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Well, I'm out.
I already had a bad feeling about the appointment this morning going in, like I knew we weren't going to be able to hear the heartbeat. That did end up being the case, and I knew in my head that it could just be too early, but I felt like my gut was telling me something was wrong. They offered to either have me come back in a week and try again, or schedule me an u/s. Since tomorrow is my birthday, I really didn't want to spend it worrying and thought what an amazing birthday present an u/s picture would be. They were able to get me in at the nearby hospital 2 hours later.
Unfortunately, as soon as I saw the ultrasound I knew something was wrong. There was my uterus, all big and stretched out. And totally empty. Well, not totally empty. We ended up finding a tiny little blob, but there was no movement and definitely no heartbeat. They prescribed me medication to induce the expulsion of the miscarriage.
I'm just in shock. This pregnancy in itself was just a shock, and my boyfriend and I quickly and successfully overhauled our lives to accommodate this baby. And now, just as quickly, it was taken away just as we were getting excited (we planned on officially announcing tomorrow, for my birthday).
You ladies have been amazing and hopefully mine will be the last of these posts on the Oct. 2012 DDC.
Thanks, all.
It still just seems unreal. BF offered me a drink when we got home and it felt so...wrong. Like I still can't wrap my head around the fact that the pregnancy is basically over.
I told my boss (he knew about the pregnancy) what happened that I would need some personal time off. As weird as it feels to know I'm hauling a dead fetus around inside of me, I think I am going to hold off on starting the medication until Thursday, so I can at least try and make the best out of my birthday and not add insult to injury by being in pain and bleeding all over the place.
you and your family are in my prayers
January 2, 2012 
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