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How do you decide when you are done?


Forum: October 2012 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By Jinnah

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  #1  
November 12th, 2013, 09:49 AM
October 2012 PR Co-Host
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 963
I seriously cannot decide if I am done having more children. As I said in the other thread, I'm 32 and would want to have any future pregnancies happen before 35. DH is tired and doesn't want more, but isn't quite confident enough to get a vasectomy. We both worry a lot about babies while they are young, especially newborns, and wouldn't look forward to doing that again. I think if I didn't have anxiety issues (at times - not all the time), I would probably want one more for sure. However, I can see that dh is stressed, tired, and wanting to just relax now that ours are older. He is happy with the four that we have (the oldest two are not biologically his, but he raised them since they were 1 and 3 years old). Not sure what to do.

How do you decide? I'm sure we've talked about this before, but dh and I are making more concrete decisions now, so I need to talk about it again!
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  #2  
November 12th, 2013, 07:43 PM
6 Girls and 4 Boys
Join Date: May 2012
Location: east coast
Posts: 987
Why do you and husband have to make a "decision?" Why not just keep going the way you are and let time go by. If you believe in bc then that takes care of pregnancy and if you both decide later then you can. I just turned 41 and would love another but that's me. I have found many many couples wait until there children are grown then adopt or get pregnant and start all over again with children. Sounds crazy but they and myself are so happy having a baby later in life. Its a "walk in the park" compared to when I was younger with pregnancy and raising children. So many wonderful things that only happen when you are older.
So I would say don't make any permanent choices yet and let time go by and see how you both feel.
Health issues a lot of time get better with age especially panic attacks and anxiety. I used to have chronic panic attacks that made our lives hard. So I understand your concerns.
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  #3  
November 13th, 2013, 07:18 AM
October 2012 PR Co-Host
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 963
The reason we are trying to make a decision is because we don't really use birth control. We hate condoms. All we've ever used is the pull-out method (sorry for being so blunt). We've been okay with that because it's never really mattered if I got pregnant. If we are done, I don't really want any surprises. Some days I am done. Today, I feel done. Yesterday, I didn't. If we aren't done, I would like to have another soon. If not, I want to make sure we don't later. I hope I am making sense!

Check your PM's in a few.
jlstebbins likes this.
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  #4  
November 13th, 2013, 07:40 PM
yashobo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Brisbane, Down under
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I always wanted only 2 biologically. I feel blessed that God indulged me and grant me my two. I would love to adopt in the future but for now, two is what I think I have the energy and resources for. DH was fine with just one but went along with my desire for 2. I am no spring chicken either but married late, spent some time together with no kids, and decided to go for it after 4 years of marriage. So, biologically, I don't have the time you have; my window will probably close up soon. Best of luck to you both in deciding; it is definitely a big decision.
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  #5  
November 13th, 2013, 10:14 PM
doremi's Avatar Team Blue Mama of Two
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: USA
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I always wanted two. DH always waffled between 2 and 3, and if he had it his way, we would probably try for one more. But he also knows how physically and emotionally taxing it was for me, going through two miscarriages and then a pregnancy with Jamison that was not easy. When push comes to shove, we truly are done. We are ready to be out from under the medical bills, and on the financial upswing. We have friends younger than us who still plan to have more babies, so we can live vicariously through them. It is a hard door to close, and I think it is totally natural to feel those twinges of desire for a baby every one in awhile. But I think I knew for sure that I was done when I would have one of those twinges, and then would realize that it was a desire to be around a newborn, not necessarily to have it be my own, or to add to our family.
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  #6  
November 14th, 2013, 07:48 AM
jlstebbins's Avatar *Super*Mega*Mommy*
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Missouri
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Doremi- Well said! Makes complete sense!!!
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  #7  
November 15th, 2013, 04:39 PM
October 2012 PR Co-Host
Join Date: Mar 2012
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Looks like dh and I are just going to have to keep praying about it. We still are not in agreement on this topic.
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