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Hi all- I am new to the board and am due n December. I have a question- this is our first baby ( we have been married over 10 years), both in our 30's, however, I am having the worst case of loneliness and sadness. I am trying to get excited about having this baby- but it seems like ever since we found out we were pregnant- everything has went "wrong". First- I was very ill during my first trimester- during this time I had to break ties with my sister ( because of physical and mental abuse I experienced as a child from a borderline mother- I had to go "no contact" with my mom, dad an brother last year). I finally had to do the same with my sister this year ( I was 7 weeks pregnant)- so while this is truly the best thing- i nw have no family at all ) i then had to let go of a friend of 10 years who was very negative and who caused me tremendous pain over the years. ( I have a hard time letting go of people even if they at toxic). I guess with the pregnancy I have finally found my voice and do not want to be treated this way anymore. Anyway- I used to have a very active social life but now it seems like all I do is work and stay home. It seems like when I became so sick- people have just stopped asking ( I still can't do much because I am exhausted and have occasional random sickness). Anyway- just wondering if anyone else experienced this? You get pregnant and everyone scatters? and what about the sadness?? Thanks everyone for listening -any advice would be great!!
Well, firstly, congrats on your pregnancy & welcome to the group. My name's Lindsey & I'm expecting my 2nd this Dec.
I can actually relate with you on a few things. I had postporrtum depression after having my son 1.5 yrs ago & ended up on meds. I tried getting off of them during my 1st trimester last month & oh.my.God. Pregnancy hormones are not a joke! I immediately went back on or else I think I would've lost it. Feelings are definitely felt tenfold during pregnancy, so remain confident that you will soon begin to come to terms with the sudden changes in your life, although it'll still be an adjustment.
I also came from an abusive childhood & it is a miracle I'm on such good terms with my Mom now, though I have no family within several hundred miles of me, which is still very difficult at times. With that said, there's nevertheless baggage that survivors will always carry with them, though therapy can do wonders. Your decision to cut ties with these people is obviously justified, but believe you me, when one door closes, so many more open. I'd especially suggest joining playgroups in your area, where you're guaranteed to meet other Moms, some of which will likely become close friends.
I certainly don't have all the answers, but you're in my thoughts. PM me if you'd like to chat further.
Most people don't talk about it but there is such a thing as prenatal depression. I have this with all my pg's. I am tired and I don't care about anything and dont want to do anything. I justt feel blah. For me it goes away. you might ask your dr about it. good luck
Angel '97 Aundrea '04 Alex '06 Ammon '08 Aleah '10 Ava '10 Adalyn '12
First of all- welcome! I hope to see you post more often, don't be shy!
Your whole life really does change with a baby. It's normal to feel alone and isolated, but it will get better. Find friends with babies or who are also pregnant (like us!). They'll always be your best support group and will best be able to relate.
Welcome. My name is Brittany and I'm expecting my 1st
I agree with the others. This message board has really helped me, it's great to have others who can be excited about the baby with me.
My DH and I didn't expect to be having kids this early, and he's really been struggling with it, which makes me struggle, because I really just want him to be happy. He's gotten more into it some, but it's still a challenge some days for me to be happy, because there is so much we wanted to do before we had kids.
I did end up having to cut off my best friend, which is really hurting. (And DH doesn't seem to understand) We've been best friend's since we were 11, and it hurts not being able to talk to her, but right now it's the best thing. She is just very negative in regards to kids and being pregnant (she just had her first child last year). She even begged me to not have kids for as long as I could put it off. Now that I've obviously ignored her advice, she is quite negative and just expects me to have a terrible time being pregnant. She really seems upset that I'm not having a terrible time. =(
I am very sorry you had to cut off your sister, and I know there's really nothing that anyone can say that make it better, or any easier. There was a point where I had to cut off my mom for a while, and it was hard, but the best choice at that time.
I can relate to some of the loneliness... pretty much all of our friends are singles or couples without children. When we got pregnant they were all very excited for us, and still are. But I was sick and tired for a while there and they just quit including us. We're now making a concerted effort to make plans with them and let them know that we want to be included. It's hard, and we still don't party the way they do. But it's getting better. And I struggle sometimes with paranoia when I'm feeling down and wonder if they're just using it as an excuse to not invite us!
I figure this is just how things are because our lives are changing so much. We'll find friends eventually that are in the same place as us, or our current friends will join us eventually. I understand that it's rough though... hugs and I hope it gets easier!
Gosh- thanks everyone for the positive comments and support! It helps so much to have others to understand what you are goin through! Soooo glad to have found this group. It is a process and it has taken such a toll on my self confidence and self esteem.
Congrats on your pregnancy and welcome to the group! I'm Cassie and expecting my first on 12/21.
I'm sorry to hear things haven't gone so well so far and you've had to cut so many family ties. You're definitely not alone on the loneliness, though. I don't have any friends or family in the city we're living in now. I really miss having girl time. I'm hoping once the little one arrives and gets a little older and I start going to mommy & me type of groups I'll be able to find some mommy friends.
But this group is awesome for me to be able to talk to others who are going through exactly the same thing and can help with any questions or just give support. So don't be afraid to jump right in and post in our threads and vent away when you need to!
Im in a very similar boat as you - married 10 years, in my 30s, almost no family (although not thru any drama, I just dont have much)
As far as social life goes, most of my friends have kids so I think my interaction with them has changed over time anyway. Where we used to see each other all the time, its much more infrequent and scheduled now for obvious reasons. Even though they are happy and excited for us, a baby is no big deal anymore since everyone has been through it.
I was feeling really sick for a few weeks and found that to be incredibly depressing. No matter what is going in on my life, being sick would make any person miserable.
So I can see how that would get you down. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to be overly cheery. If you can do a few things to cheer yourself up, do it. Otherwise it will work out on its own.