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Are there any of you who are following the Taharah Hamishpachah? (sp?)
I was in the first 2 years but found it soooo hard on my marriage. I am thinking of restarting but am nervous....
Once you start getting the hang of it, it actually becomes very beautiful. Sure, the "no touchy" couple of weeks are very hard at first, but you get used to that routine and eventually you realize how much it improves your marriage.
I think my only advice is maybe trying to go to a class on the topic to get the basics or there are many wonderful books out there on the halachic perspective of taharat hamishpachah.
My second piece of advice is to start slowly. When I first started observing the mikveh, I counted my days, checked myself but I didn't separate from my DH 100%. We still shared a bed, we touched and we handed each other stuff, we just avoided sexual contact. We then bought separate beds and started observing that. Finally we added the no touching part.
Like you , we werent doing it totally. I did the whole checking thing (i had lessons prewedding) and have rea lots about it. I was doing all the technical things (I even followed the chabad rulings to immersing). But DH and I were having issues outside of this as to WHEN to start trying for a baby. We have finally resolved it but I stopped doing Mikveh about 6 months ago while we were working through this issue as it was so hard going to immerse and not being intimate with hubby due to our issues. So we are finally back to being intimate (although it is still a fresh issue i guess and i dont want to rock the boat too much and put too much pressure on us). I still keep the 12 days though as i just dont feel right being intimate without the time seperation......
Anyways, I had a discussion with hubby last night and told him how i was feeling. he wants us to start doing more obsevances so we decided to do a shabbos once a month and start Mikveh next cycle (too late for this cycle :-)).... i am nervous to start again but i think its the right thing for me. Though i did say it has to be both of us doing this ritual (he was a bit uninvolved last time and it also made me sad)..... and he agreed. So next month is the month......
Mikveh is part of marriage laws where you seperate physically from your spouse from your first day of menstrual cycle until 7 clean days after you cease bleeding (not before 12 days though)...... it is a time where you reconnect emotionally to one another and then you immerse (after the 12 days) in the mikveh (ritual waters) to attain your spiritual purity (not physical but spiritual) so that you can be intimate with your husband again.......
a lot of young women in my coutry are starting their marriages with this ritual (my mom never did it and even my grandmother never did this even though she was a daughter of a rabbi....) i learnt it during my prewedding lessons and now in my country the beth din makes sure you do it before you get married......
my husband and I follow the laws regarding mikveh, we arent perfect though and i find that as the years go by we are less strict, but we are doing what we can.
I think taking it slow is the right idea. Also keeping your s/o in tune to what is going on so he feels like he is part of the process.
I think its great that you wanna take it back on.
I have honestly played with the idea of not doing it anymore bec. personally for us it has not made out marraige stronger, it only causes more stress. Especially now that we are TTC and when i bleed longer then i cant go to mikveh until 14-15 days into my cylce and sometimes i think im missing ovulation bec. of it.
There have been times during both of my marriages (I'm on number two; older DS is from #1 and younger DS from #2) where I/we have observed tacharat hamispacha. I went to the mikveh before both of my marriages and when I was ttc both times. I would like to do this again (outside of TTC) but I am afraid of taking on too much at once (the whole "one mitzvah at a time" thing) and scaring my DH off of this path we are slowly moving down.
Well that marriage didnt last and no matter of mikveh was going to save it.....my ex was always dragging feet about having a baby. I think he was having commitment and sexual issues......but i have a lovely husband now and we are expecting (without fertility help so clearly G-d had a plan for me).......