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Ending BF


Forum: October 2012 Playroom

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  #1  
December 5th, 2012, 12:04 PM
LoverlyJules's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Mamas who have stopped BF ...

How did you come to that decision? I've really been struggling with it lately. Feeling overwhelmed. I think the pressure I'm putting on myself is too much. I freak out about what I eat to the point of not eating much at all. I get frustrated during feelings and I think that translates to Madalyn. I feel REALLY guilty about thinking about stopping BF, but I'm wondering if it might be best for my sanity.

Thoughts?
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  #2  
December 5th, 2012, 12:13 PM
bryan and nina's Avatar Love being a mommy!
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Aww Jessica. hon it really sounds like you may be suffering from ppd. talk to your doctor about that first before deciding whether or not to stop, ok? It sounds like you have a lot of anxiety going on and I'm sure that affects your bf relationship. This is making me sad because you have always been so positive and upbeat. I hope your doctor can give you answers and give you a prescription if you need it.
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  #3  
December 5th, 2012, 12:47 PM
ashley5's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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It's a tough decision, but try not to stress yourself out. It's understandable and i think the baby does feel that tension/stress plus it doesn't help your supply. I felt like that with my daughter, but with Hunter I just feel more relaxed and go with the flow. I figured if bfing doens't workout for whatever reason no biggie, it's what i want but as soon as i took the pressure off myself my bfing experience was great! Plus the special time I had with both of them with nursing is so special and something i know my daughter enjoyed the older she got, i nursed her about 18months roughly.

Dont worry about what your eating or drinking (within reason for the drinking lol not saying booze it up), and just do what you normally do. See how that goes for a couple of weeks. I think sometimes reading others posts or googling can freak/scare a mom when it comes to bfing. Good luck with your decision, but i would suggest to say screw it to all the stress and just eat normal and enjoy the special time, it'll fly by.
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  #4  
December 5th, 2012, 01:01 PM
Summerdays12's Avatar Erin&Aaron's1st!
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I was very very stressed and overwhelmed when it came to what I was eating. I even posted about it on here as well as talked to my LC. I felt much better after knowing that sticking to a perfect diet with exactly 500 extra calories really wasn't what I HAD to do. I know that's what we all read and I am sure it's great to eat a perfect diet and eat the extra 500 calories but it doesn't have to be exact . I stopped counting calories and stopped thinking about food. I let it go. I eat when I'm hungry and I bring snacks with me if I leave the house just in case I get the munchies. Hugs to you Jessica..I feel for you. I know you will get some better advice from other mommies in our group but I just wanted to let you know you're doing a great job, I know you are and feeling overwhelmed and guilty is not uncommon. I agree with Nina, talk to your dr. first.
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  #5  
December 5th, 2012, 01:07 PM
Jinnah
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Summerdays12 View Post
I was very very stressed and overwhelmed when it came to what I was eating. I even posted about it on here as well as talked to my LC. I felt much better after knowing that sticking to a perfect diet with exactly 500 extra calories really wasn't what I HAD to do. I know that's what we all read and I am sure it's great to eat a perfect diet and eat the extra 500 calories but it doesn't have to be exact . I stopped counting calories and stopped thinking about food. I let it go. I eat when I'm hungry and I bring snacks with me if I leave the house just in case I get the munchies. Hugs to you Jessica..I feel for you. I know you will get some better advice from other mommies in our group but I just wanted to let you know you're doing a great job, I know you are and feeling overwhelmed and guilty is not uncommon. I agree with Nina, talk to your dr. first.
I successfully breastfed my oldest three children for 12-14 months. Please do not worry so much about what you are eating! I agree with what Summerdays said above. Don't worry about counting all the calories and all that. I have never done that and all of my kids are healthy. Is there something specific you feel you need to avoid eating?
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  #6  
December 5th, 2012, 01:15 PM
doremi's Avatar Team Blue Mama of Two
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I agree that it would be good to rule out PPD first. BUT, that being said, if you truly feel stopping bf-ing is best for you, then you have to find peace with it and not let others guilt you into second guessing yourself. You love your baby, and you will make sure she is well fed. That is what matters the most.
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  #7  
December 5th, 2012, 01:17 PM
LoverlyJules's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I just feel like every time she spits up or has gas or her tummy is rumbly it must be my fault. I already have to eat gluten-free because I have issues and so cutting out other things that might affect her make me really stressed. For a few days I tried cutting out dairy, but I don't think it really made a difference.

Part of my issue as well is that I'm just feeling overwhelmed in general and I feel it's adversely affecting our BF relationship and then that intensifies the anxiety. I'm feeling a lot of pressure that she is only reliant on me for nourishment and it's making me feel very anxious and inadequate. Also - returning to school is causing me some real nervousness and adding to that trying to pump throughout the day is difficult as well.

I will discuss with my doctor tomorrow at my 6 week check, it's just been a really rough last few days.

Thanks for the thoughts/advice.
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  #8  
December 5th, 2012, 01:41 PM
Jinnah
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Originally Posted by LoverlyJules View Post
I just feel like every time she spits up or has gas or her tummy is rumbly it must be my fault. I already have to eat gluten-free because I have issues and so cutting out other things that might affect her make me really stressed. For a few days I tried cutting out dairy, but I don't think it really made a difference.

Part of my issue as well is that I'm just feeling overwhelmed in general and I feel it's adversely affecting our BF relationship and then that intensifies the anxiety. I'm feeling a lot of pressure that she is only reliant on me for nourishment and it's making me feel very anxious and inadequate. Also - returning to school is causing me some real nervousness and adding to that trying to pump throughout the day is difficult as well.

I will discuss with my doctor tomorrow at my 6 week check, it's just been a really rough last few days.

Thanks for the thoughts/advice.
If you feel overwhelmed with it and have things like school that make it difficult, that is one thing, but please don't quit over what you are eating! Babies are just gassy and get rumbly tummies at times! It's okay!

I totally get being overwhelmed that you are the only one that can feed your little one. Sometimes, I think about that and I'm like, "Woah!" but then I just relax and think about how it's only a short time in the grand scheme of things.

Will your baby drink from a bottle? When you feel overwhelmed, you could always let someone else feed baby. It's not the end of the world.

Honestly, if you just want to quit because you don't like it, that's okay too! Don't beat yourself up over this!
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  #9  
December 5th, 2012, 01:42 PM
bostoncreampie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I will say that I think you should stick with it for a bit. At least until 3 months, if you can. If you are truly depressed, then by all means you should stop and think about your needs. But I can say that I was in your shoes with my first son. I cried literally at every feeding for the first month. It was so awful. I hated it and I felt SO guilty about stopping. It felt like I would be failing and I couldn't do that. Of course I wouldn't have, and if I had the right support system I would have felt fine with stopping. But my stubborn self kept going, and I went for over 4 more years straight until my second son weaned a few months ago. Not that you want to think about nursing for that long right now, lol. But I say this because it got so much easier for me. I just kept setting goals. First was 6 weeks, then was 3 months, then 6 months, then a year, and it was so easy and wonderful and nursing a toddler had so many wonderful benefits that I didn't stop then either. It WILL get better. I promise you. Now is really hard, but it won't always be like this.

Another thought is that you don't need to feel pressured for all or nothing. ANY amount of nursing you give is worth a lot. Even if you just nurse a few times a day like before work and in the evenings, she is getting plenty of benefits from it. I say the same thing even for mamas who don't produce anything. Just the skin to skin and cuddling, once she is doing better with the technique, will be beneficial.

Whatever you do, we will support you. But I think you should give it a few more weeks to see if things improve.
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  #10  
December 5th, 2012, 01:53 PM
JillMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I was the same with you about food, but the truth is, they are babies with immature digestive systems, they will spit up and have gas no matter what u eat. I cut my dairy a lot, but I still have some sometimes and he's totally fine!!! the only thing I know for sure upset him is taco seasoning and pizza sauce, so I obviously avoid those. I switched to Almond milk which is so yummy, so I drink decaf chai with vanilla almond milk, I make hot cocoa with it, use it in my cereal etc... and if I want cheese on my burger or sandwich, I eat it and he's fine =)
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  #11  
December 5th, 2012, 04:22 PM
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I agree with what everyone else said. At first I was thinking the food I was eating was causing Reeds problems, but out wasn't and now I eat whatever. I switched to almond milk at first and now I am addicted to it. lol Good luck hon. know we are ask here to support you.
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  #12  
December 5th, 2012, 04:46 PM
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I was this way with my first. My mom finally sat me down and told me, Ashley, your baby needs a calm mother more than she needs your milk. Don't drive yourself crazy. I am pumping & supplementing this time. Meghan wanted to eat for 45 minutes every two hours. I can honestly say I just couldn't handle it. You gave to do what is best for you & your family...no regrets, no judgement! You are an awesome mother no matter what!
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  #13  
December 5th, 2012, 04:51 PM
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i felt frustrated and guilty for thinking about it but stopping is the best thing i ever did.
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  #14  
December 5th, 2012, 05:02 PM
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Oh Mama, that sounds really hard - sending you e-hugs! I second what the moms said about talking to your doctor, but just know that part of taking care of your family is taking care of yourself and sometimes it's ok to say you know what we need a change. After a battle with breastfeeding and our little one having trouble getting enough food, we swapped to exclusively pumping. That was after meeting with a lactation consultant at the hospital and at home. It was a really hard transition for me - I felt like I was failing our daughter somehow, but you know what - she's happier now that I am feeding her pumped milk, I'm happier because I can see she's doing well and I am glad now that I made a change. Only you can decide what the right thing for you is, but I hope you get some good support from your doc and partner and also please remember - you stressing about this just shows how much you care as a mama and whatever you decide to do your little one is still getting lots of love and comfort!
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  #15  
December 5th, 2012, 05:13 PM
cincy1luv's Avatar 1st time mommy
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I agree with all the ladies! Hugs to you!
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  #16  
December 5th, 2012, 06:27 PM
JillN31's Avatar Veteran
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Breastfeeding can be very overwhelming, especially with your first IMO. Many of us (myself included) put too much pressure on ourselves. I remember feeling like if the baby was fussy it was because of something that I was doing or eating, but that simply is not true. Babies are fussy and gassy and I'd be willing to bet that it has nothing to do with your diet. Some babies do actually have a milk allergy, but beyond that, the things you eat are very likely not affecting your baby and it is not worth making yourself crazy about it. From experience, by the time babies get to 12 weeks old everything gets easier, whether you are breastfeeding or not.
I was very overwhelmed with my first son so I feel for you. It's crappy to feel stressed and anxious all the time.
Deciding to continue or quit breastfeeding is a personal decision and you should do whatever you feel will make you and your little one's life happier. I remember when I was in the hospital after delivering my first I as freaking out about being the primary caregiver for this tiny little thing and the pediatrician looked at me and said, "There are a lot of things you will do as a parent but just remember if everytime he looks up at you he sees a smiling face, you're doing a good job." I've remembered that with all three of my children. It was good advice.
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  #17  
December 5th, 2012, 06:33 PM
JillN31's Avatar Veteran
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Also wanted to add that you don't HAVE to pump when you return to school if you don't want to. You can supplement with formula and your body will adjust to feeding her when you are with her. With my first two, I stopped pumping at work after six months but continued to breastfeed when I was with them in the evenings and on the weekends and they got formula the rest of the time.
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  #18  
December 6th, 2012, 12:13 AM
ashley5's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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for feeling overwhelmed have you thought about some sort of meditation? you might not be a spiritual person and you don't have to be to meditate. it'll help you relax and unwind your mind. id suggest that too especially if your already feeling stress and gonna be going back to school.
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  #19  
December 6th, 2012, 02:01 AM
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You are a great mom. If you weren't you wouldn't care so much. Depression of any sort is hard but you're not alone. *hugs*
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  #20  
December 6th, 2012, 08:43 AM
Kansascity kitty's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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It is an emotional roller coaster when you make this decision. I love BFing but you also have to do what is best for the pair of you. Don't beat yourself up (try not to) Big hugs.
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