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Help! My girl does not want me to put her down!


Forum: October 2012 Playroom

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  #1  
January 7th, 2013, 07:00 PM
Teeniemama's Avatar Super Mommy
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Y'all I cannot put my girl down! When we wake up in the morning she's okay for about an hour just laying around looking up at the chandelier, which has a small stuffed Cookie Monster stuck in it. Then when she gets tired of that, she wants mama to hold her, and that's most of the rest of the day except when she's napping. This morning I tried to start "training" her to not be held -- I put her in her car seat and sat it in the bathroom where I was getting ready to go out for a doctor's appointment. She was ok at first and then she started crying and then screaming. So I picked her up, calmed her down, and put her back. Again, same thing, except it got worse and worse. She turned very red, had tears streaming down her face, was making choking noises, etc. I picked up her up (and every time I picked her up she was immediately fine) and then put her back several times. She never did stop fussing, and by the time I was ready to go I felt exhausted. I cannot stand to see her upset like that. Then, at the doctor's appointment, I had to hold her or else she'd start crying, and finally a nurse held her so I could get my exam. If she's being held she's happy, especially if she's being held by me. I can't hold her all the time. Am I doing the right thing to let her go into a frenzy? How do we get past this? ***she also prefers for me to walk! My feet are really starting to hurt. She is my boss lady for sure.
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  #2  
January 7th, 2013, 07:24 PM
Summerdays12's Avatar Erin&Aaron's1st!
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Is this something new that she is doing??
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  #3  
January 7th, 2013, 07:55 PM
bostoncreampie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Aw. Ruby is similar sometimes but she's my last baby so I'm soaking it up. Do you have a swing or bouncy chair with toys attached?
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  #4  
January 7th, 2013, 07:58 PM
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Mine has a new found love for a play mat with toys hanging & her vibrating bouncy chair. Between the two I can get about 45 minutes.
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  #5  
January 7th, 2013, 08:29 PM
AltMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Same thing here. I'ts exhausting, having to hold him practically 24 hrs a day (yep, hold him while we sleep too)

I think some babies just need to feel more secure. It's nothing we are doing wrong or can really change. I just have to keep reminding myself this phase won't last long and try to enjoy the constant one on one time we get. Hugs! It will get better.
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  #6  
January 7th, 2013, 09:57 PM
michellelove0502's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I hold Jayden a lot but when he is fed, dry diaper and looking at me I dont rush to picl him up. i will let him cry it out because I dont have time to walk around with him all day. I woild try to pick her up less each day lol
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  #7  
January 8th, 2013, 12:04 AM
doremi's Avatar Team Blue Mama of Two
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^^ I totally agree. Babies this age are NOT ready to cry it out. Do you have a carrier? When Jamison is super fussy, he absolutely loves the confinement of the ergo. He also loves to alternate between his bouncy seat and the swing. I understand feeling like you need your hands free and have things you need to get done, but I would not try to "train" her to be okay on her own at this point. It is one thing to let them cry for a minute if you are in the middle of something and can't pick them up (like when you're peeing LOL), but it is not developmentally appropriate to CIO yet.
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  #8  
January 8th, 2013, 02:55 AM
michellelove0502's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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It doesn't work for everyone but it certainly works for me, my pediatrician recommended it and now Jayden doesn't cry for me to pick him up every 5 minutes and guess what? I can cook dinner, I can do laundry, I can take a shower, I get everything done I need to get done because my baby isn't looking for my attention all day long, he is independently playing and that is exactly what I strived for so I am pleased with letting him cry it out for a couple minutes while I am still within his vision because now he is still a happy baby and I don't have to risk my hygiene or sanity for it lol. I just give him a pacifier or talk excitedly to him and he calms down. But obviously do whatever works best for you, this was just recommended to me by family friends and a doctor.
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Last edited by michellelove0502; January 8th, 2013 at 03:00 AM.
  #9  
January 8th, 2013, 04:50 AM
JillMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I think Zoe (that's your name Cuatx, right) and Sarah ment CIO as in paying no attention to him while he cries. You talking him through it, being present, giving him his paci helps. Although me personally I would wait another month or two before doing it, but I don't have a fussy needy baby so who knows what I would do if I were desperate enough.
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  #10  
January 8th, 2013, 05:59 AM
michellelove0502's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I mean i dont have a fussy needy baby either but if he is acting s little fussy i believe picking him up right away is giving him the wrong message and I like how independent he is already becoming. I didnt want anyone to think I just let him cry without being there, I help him calm down but I dont have him attached to me 24/7. Everyones parenting styles are different though and what works for me doesnt work for everyone. I just know theres a lot I have to get done in a day and wouldnt be able to if he was always attached to me.
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  #11  
January 8th, 2013, 06:13 AM
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Aw, it can be tough when babies go thru a needy phase, but they aren't crying to be manipulative or just to annoy you...they need to be comforted. George is pretty easy going and is happy just about all the time, but a lot of days Abigail needs to be held and snuggled a lot. It can be hard to get anything done, but making your baby feel safe, secure, and loved is by far the #1 priority....when they don't need you later you'll feel sad

Agree with the suggestions the other ladies made...my babies love the swing with the rotating mobile above it, or even the ceiling fan! They are also starting to love toys that play music or have lights, so maybe you could try that?
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  #12  
January 8th, 2013, 06:27 AM
bostoncreampie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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when babies this young cry it out, they haven't learned to self soothe, but rather that their cries don't mean anything.

when we are driving and ruby is crying i hate when she settles down. sometimes i'll jokingly call to her to keep on crying and not give up. when she does, i feel like she's losing brain cells. its called learned helplessness, and when a baby stops crying he has essentially learned that his cry isnt listened to so why bother. the stress hormones released in that situation really do interrupt brain cell development. no thanks!

i think its important to teach a baby that their cry will be attended to immediately, as thats the only way they know how to communicate at this age.

another idea is maybe the things you have are too stimulating. ruby hates the vibration on her chair and prefers her stationary gym over the one that moves.
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  #13  
January 8th, 2013, 06:34 AM
ashley5's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hunter went through a fussy phase not that long ago, it was hard. Since I'm not a SAHM and he can't be held all day I learned new ways that he liked comforted such as in his swing or carseat if he's real pissed. I'd let him fuss for a bit then walk over talk calmly to him, them pick him up shortly to stop the crying. Either me or the daycare lady can hold him all day long, so he had to learn it's ok to be chilling in the swing he can still see us.
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  #14  
January 8th, 2013, 06:42 AM
cincy1luv's Avatar 1st time mommy
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I agree with all the ladies!! ^^ swing and make sure they have hanging toys!!
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  #15  
January 8th, 2013, 08:25 AM
michellelove0502's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Once again, I wasnt telling you to just let your child cry and walk away I was saying to find other forms of comfort so you dont have to have the baby attached to you. I know other people on here havent been able to take showers and things of thay nature so I was just saying what works for both me and the baby in order for me to get done what i get done in a day. Holding a baby is not the only means of comfort at least not for my baby and I dont just leave him while hes crying, I think what i said was misinterpreted.
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  #16  
January 8th, 2013, 09:13 AM
michellelove0502's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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What works for you is great, I guess my outlook is also different because I dont have a baby who cries all day. Jayden cries maybe once a day and that is if im late feeding him and thats it. Thank god because I could never go a day without getting a shower, I get two showers a day lol.

Maybe Jayden just really trusts me to put him down because I get zero complaints from him lol
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  #17  
January 8th, 2013, 09:46 AM
KMH KMH is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cuatx View Post
I've been happily holding my little one for almost two days straight because he's going through a growth spurt and will holler if I even think about putting him down <3 it's exhausting, I didn't get dinner made until 7 last night, I haven't had a shower in two days... but he's so peaceful and content. THAT is a happy baby, and that makes a happy mom!
Ditto. I have the rest of my life to shower or get things done...now is the time that my kids are learning that they can trust me to respond to their needs 100% of the time. Earning their trust is worth a little inconvenience.
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  #18  
January 8th, 2013, 09:47 AM
michellelove0502's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I dont know if you were directing that towards me but I dont just let Jayden "cry it out" without being within visual distance and being right there with him. I dont really ever have to let Jayden cry becauss he rarely ever cries and I honestly believe its because he has his needs met without being strapped to me all day. He cannot be anyway I work and I am in school so there is no way possible for him to be with me all day everday. Every baby is different some require being carried around all.day and being slept with but mine doesnt and I thank God for that because my lifestyle will not allow me to do that since I am not a STAHM.

Understood that you have the rest of your life to get a shower but since Jayden doesnt require my 100% holding him I am able to get a shower and cook dinner, its unhealthy not to do those things everyday. I didnt say I was neglecting my child but instead of me picking him up while hes crying I put him in his swing or ill give him his pacifier and he stops therefore mommy can get done what she needs to and baby is happy. Im not saying a shower is more important than my child but if I have a child that allows me to do all that I need to do im not complaining and im not going to make him strapped to my hip all day if he is more than happy without it.
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Last edited by michellelove0502; January 8th, 2013 at 09:51 AM.
  #19  
January 8th, 2013, 10:41 AM
Teeniemama's Avatar Super Mommy
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Ok ladies! Your comments help a lot. I guess I have to figure out what works for us. I don't mind holding her all day long -- I get tired of walking though! I had planters fasciitis when I was pregnant and it went away but now my feet are starting to hurt again, like there's no cushion on the bottom of my feet (I heard that's what happens to old people's feet!!! That's why they hurt so much. Uggg. Not that old yet). So obviously having to walk all the time is becoming painful, and that's what she prefers.

I also need to be able to do a few things around the house -- I can't let everything go down the drain. There is laundry to do and meals to cook and cleaning -- my husband can't go to work and then be responsible for everything at home while I carry the baby around all day. She doesn't like the swing or the bouncer, and when I hang a mobile on the carseat she gets mad at it. So she's a tough one on entertainment -- although she likes play time (when performed by me) and reading books. Right now I mostly accomplish tasks when she's napping, so I'm always running running running to see how much I can get done at that time. I think my stress is from my husband coming home tired from work and I have no dinner or anything...he not only works he's in school for his graduate degree...so, I just feel like a failure. He doesn't get mad or upset, he's not like that at all, he always wants to help me, but I want to help him too and not turn him into some sort of zombie husband.

She doesn't really like the Moby that much. I will try the Ergo. I found all these suggestions helpful in different ways. Thank you so much!!!
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  #20  
January 8th, 2013, 10:59 AM
KMH KMH is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Teeniemama View Post
I think my stress is from my husband coming home tired from work and I have no dinner or anything...he not only works he's in school for his graduate degree...so, I just feel like a failure. He doesn't get mad or upset, he's not like that at all, he always wants to help me, but I want to help him too and not turn him into some sort of zombie husband.
I totally get where you are coming from...it is hard to feel accomplished when there aren't visible signs of your progress at the end of the day. Hang in there...it gets better!
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