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The past couple of weeks work has been NUTS for me and I don't seem to get a break. I'm tired, I'm cranky, I need a vacation, I need a full night's sleep, I need a few minutes to relax and rest after work without making dinner, packing stuff for the next day, chasing around my munchkin, etc. In short, I am feeling frazzled. This morning my husband said to me that some days my attitude is really crappy caring for the munchkin if it's in the middle of the night. He said that I'm not mean to her, per se, but the stuff I say complaining about it just isn't nice and she'll pick up on it (for example: words to the effect that I'm freaking tired and we both---she and I----need to go to sleep), or complaining that she's up again to eat, etc. I admit it, YES, I have been doing that and I don't even realize it. I also think I'm a little less patient with her getting ready some mornings because I really need to get out the door. Instead of doing our normal playing on the floor to get ready routine, there's been a few mornings were it isn't all love and kisses and it's me picking her up, getting her ready, in the car seat and out we go. Days like that I feel I haven't been as gentle and silly with her as usual and I guess I'm more rough (it's not physical, just like no playing around, getting down to business).
I am feeling horrible mother's guilt! My husband told me about 50 times he wasn't saying I am mean to her or a bad mom or I don't love her, he was just saying while now I might be able to get away with saying certain things in time she'll realize what I'm saying and take it to heart that it's directed to her...which makes me feel even worse!
Has anyone ever felt that short fuse/feeling burned out like you need to take a chill pill and what have you done? This is all I've thought about this morning. UGH
Yes, When I was younger. I understand. Working and having a child is VERY VERY hard on you and your body, emotionally, physically, and then there is your spouse.
Mommy guilt is awful. Don't go there! It was eight long years before we got pregnant with Emma and now I can actually say after such a long break between babies just how much work they are. But I am so grateful as I know you are for our "extra work" its very hard.
Hang in there mama. She is a beautiful little girl.
I think we all say things we don't mean when we are stressed. Can your husband help you out more? Figure out what is causing all of the stress and see if he can share the load with you. Sounds like you need a break! Then you will feel refreshed and able to tackle the daily grind!
Thank you! Right now is a super peak time at work and there doesn't seem to be any end in sight! Today I'm working from 8:30-8:30 and dealing with lots of aggravation on the job. I am sooooooooooooooo grateful that Alexandra is so wonderful, silly and well...to be honest...well behaved (I see some of the kids in daycare and they are lunatics). My DH is awesome and he's such a big help, but I feel like right after work I just have 0 down time. He commutes home on the bus, which isn't all peaches and cream---it sucks for him, butttttt, he at least has that 2 hour window in which he can clear his head, read, play games on his iPhone, zone out, whatever. I just feel like I'm constantly firing on all cylanders and it is draining as can be. I don't always feel this way, it's just the past few weeks have been especially harsh.
Sorry, for such a long post, I guess I just feel better talking about it. Thank you for your response. :-)
Glad you're feeling better! I don't really think that it's bad to say that you both need sleep either. Everyone has bad days. As long as you have more days when you're playful and happy than overly frazzled I think it's normal!