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Hope this dont start a debate


Forum: Traditional Parenting

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  #1  
June 9th, 2007, 10:36 PM
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i just need advice on something i dont want it to start a debate though

Ok i dont beleive in spanking a child for disipline but i do give time outs and take away privliages mainly for oldest child on that one but my kids go to their godparents and i cant say for sure but the way my kids act the spank them when they do something wrong and i dont know what to say to them or how to say it without hurting anyones feelings so how would you word it? the reason i ask is when i get them to take a nap which is rarely they say you not gonna beat my ### are you and i was like huh. then yesterday i went to give my daughter a little talk and i raised my arm to put it around to hug her she flinched and im not sure why. please any help is appreciated. i hope im not being a royal pain in anyone's rearend
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  #2  
June 10th, 2007, 10:29 AM
Laney21's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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How old are the kids? Have you asked them what happens when they are at the godparents? Otherwise you would really have to talk to the godparents about it. You don't have to accuse them, just ask how they discipline when the kids are acting up? Do they know how you feel about spanking? Did you talk about discipline or punishments with them before they started watching the kids?

If you get a sense this is happening over there from talking to the kids you are going to have to talk about it with them (the godparents) no matter what. I wouldn't worry about hurting anyone's feelings because spanking as a punishment should never cause your child to flinch or cower away from you. That would be a big red flag for me.

Good luck, I hope you find out what's going on!
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  #3  
June 10th, 2007, 04:48 PM
~Casey~'s Avatar GraceNorraJennaMomma
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If your kids are asking if you're gonna beat their A ss, then I would seriously be asking questions of ANYONE spending time alone w/ them. IMO a spanking and an A ss beating are two waaaaaay different things. I, too, would ask them whats up.
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  #4  
June 10th, 2007, 05:51 PM
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Quote:
How old are the kids? Have you asked them what happens when they are at the godparents? Otherwise you would really have to talk to the godparents about it. You don't have to accuse them, just ask how they discipline when the kids are acting up? Do they know how you feel about spanking? Did you talk about discipline or punishments with them before they started watching the kids?

If you get a sense this is happening over there from talking to the kids you are going to have to talk about it with them (the godparents) no matter what. I wouldn't worry about hurting anyone's feelings because spanking as a punishment should never cause your child to flinch or cower away from you. That would be a big red flag for me.

Good luck, I hope you find out what's going on![/b]

The main 2 that ask are 5yrs and 4yrs and i did talk to the godparents this afternoon but they seemed to be nice about it and say we never hit your children but we do smack their hands if they do something they shouldnt that it may cause danger such as running outon the road but they claim they never spanked them so i dunno. and when i asked the kids what happens when they are at the god parents or with them they dont seem to answer me as if they are afraid of answering me but they dont seem to be afraid of them too much except when they get hugs which is same with us so im not sure what to think i sure hope i find out too. thank you for the advice
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  #5  
June 11th, 2007, 01:29 AM
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Quote:
Quote:
How old are the kids? Have you asked them what happens when they are at the godparents? Otherwise you would really have to talk to the godparents about it. You don't have to accuse them, just ask how they discipline when the kids are acting up? Do they know how you feel about spanking? Did you talk about discipline or punishments with them before they started watching the kids?

If you get a sense this is happening over there from talking to the kids you are going to have to talk about it with them (the godparents) no matter what. I wouldn't worry about hurting anyone's feelings because spanking as a punishment should never cause your child to flinch or cower away from you. That would be a big red flag for me.

Good luck, I hope you find out what's going on![/b]

The main 2 that ask are 5yrs and 4yrs and i did talk to the godparents this afternoon but they seemed to be nice about it and say we never hit your children but we do smack their hands if they do something they shouldnt that it may cause danger such as running outon the road but they claim they never spanked them so i dunno. and when i asked the kids what happens when they are at the god parents or with them they dont seem to answer me as if they are afraid of answering me but they dont seem to be afraid of them too much except when they get hugs which is same with us so im not sure what to think i sure hope i find out too. thank you for the advice
[/b]

I'm just a lurker here right now so I hope you don't mind me posting to this , but I would probably not send my kids over there any more , at least for a while till I really found out what is going on . Not to say this is what is happening at all but many kids who have an abusive parent actually cling more to the abuser then coward away from them , so just because they don't act afraid of them doesn't mean they are not spanking them , also the fact that they don't seem to want to talk about it is a red flag as well for me , and them asking your not gonna beat my ### are you , in less you or anyone else in your house has said this to them then where did they get it ya know ? Also the whole we smack their hands but only for things that could hurt them line sounds a lil fishy to me , like hey were trying to really seem innocent for lack of a better word . I don't know but I wouldn't feel safe leaving my kids there anymore , I mean if you have to ask then it can't be right , kwim ? Go with your intuition on this , thats what it's there for .

p.s. always be willing to hurt feelings for the safety of your kids !
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  #6  
June 11th, 2007, 08:14 AM
Laney21's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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itsymama. (and side note: of course we don't mind you posting, jump in and post more often!!)

I'm glad you decided to talk to them, but you still seem very unsure about the situation. If it were me I wouldn't be able to drop them off there not be absolutely certain they are in a safe place. Do you have other child care options?

Is there someone else who could talk to the kids about this that you think they would open up to, a fave aunt or something. I know with my 5 year old, if I ask her about something and she thinks she might get in trouble for it, she won't give me a straight answer. I have to keep the conversation really light, and sometimes use a hypothetical situation. Maybe you could read them a book and make up a story (assuming they can't read yet and wouldn't know the difference) about a child who gets spanked and ask them what they think about it? I don't know what else I would do in your situation.
You're in my thoughts!!
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  #7  
June 19th, 2007, 10:27 PM
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Quote:
p.s. always be willing to hurt feelings for the safety of your kids ![/b]

Well said.
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  #8  
June 20th, 2007, 06:27 AM
Laney21's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Any updates starrmom24?
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