[mommysoon]

**This is mainly for SAHM's or when moms are on maternity leave. I understand that things are different when both parents are working.

Will you share night time duties? I was reading on another site where a husband was trying to approach his wife about how they handled night feedings. Mom was nursing, but expected Dad to bring the baby to her, change the diaper, burp, and take the baby back to bed after she nursed. Dad was nodding off at work and his performance was suffering.

My thoughts on the subject- If I'm exclusively breastfeeding, I don't really see the point in both of us getting up, since I'll already be up. It wouldn't be helpful for DH to give a bottle of pumped milk since I would still have to wake up to pump- I might as well feed the baby. Since I stay home, I can catch a cat nap, or worst case, if I'm a zombie, the baby isn't going to notice, and the older kids don't sign my paycheck, whereas DH gets paid to be productive.
I think, if we were formula feeding, I would ask DH to take Friday and Saturday nights, or maybe I'd head to bed early and ask him to be on duty until midnight or 1:00 am and then I'd be on duty after that- hopefully we could both get 5 or so hours of uninterrupted sleep in that case. But I just don't really see the point in both parents getting up every single time. *Also note that the baby in question was several months old at this point- it was not a case of first time parents who wanted marvel over their kid every chance they got ;-)
Other commenters felt that Dad should absolutely be getting up, since it was his baby too.
How did you/do you plan to handle this?

[nroundtr]

I think DH and I will talk and find a way that works for both of us. I won't deny him the opportunity to help out, but I'm not going to demand that he get up, especially while I'm on mat leave. Once I go back to work, we'll have to figure out a new schedule so we both get sleep, but I'm not going to insist that we both be up every night for every feeding - that just seems like a bad idea!

[Blessed Mommy Of 5]

As of now, it looks like DH will still be working 3rd shift when baby arrives. That means I will definitely have night shift 100%. I was always the one who got up with all of our babies during the night anyway. I really was hoping he would switch shifts; but not so much that I wanted his help with the night shift. I just wanted him home during those hours is all. I don't mind taking night shift

[DaniM0820]

DH is taking a whole week off from work after the baby is born so i think that will be great for trial runs When he goes back to work though, he is a drive so he really cannot be super tired because that would be dangerous. I know he's goin to wake up everytime Jordan cries or I get up, but if he can go right back to sleep then great! I told him that we'll see what happens--if I can get enough sleep during the day that I'm not a zombie, then I can probably take most of the night shifts no problem. If we're both suffering then we may as well suffer together. I think we will be able to work it out when the time comes though!

[OatmealKisses]

I got up with Jace. Hubby would get up with him occasionally when I was at my wits end, and he wasn't working. When he came home he's go to sleep, wake up, than I would go to sleep and he would wake Jace. Jace NEVER slept!! He was waking 10-20 times a night and never slept more than 20 minutes at a time 2-3 times a day. I frequently just had to stay up all night because he would wake up every half hour, than be up ALL day. I was DEAD! Hubby was working 70hrs a week and we lived thousands of miles from family/friends. So it was just me and Jace. That was it.

The last two nights he slept through the night, but that has NEVER happened before. I'm not holding my breath just yet. He can still wake anywhere from once to 6 times a night, depending on teething, etc...

Hubby's still going to be out of state for at least 10 more months, so I'll be doing it alone.

[NYCgirl]

Not much to it really. We co sleep and I breastfeed. So there is no getting out of bed to a crying baby on the monitor like in the movies. We never understood why anyone would put a baby in another room and have to get out of bed to feed or change him or her.

To each their own, but for us we all sleep SO much better all in one room.

[RunningMommyTo3]

I've been blessed with great sleepers, and I hope I'm as blessed again. But, in the early days and weeks, I try to handle the night time feedings myself. However, if it gets to a point where the baby isn't sleeping right after I nurse and is having crying periods at night. DH and I will have to share some of those. WHile I don't work, I still have a ton of responsibility that I'm responsible for around here. I'll be the one getting the older 2 to and from school, to and from football practice, and my 2 year old will be home with me all day. I can't exactly nod off and leave him to himself...it's just too dangerous with as "adventurous" as he is, LOL. Plus, I need a least a little sleep to be functional and to be able to handle my very active 6, 4, and 2 year old, as their ages are still pretty demanding of my time right now. If they were older and could fend for themselves, then it wouldn't even be a question, DH would sleep and i'd be up, but that's just not our situation. We've found that we're both better off each getting a few hours than one of us getting a full night's and the other getting none. Better for our functionality as a family, our relationship, and a few hours at least allows us to get through our equally long day without nodding off. That being said, I'm praying that she is just as great of sleeper as her brothers. Waking once at night to feed from birth and sleeping through the night by 5 weeks, God willing!

[morethanamom4]

I plan on nursing and don't really see any reason for DH to get up unless baby isn't hungry and just needs a diaper or something. Once we've got our nursing routine down and baby's latch is great, I'll be pumping so DH can bottle feed occasionally.

With DD2, DH got up for every single night feed (I didn't nurse her) even though he worked. He can function well on little sleep and had no issues with it.

[Lyz]

We shared night duties because she was bottled fed breastmilk. He would get up the first feed and I would the second. He'll be home for 2 weeks so we'll get a routine established. This time is different as I will have a 3 year old to be semi alert for the next day. Should be interesting

[Kierasmom]

I get up at night while breastfeeding. Makes no sense for both of us to be tired. My DH and older boys always make sure I can nap.

[3Sapphires]

I will be the one on night duty, I'm a SAHM and don't have to commute anywhere.

So I feed and burp and change, but if baby is ultra fussy I wake DH aka the burp whisperer to finish up the burping. usually takes him less than 5 minutes to get the last burp out.

[Angelamomtomany]

My DH is amazing and gets up with the older kids everyday. He lets me sleep until he has to go to work. SO I do not wake him at night.

[2Reasons2Smile]

I will be the one to get up through the night I EBF and don't pump basically at all. He works rotating shifts so his sleep gets messed up every two week as is.

[AmyT]

I will be the one up with baby at night. Like Katie, my other kids were always GREAT sleepers VERY early on, so I'm hoping for another good sleeper. But regardless, DH is the one that will have to get up and work the next day I will at least be able to nap after I get the big kids to school, so I will definately be the one up at night with the baby.

[LuxRuin]

I feel that since I exclusively breastfeed AND I am a SAHM that I should be doing the night time feedings/changings/soothing etc. DH can definitely get his fill when he's home and I'm cooking dinner, tending to the other kids etc. He is up at 5am so I never expected him to get up during the night. (I think that's unfair to expect.)

I can't imagine making him get up and get the baby and bring him to me. To me that's just wrong....

[Kris2you]

Since I will be EBF, I will be the one getting up (baby will be in our room anyway). Now if we were FF, dh would help but that is 100% his choice and he wont have it any other way.

[Mommy to 3 boys]

We will do the same as when Vinny was born. I exclusively BF and so I did all the night time feedings, changing, etc... no point in DH getting up just to get up. DH would get up with the Blake and Owen if they happened to wake up in the middle of the night (rarely happened). Our deal is that while he is on baby leave and when he is home at night after work, I take care of the Kara and he takes care of the boys like with most meals, baths, diaper changes, etc (Vinny will still be in diapers when Kara is born). With Owen, who I didn't BF very long, DH would get up with him if he woke up before 1am, I would get up with him after that most nights after Owen was older and only waking up a couple times a night... before that, I would just get up with him. This time we will play it by ear but since DH will be gone a lot again starting in November, he tends to take more night time responsibilities (if not BF) while he is home to give me a break.

[RunningMommyTo3]

I think I should also qualify why I said that DH does help out over night and we take turns if the baby's fussy. My DH works VERY long hours, from 745am to 1030pm. IF he were able to come home and relieve some of the duties around the house than there would be no question that I could nap later and I'd exclusively take over the nights. Since our reality is that we both have VERY long days that we both have to be awake and aware for (even if I am a SAHM, my job doesn't end and I'm solely responsible for everything with my young kids from waking to bedtime; we can't share any of my home duties during the early weeks), DH happily takes some shifts and will again. We've only experienced that for about 3 weeks with our oldest, though, then he stopped having his nighttime fussy periods. I just pray that what's worked with all of our boys will work with Bailey, too, so that it's a non-issue.

[Mommy to 3 boys]

Katie- I don't think you needed more justification. I know exactly what you mean. When I'm not BF, DH will get up for all feedings before 2am (this way he can get some sleep and not feel as if he should just be up for the day) and then I take the remaining feedings. We don't have great sleepers... Blake woke up once a night until he was 18 months old and since he was so small, we still needed to give him milk or formula when he woke up. Owen was better and started sleeping through the night at 6 months. Vinny ate every 2 hours day and night until he weaned himself at 1 year. I'm stuck in my situation because DH leaves a lot with the military but when he is home, he IS going to help lol. There were times with Vinny (he was on shore duty so he never left) that I would be resentful of him getting sleep so I would make noise or wake him up in the middle of the night LOL. He knew why and would talk to me for a minute so I didn't "accidently" hit him with a pillow or something lol.

[writerchick324]

I plan on being the sole person to get up at night while my boyfriend is working and I am on maternity leave. I am hoping there will be times where I can catnap throughout the day, and if not, I will just find a family member to help out so that I can! I don't think it's fair to make him get up with the kid if I have an opportunity to sleep during the day, but I won't tell him he is not allowed to if he wants to...which I doubt that will happen.

Once I return to work we will just need to set out specific days so that way one person does not feel like they have to do it more than the other.