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btdt moms ...what to tell first time moms


Forum: October 2012 Playroom

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  #1  
February 16th, 2012, 06:40 PM
Peytonsmomma
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btdt moms, what did you learn being a mom that shocked you that you didnt read in books that you can tell first time moms?

for me it was the lack of sleep, for 23 months my daughter was up every hour just like a newborn, for the first year it was every 15 mins, no one told me how hard breastfeeding would be or how you feel like a failure if you give your child formula after 7 months of trying, or how you seriously feel like a cow while nursing, and oh my goodness girls your nipples will HURT like a mother while nursing!!!! or what to do when your baby screams 24 -7 and you dont learn ( even tho the drs said you were wrong) that your child is lactose intolerant and allergic to basically everything! that you will get puked on, peed on, pooped on. You learn how to shower & eat fast...and while most are lucky to have men who help you, some are single moms, im so thankful i wont be a single mom this time!!
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  #2  
February 16th, 2012, 07:25 PM
Stilettos-N-Sippys's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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The thing that was most shocking to me was that breastfeeding is probably one of the hardest, most frustrating, exhausting commitment I had ever made. A couple weeks in it hurts like nothing you've ever felt.

You'll feel like a dairy cow when your baby wants to nurse SO often. It takes like 45 minutes a feeding, then you MAY get to sleep an hour or two then baby is ready for another round... it's completely exhausting.

I've had trouble with not having enough milk with each of my babies. I did EVERYTHING I could to increase it and it still didn't work well... and sometimes it takes baby a while to get the hang of it. You may feel like you're starving your lo. '

WITH THAT BEING SAID... It's a wonderful thing. It's all the good things people say it is... I just didn't know it was hard too.
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  #3  
February 16th, 2012, 07:33 PM
Kansascity kitty's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Ladies keep that belly MOISTURIZED!! Bio oil is the best. Don't scratch those bellies it helps promote our stretch mark friends!

I am sure I will get my share this time!! I don't have any!
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  #4  
February 16th, 2012, 07:56 PM
Peytonsmomma
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for some reason everything stinks to me! i bought bio oil and i almost barf with the smell, even though its a very light scent! maybe it will work out once i get regular stretch mark lotion in the mail?
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  #5  
February 17th, 2012, 05:16 AM
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keep em coming girls!!!
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  #6  
February 17th, 2012, 06:08 AM
mandattu_02's Avatar Mom to 2 beautiful babies
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I never imagined that breastfeeding would be so hard and that baby would not want to latch. I was so dead set on breastfeeding and Ryan just would not latch. He would scream for hours when you tried to get him latched on. We ended up exclusively pumping, which while time consuming, worked very well for us.

The other thing that freaked me out was how much babies sleep the first few weeks of life. Ryan slept for probably 21-22 hours a day. I thought something was seriously wrong with him bc/he was ALWAYS sleeping. I would have to wake him up to eat and then he would sleep through the whole feeding pretty much. After about a month, he woke up and hasn't looked back since!
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  #7  
February 17th, 2012, 06:12 AM
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I'm loving this. expecting my first, these are awesome pieces of advice. keep them coming
Thank you all!
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  #8  
February 17th, 2012, 06:46 AM
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1. It is normal to feel very overwhelmed at first. The "omg what did I get myself into?" feeling is very normal and it doesn't mean you don't love your baby or that you're a bad mommy. The hormones can really mess with you the first few weeks. I remember I thought I wasn't normal and that all the other moms I knew seemed to have it all together and fall perfectly into their mommy role. But when I really started talking with other moms, I realized I wasn't the only one who struggled at first.

2. If you're lucky and have an easy baby who sleeps a lot and doesn't cry much, ENJOY IT! If your baby is more difficult, know that it will get better! My baby wanted to be held all the time AND didn't like it when I sat so I had to spend the day walking in the house (or outside when the weather was good) with him in my arms. It was tough, but it passed

3. Before I had my first, I thought that a tired baby simply fell asleep, but it's not always the case. Some babies fight sleep, even when they're tired. I had to really learn to read my baby's cues to know when he was tired and to figure out how to get him to sleep even when he fought it (rocking him really worked well with my son). Once I figured that out, everything was so much better.
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  #9  
February 17th, 2012, 07:00 AM
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That babies can sense if you are uptight and nervous and will take the most advantage of it by freaking out and crying REAL loud. So, be relaxed. Walk away from the situation or baby rather than get all worked up. Baby will not die; will probably just sleep from exhaustion after working both of you up.

That been said; I had a wonderful baby. Great temperament; still great temperament today. However, stopped breastfeeding at 4 months and that makes you as the mom feel rejected. Got over it and pumped. She drank milk until 13 months. It is okay to pump (gives you more control) and it is great to freeze your milk. Both worked well for us.

That you may have a birth experience that is suboptimal compared to what you planned. It is okay as long as you and the baby are healthy. I spend days grieving not having the experience I wanted instead of focusing on the blessing of having a baby that is healthy (it could easily have gone the other way).

Also, people say they grow so fast; please believe us all. They do and you WILL miss the baby stage. So, enjoy every minute of it.

One more, at least for me, don't sweat the small stuff. My baby insisted on sleeping on her chest; after fighting her for a month, I gave it. And she is alive and well. She also used a pillow from couple of months; still loves her pillow today.

You are an expert of your own baby. Do whatever feels good for them and that does not jeopardize their health. They are resilient little things.
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  #10  
February 17th, 2012, 07:03 AM
**Jenn**'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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The only thing I can think of is that every baby is different. Your baby will do things on his/her own time. Don't try to rush it, let them be a baby. And comparing with other babies will get you nowhere.

Breastfeeding is hard work and exhausting and can be painful in the beginning even if you and baby are doing everything right. It will pass, the constant feeding during growth spurts will pass. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it, there are lactation consultants for a reason and they will do everything they can to help you and your baby have a successful nursing relationship.

Being a Mom is hard and its ok if you get frustrated with a baby that just.won't.stop.screaming. My first son had colic and it was awful. I'm not a proponenet of cry it out at all but if you're reaching your frustration breaking point the best thing to do is put the baby down and walk away for a few minutes to scream and cry and regroup. That does not make you a bad Mom, that makes you a responsible one.
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  #11  
February 17th, 2012, 07:08 AM
Peytonsmomma
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caroline~ i totally remember that, i just thought you laid your baby in there been and walla they would go to sleep! i remember the first week i slept on the floor, on the couch, the recliner was our bff for a while, you are so sleep deprived bc the last month of pregnancy is the worst and then the baby comes, my daughter hated swings and i thought every baby loved swings she had 5 lol!! i to thought every baby latched, but bc of how her birth was she was unable to latch on my left side for three weeks which means my milk had already came in on my right but not my left, then when i tried to get it to come in on my left, but then i got mastitis!
you start to know what life is really like at 5-6am cuz babies are up early for the day! you learn how to eat with one hand, you also learn what to eat bc if you breastfeed everything you eat can affect your baby! which then the gas pains are the worst
and just when you think you have a routine down....your baby changes it

*bed
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  #12  
February 17th, 2012, 07:11 AM
MoonAngel702's Avatar ~Staying Positive~
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I love these! Thanks so much for sharing!
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  #13  
February 17th, 2012, 07:21 AM
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-breastfeeding HURTS you're nipples something FIERCE for the first week or two. Nobody told me that and I didn't expect it! And its OKAY if you have to supplement with formula, it happens, you ARE NOT a failure and your baby isn't going to blame you for it!
-BE FLEXIBLE. Every woman envisions their perfect birth and whatnot, but ALWAYS expect the unexpected. Be flexible and realistic that you MIGHT not get a natural birth, or meds may be needed, or a c-section could be in your best interest. Don't set yourself up for disappointment, keep an open mind with your birth, baby will get here one way or the other!
-Most labor inducing techniques are a complete waste of time. Walk to be healthy, have sex to enjoy those last few times that you dont have to RUSH it with your partner lol! Spicy food wont make you have a baby, it will give you heartburn, and castor oil will inevitably give you the poops of your life! Baby will come when they are good and ready, then end gets unbearably difficult sometimes and some women will try anything! Let baby decide when he/she is ready, less stress on you!
-the first poop after birth will be scarier than the birth itself! lol
-listen to your baby. Don't ever expect things to happen on YOUR schedule, baby makes the rules now, just go with the flow.
-Do what works for YOU and your baby, not what others say does! Its trial and error all the way. With my first I was SO caught up with what my mom and family had to say, I felt like i did everything wrong. I was so stressed and sleep deprived until i started doing what WORKED for us, even if other people thought i was a terribleee mom!!
-i have more but Im running out of time! LOL
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Last edited by momopotamus; February 17th, 2012 at 07:25 AM.
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  #14  
February 18th, 2012, 04:59 AM
Kansascity kitty's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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wanted to bump this!
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  #15  
February 18th, 2012, 05:19 AM
bryan and nina's Avatar Love being a mommy!
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This is great!! As a first time mom, I love reading these. Thanks for sharing ladies!!
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  #16  
February 18th, 2012, 06:06 AM
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Love these!
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  #17  
February 18th, 2012, 06:13 AM
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YOU are the best advocate for your baby, and YOU know your baby better than anyone. Trust your Mommy instincts and do what you feel is right for you and your baby. Don't worry about how someone else does something or what the books say or that you'll be judged...just do the best you can and it will be okay!

Think of everything in small increments. For laboring, my thought was "I can do anything for 1 minute." No matter how badly it hurts, I can do it for 1 minute. Later with a baby, think of things in hours. "I CAN make it through the next hour." It is easy to feel overwhelmed and start getting down because it seems like years before you'll ever get to sleep again, but if you break it down into small time periods, you can feel successful when you make it through each one.

Laugh. There will be times that you have poop in your hair. Your house will be dirty. You will forget important things. It is all okay...just laugh at yourself and know that other Mamas have been there, too.

Finally, I have to just tell you all about my breastfeeding experience since it doesn't seem to be normal. I never had pain...no soreness, no bleeding nipples, nothing. I had a wonderful experience and thought it was the most natural, beautiful thing I could ever give my child. I know it doesn't work that way for everyone, but since there are so many scary stories out there, I want to reassure you that it won't necessarily be painful and awful!
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  #18  
February 18th, 2012, 06:49 AM
**Jenn**'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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^^^That's how my last breastfeeding experience was. I never had any pain or soreness, it was wonderful from the get go. With each of the boys it was just the first 2 weeks of my nipples getting used to it that it hurt but after that it was fine. And I've been nursing collectively for over 5 years and counting. All in all its truly a wonderful experience.
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  #19  
February 18th, 2012, 07:18 AM
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Breastfeeding CAN be super hard, and frustrating. I know I had a hard time at first because I thought it was supposed to be natural, and why wasn't it easy for me? My first son had a terrible latch, and then when he was 3 I found out he had a motor planning issue with his jaw/tongue and it explained SO much why I had a hard time with him. I ended up switching him to formula at 3 months because I just couldn't do it anymore. My second son was born and was a breastfeeding pro and he is almost 18 months and still nursing. So every baby is different, so every decision should be too! Whatever you decide, remember it's right for YOU!

Make sure your bags are packed before 37 weeks. I did not at all think I would go early with my first, but he was born at 38 weeks and I had nothing packed and had to do it while my water was broken and in labor, lol!

Have a general idea of what your birthing plan will be, but be flexible. The births of both of my children were very different than I planned, but in the end they were both healthy and happy.
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  #20  
February 18th, 2012, 07:43 AM
**Jenn**'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Milly View Post
Breastfeeding CAN be super hard, and frustrating. I know I had a hard time at first because I thought it was supposed to be natural, and why wasn't it easy for me? My first son had a terrible latch, and then when he was 3 I found out he had a motor planning issue with his jaw/tongue and it explained SO much why I had a hard time with him. I ended up switching him to formula at 3 months because I just couldn't do it anymore. My second son was born and was a breastfeeding pro and he is almost 18 months and still nursing. So every baby is different, so every decision should be too! Whatever you decide, remember it's right for YOU!

Make sure your bags are packed before 37 weeks. I did not at all think I would go early with my first, but he was born at 38 weeks and I had nothing packed and had to do it while my water was broken and in labor, lol!

Have a general idea of what your birthing plan will be, but be flexible. The births of both of my children were very different than I planned, but in the end they were both healthy and happy.
Yes it definitely can. I had a very hard time with my first which actually involved relactating at one point. When people say breastfeeding is natural I think the misconception is that it is easy. Not true, it can be difficult emtionally and physically. There can be quite the learning curve for both you and baby. There's a lot of things that are natural that aren't easy. And not everyone's experience will be the same, even for the same Mom with different kids. I know my nursing experiences were different with all three of my kids and I'm sure the new baby will be different in its own way. There may be some things to work through or you could have no issues whatsoever. But that's parenthood. You can't control or plan everything (or anything for that matter). Its all part of going with the flow and being flexible and doing what is best for you and your baby with the information you have at the time. If you're upset and stressed, so will your baby be. A happy Mom makes a happy baby.

I think we can all give general advice and heads up for common things to look out for but each of our babies will be so different and the way we parent and what is most important to us will also be so different. Just know that you're the Mom and you know best. It doesn't matter what your sister or your cousin or your next door neighbor did. Its what works for you and your child.
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