either biologically or through adoption...so this hopefully isn't my last chance....although it could be.
__________________ Joyful Mama to 2 Sweet little boys
Ami- weird question, but even though finances are tight now (which I totally get, they are for us too) do you think at some point things will look up financially and adoption might be an option for you? You have so much love to give and it seems like it would be a perfect match for those sweet baby girls in China who are often abandoned...even if its ten years down the road...
Sounds like you are working through your emotions well! Never feel guilty about your feelings. I know you will love this baby regardless and its okay to grieve that loss. We are here anytime you need us