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Children must be taught manners and respect


Forum: Traditional Parenting

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  #1  
June 8th, 2007, 06:22 AM
Laney21's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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The world was better when children were taught respect, good manners

This is an article from a weekly column by John Rosemond.
Small Excerpts:

Quote:
Todayís kids donít grow up the way we did. They donít have chores. Thatís a shame, because one learns good citizenship by first being a responsible member of oneís family. Their parents are involved, which is too bad because that often is delivered so compulsively that it prevents a child from learning how to swim with his own two fins.[/b]
Quote:
Itís evident to people my age that todayís kids are allowed to think itís all about them. Thatís understandable, because if you talk to todayís parents about their kids, itís obvious that the typical modern parent thinks his/her kid is not just a big fish, but the ONLY FISH THAT REALLY MATTERS.[/b]

What do you think?


I think my opinion should be obvious as co-host of this board, but ITA. I'm so often shocked at the spoiled, bratty little kids I see nearly every day who walk all over thier parents with no respect for them whatsoever. It makes me very sad.
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  #2  
June 8th, 2007, 06:55 AM
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I know I'm from the "other side" but I do agree about manners being important. I found little ones instinctively copy what we do, so the easiest way to teach manners and respect is to model them ourselves (consistently). **Mama brag: even befoore ds was 2 years old he would carry his cup or dish to the sink, wipe up his spills, put his little hands together to say grace, and say "please" and "thank you"... with out being prompted or even "taught" to do these things, other than seeing dh and I do them ourselves. Now that he's "at that age" he can get a little demanding at times, so I completely ignore say...the bellowing for chocolate milk, until he says "please"
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  #3  
June 8th, 2007, 08:19 AM
Laney21's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Now that he's "at that age" he can get a little demanding at times, so I completely ignore say...the bellowing for chocolate milk, until he says "please"[/b]

I'm trying to do this too, ds was doing so well with always saying please and all of a sudden it's like he's never heard the word! I ignore the whining and will not give in but he's giving me quite a struggle right now, I tell ya! He does always say thank you and you're welcome though.

DD has wonderful manners, sometimes she even has to remind me!
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  #4  
June 8th, 2007, 10:47 AM
*Valerie*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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We taught Troy manners already through sign--he signs please, thank you, sorry...and he also helps out with cleaning up It's very important to me that he be taught respect, responsibility and accountability--those are the 3 things that I think are missing from many youth today
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  #5  
June 9th, 2007, 07:25 PM
Laney21's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
It's very important to me that he be taught respect, responsibility and accountability--those are the 3 things that I think are missing from many youth today[/b]
I completely agree!!!

I think it's wonderful that you have taught him some signs. I attempted some with Tyler but I really wasn't consistent with it when he didn't seem to take any notice, and also I wasn't getting any kind of support from SO in that area!
At what age did you start with Troy?
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  #6  
July 30th, 2007, 07:43 AM
Laney21's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Just wanted to bump this up because we have so many new members. I know the link isn't good anymore, but the excerpts give you a pretty good jist of the article.

What do you think of today's youth? Are they disciplined enough?
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  #7  
July 30th, 2007, 07:52 AM
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What do you think of today's youth? Are they disciplined enough?

uh...no. they are not. There is too much emphasis on spanking and punishing now and
parents are so afraid to give thier child a swat on the butt when needed or to even
get on to them verbally for doing wrong. Its crazy to me!
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  #8  
July 30th, 2007, 07:55 PM
BensMom's Avatar Ephesians 4:29
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Ditto all of you. Ben's only 19 months, but already he picks up after himself, feeds the dogs, helps unload the dishwasher, gets the mail, takes out the trash... you name it. He feels a real sense of PRIDE in being a helper. He knows he has to say please (or "peeeeeeees" rather ) to get what he wants. He respects our authority (most of the time) because he knows there are consequences if he doesn't. The earlier you start, the easier it is. Making habits is much easier than breaking and retraining them later!
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  #9  
July 31st, 2007, 05:40 AM
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Quote:
He respects our authority (most of the time) because he knows there are consequences if he doesn't. The earlier you start, the easier it is. Making habits is much easier than breaking and retraining them later![/b]

ITA, well said!
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  #10  
August 1st, 2007, 01:38 PM
mikala101505's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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ITA if makena is well mannered adn respectful i will feel that i did good as a parent, my friends baby is 15 mos. and when they come of she lets her daughter get into everything she goes into the kitchen and pulls stuff out of drawers adn cabinets and my friend doesn't get onto her her excuse is 'shes not old enough to know what no means' it drives me crazy!
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  #11  
August 1st, 2007, 02:36 PM
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Brayden knows how to sign more, all done. I should of worked on thank you, please, and your welcome.

I know a 14 yr old who treats her mom like #####. Her mom doesnt do a darn thing about it. Which irritates the crap outta me. When I am around them I cant keep my mouth shut. It just gets to me the way she acts towards her mom. if she was my daughter I would smack her mouth and ground her.
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  #12  
August 2nd, 2007, 04:09 AM
sarah*'s Avatar Loving My Piglets
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I totally believe in children having manners, Rhianna is only 8 weeks old but i will be making sure she knows her please and thank yous. It will be a bit hard beings as her fathers side of the family dont know what manners are.
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  #13  
August 2nd, 2007, 10:34 AM
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I disagree about spanking. It has nothing to do with people not spanking. What it has to do with is consistency. Nothing more, nothing less. If one day, something is bad and the next day, the rules are not enforced - maybe mom's just too tired to bother - then nothing is learned, except that the rules vary from day to day. If a parent is truly consistent, that makes a world of difference.
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  #14  
August 2nd, 2007, 12:38 PM
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ABSOLUTELY!!!!

And these Crunchies that sit there and try to have an adult conversation with their 2 year olds about rationalizing their behavior KILLS me! They don't know what you're saying!!! A child throwing a tantrum doesn't know what "You're embarassing me" means, but I can guarantee you they know what a pop on the behind or hand means!
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  #15  
August 3rd, 2007, 07:27 AM
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Quote:
I disagree about spanking. It has nothing to do with people not spanking. What it has to do with is consistency. Nothing more, nothing less. If one day, something is bad and the next day, the rules are not enforced - maybe mom's just too tired to bother - then nothing is learned, except that the rules vary from day to day. If a parent is truly consistent, that makes a world of difference.[/b]
I totally agree. Whatever form of discipline you use, you NEED to be consistent with it.

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  #16  
August 3rd, 2007, 08:24 AM
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Quote:
ABSOLUTELY!!!!

And these Crunchies that sit there and try to have an adult conversation with their 2 year olds about rationalizing their behavior KILLS me! They don't know what you're saying!!! A child throwing a tantrum doesn't know what "You're embarassing me" means, but I can guarantee you they know what a pop on the behind or hand means![/b]
I'm not sure what you mean by "Crunchies," although it sounds rather like a disparaging remark.

What I do know is this: My daughter is now four years of age. When she is experiencing an emotion - whatever it may be - I make an effort to express something along the lines of "I know you're feeling very frustrated/angry/sad/etc about that right now," and I then follow it up with something else to explain why something can't/won't happen. Frankly, I have a four year old who has a vocabulary comparable to many adults, and she has a better grip on her emotions than many children older than herself. Children learn from our examples. When we stay calm and rational, we teach them to do the same.

Now, I'm scarcely saying that I explain every decision I make to her. That's hardly the case. There are many times that something is just because it is. However, I try to take advantage of what I call "teaching moments." I have also noticed that, as a result of the teaching moments, she accepts "no" much easier. Sometimes I even turn it around and ask her why something won't work, or why we cannot do something. Provided I make it short and simple, she gets it.

I have no desire to swat her or "pop" her or whatever else. It is my belief that if I fail to teach her reason and understanding for others, then I have failed as a parent.
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  #17  
August 3rd, 2007, 08:46 AM
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It is all about age-appropriate forms of discipline. It sounds like what you are doing with your 4 year old is wonderful. But the example you quoted was about speaking to a 2 year old as if they were an adult, so please don't take offense to it. Personally, I know I can't "reason" with my 2 year old yet, he won't understand.

If you are very anti-spanking and it bothers you to read that some parents use it, please remember you have come to a TP board where a lot of our members do believe in it.
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  #18  
August 3rd, 2007, 11:39 AM
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I don't claim that a 2 year old can understand on the level at an older child. However, after repeated times of admonishment like, "Don't bite. That hurts!" eventually these things do actually sink in even if it takes some time. This is how empathy is "taught."

And, it does make me very sad to hear that when a child is frustrated or angered, that a quick/easy method of swatting them may be used, rather than working to help them understand their feelings.
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  #19  
August 3rd, 2007, 12:36 PM
Laney21's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
And, it does make me very sad to hear that when a child is frustrated or angered, that a quick/easy method of swatting them may be used, rather than working to help them understand their feelings.[/b]
This is a very condesending and judgemental statement. The spanking is the punishment or deterrant (sp?) of bad behaviour, NOT taking the quick/easy way out. No one has said the child is not also being spoken to about thier actions and feelings.

The thread title says it all, we all want to TEACH our children manners and respect.
Please be respectful of other people's methods of doing so.
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  #20  
August 6th, 2007, 08:13 AM
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Quote:
This is a very condesending and judgemental statement. The spanking is the punishment or deterrant (sp?) of bad behaviour, NOT taking the quick/easy way out. No one has said the child is not also being spoken to about thier actions and feelings.

The thread title says it all, we all want to TEACH our children manners and respect.
Please be respectful of other people's methods of doing so.[/b]
No, that is not a condescending and judgmental attitude. That is precisely what I gleaned from some of the responses on the board. As a bystander, it certainly looks to me as though the general attitude here is to swat children, rather than try to (briefly and age-appropriately) explain a problem.

It also appears that many here (judgmentally) assume that people who do not spank their children have children who just run all about the place, screeching like banshees. The term "crunchy" is thrown around here, and frankly, that seems rather condescending to me.

I refer to such behaviours as being judgmental, but apparently that is okay so long as it's done by the longstanding members of this board.
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