[ashley5]

Exuse me but I have to take a moment and rant about my MIL.

She completely disagrees with the way we chose to raise our family, and the amount of time she's allowed to see her. Since both of our parents live close and would love to see our daughter all day every day that just isn't going to happen. We both work full-time, Ava goes to daycare, but that only allows weekends for fun family activities and we dont' always want the grandparents around. We go with the flow of life, but make sure the grandparents get to at least see her every other weekend, and get some fun alone time with her so dh and I can go out on a date. I'm not going to call every weekend to see if she wants to hang out with us, just not happening, but I did tell my mil that if she'd like to hang out with all of us just call and if we're not busy we'll be more than happy.

Here's were the problem is: she thinks i should always call her to hang out never her calling me; she wants only alone time with Ava, doesn't want me around at all b/c she thinks I'm babysitting her, she'd like to take our daughter wherever she likes and when ever, kind of like we're at her beck n call with our daughter.

A couple of weekends dh and her got into a big argument about time spent with Ava. DH told her she's not getting anymore alone time with her, and he's not telling his wife she can't spend time with her daughter b/c his moms wants to. He said why can't both of you hang out with Ava since you both want to be around her and play. I thought that was a nice comprise, which is what i do with my parents. I figured since i'm a working mom, she's my first born, we all want to spend time with her so why cant we together? Well she hated the idea, says she it's me babysitting her, no fair to her, etc. I sat down and talked with her monday night, and she told me all the samething and that she's hurt she's not invited more to special family events we do. i asked like what? well when we took Ava to the pumpkin patch for the first time she wanted to go. i told her since i work full time there's alot of milestones and first i naturally miss out on, and the ones in my control we like to experience as a family first before inviting grandparents. i told her maybe this year or next year they'll come. she didn't understand, she thought she should be invited all the time.

I always had this feeling like she tries to take away my special moments with Ava or take away my first with her. Kinda like she stomps on my ground too much. She tries to play mommy too much with her, and competes with me on who knows MY child better. A perfect example is when Ava feel walking one time, i picked her up b/c she was cryng then my mil came over and took MY crying daughter out of MY hands to comforter her. It was the first time she's done something like that. Plus she always second guesses what we allow her to eat. She's still a toddler, has no idea what candy, pop, etc is so doens't know to ask or whine for those items. I figured what better time then now to get her taste buds loving fruit and veggies! We stick to a basic healthy diet, of fruit/veggies for snacks most of the time, and healthy dinners. We dont' give her the gummy toddler treats or anthing yet, just b/c i want her to get use to hopefully liking those foods. Well everytime we're over there it's a battle of her trying to give Ava gummy treats or juice etc b/c on the package it says 100% juice! are you kidding me!!!!

sorry end of rant. I just had to get all that off my chest, she's been driving me crazy, and no matter how much I try to get her to listen, and at least respect our wishes on how WE her parents want to raise her, she gets mad. I'm afraid this will harm our relationship, b/c there's a lot of tension when we're all together. The sad thing is we use to have a great relationship until Ava came along then the disagreements came. I'm afraid when Ava gets a little older that they will try to get in Ava's head to have her ask mom for this or that just so they can get their way.

[AltMommy]

I'm so sorry, I deal with an overbearing MIL also. I totally feel where your coming from. It's so frustrating because there isn't much we can do about it. You sound like your'e a great parent though and it's annoying when grandparents think everything has to be the way THEY raised their family. And to stick with "tradition". I don't even have a child yet, and I'm already getting crap about the way I want to birth, breastfeed, and raise him. Ugh!

[revolutionarygirl]

(a) what if you let her take her sometimes during the day instead of daycare? wouldn't this be good for everyone...?

(b) I think you should probably have as nice of a talk as you can with her about your feelings, ie, what amount of "parenting" from her is accepted. It's your child. I'd say something kinda like "we're so glad you want to spend so much time with Ava and you love her so much" and then say something like "when you _____ it makes me feel like you're not letting me be the mother. I really need you to ______ (respect my parenting choices)"
OR SOMETHING.

[starsandstripes]

I'm wondering...is your hubby her only child? OR if he's not...what's her relationship like with her other children...and does she have any GIRLS of her own? I'm just wondering if she's feeling this way because she never got to experience it and she's wanting to experience that mother/daughter relationship?? That's NOT an excuse and I'm definitely not trying to make excuses for her, but the relationship you have with your parents is "different" (I know mine is anyway). I'm WAY more comfortable around my mom and I know that I'll hang with my mom all day long with my kids because I'm comfortable with her. I can walk around in my pj's if I want to...my house can be a mess (she'd clean it up.....lol...but StILl). I care more about what my MIL thinks than my mom because she's my "mom". Does that make sense? I know my MIL feels the same way. If I were HER daughter, she wouldn't feel that way...but I'm not. That being said, I'm the same way with my MIL only she's opposite. She only wants to see our kids when it's convenient for her. I think this is probably something on her end that she's going to have to deal with You most certainly aren't doing anything wrong....it's YOUR daughter and YOU should decide how she's raised and how much time she has with relatives. She needs to understand that you work and YOUR time is limited with Ava. She needs to be more respectful of you wanting to spend more time with her because you work all week ((hug)) I'm sorry!

[KMH]

(((HUGS))) If my MIL ever tried to take DD out of my arms, I think I would punch her....seriously!

I'm sorry you are dealing with such a woman...this makes me glad that I live 22 hours away from my MIL While it hasn't come up as much with parenting, I also have a MIL who doesn't respect my DH and I as adults who can make our own decisions. It is frustrating and hurtful to us that she refuses to live in reality, but we have tried everything with her. It has damaged our relationship, but I don't know what other option there is!

You have EVERY right to have family time with Ava and your DH and not have other extended family intrude on your experiences! Being a Grandma is a privilege, not a right, and sometimes I think they forget that.

I wish I had some great advice...please know you aren't alone, and you aren't wrong for feeling the way that you feel.

[ashley5]

No she works full time still monday thru friday and isn't able to babysit instead of daycare. But I guess it's one of those situations that if you bend for one grandparent you have to bend for the other thing I don't want to run up to.

Yes she has a daughter so it's just dh and his sister. But it's a long story, here's a short version. We haven't seen his sister in over 5yrs. His sister is kinda crazy I think (and beginning to think it runs in the family females anyways). His sister has a daughter and a son which we've never met her son. My MIL pretty raised her granddaughter kennedy for 5yrs, b/c his sister was very unrealiable/unpredicable. His mom picked her up from daycare or school until about 6pm, then had her pretty much every weekend all wknd long. Then his sister and parents had a big falling out and she didn't want anything to do with them, and we haven't seen her since. It's very sad actually, and I imagine it left a lot of emotional scars that she's not willing to admit or face. To have a granddaughter you raise for 5yrs ripped from you and go without seeing her for over 5yrs has to do a number on you mentally. But she says she's fine, and didn't affect her, and the reason she's acting this way isn't b/c of what happened, and she didn't expect to have Ava as much. I don't believe it, but I know there's some underlying issues she has to deal with.

[Mrs.Paradise]

WOW!!! i know you have had problems with your MIL in the past too... UGH! what a big fat pain in the butt!!! Im sorry you have to deal with this... hopefully she can grow up a little bit and realize how crazy she is being! so she doesnt loose you guys too!

[kaylarayne]

I totally get the In-law issue. My In-laws ae the same and with ds they tried to take a lot of "firsts" away from me as well. If I had another option of who will watch my dd when she is born I would take it, but I don't We don't have the funds for full time day care at this point in time. My In-Laws are VERY overbearing at times and I am terrified that they will ve the same with this baby but even worse because it is the first girl in the family for a long time. I have my dd from a previous marriage but they just don't accept her the same as "blood". I know it sucks and is unacceptable but we have managed it for the past 10 years. It is just all very frustrating. I wish you lots of luck and if you come up with a solution PLEASE share

[GracieNAmelia'sMommy]

UGH! MILS. I say stick to your guns Mama. You are her parents and that is that.

[yashobo]

Sorry you are having to deal with this, particularly when pregnant. I agree with you; whatever time you allot to them is your decision not theirs. As you suspected, I think a lot of the issues probably have to do with trying to use your daughter to replace her daughter and granddaughter. Just stand your ground in a respectful way. She'll eventually come around and respect your family's decision on the issue.

[ashley5]

Thanks ladies for listening to my rant. I'm hoping down the road, hopefully soon she'll come around. ahhhhhh gotta love family issues

[mom2xander]

Okay, that is seriously ridiculous. My mom has essentially been Xander's other parent, because his dad has not been around, not even a phone call. And she wouldn't even do things like that!! Just stand your ground, tell her what is and isn't acceptable, and that she can either accept it or not but that's they way it is, and that if she keeps trying to push for more she will stop being invited to things altogether. She's an adult, you're the parent so it's about you and your daughter NOT her.