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Dh and I left home for my scheduled induction on Wed., Sept 27. I had high blood pressure throughout my pregnancy, and I was on bedrest the last few weeks before delivery. Even though I never developed preeclampsia, my ob thought it best to go ahead and deliver. So we scheduled the induction three days before my due date (Sept 30).
We arrived at the hospital around 7, nervous but in good spirits. I registered and went up to L&D. They gave me a room and a beautiful hospital gown. The preliminary stuff took forever--filling out paperwork, drawing blood, inserting the IV, etc. My mom arrived around 9:30 or so to keep us company.
My doctor didn't come until around 11 to administer the medicine to soften my cervix. Going in, I was only 1 cm dialited and 50% effaced. She inserted the prostglandin stuff, and said it would take 4 hours. The next four hours passed pretty uneventfully. The biggest pain was having to get up to use the bathroom every hour or two. Well, the doctor came back to check, and I had not progressed at all! It was very disappointing. So she put in some more. She returned around six and I was now 2 cm and 80% effaced. I should mention that her internal exams throughout the afternoon were so painful! I think she was trying to stretch me out or something.
So they started the pitocin around 6 pm on Wed. The nurses kept asking me if I was feeling contractions, and for a while I didn't feel much of anything at all. I actually wanted to feel some pain at that point. Every 15 minutes or so they would increase the pitocin on my IV. Around 9, what felt like bad menstrual cramps got really bad. I kept telling the nurses it wasn't like what I imagined contractions to be--the pain was constant. It kept worsening, and for some reason I thought it was too soon to ask for an epidural, so I held out for a while. Around 10 I asked for the epidural.
The anesthesiologist had to drive from home, so it was a wait. In the meantime, the doctor came to break my water, and I wouldn't let her! I told her I didn't want to be touched, even though she said it wouldn't hurt. She agreed to come back after the epidural; looking back on it I'm sure she wanted to go to bed. While waiting, the pain got pretty severe so I asked for drugs. They gave me Nubane and it was wonderful. It made me break out into a sweat, but it really dulled the pain to the point that it felt like contractions--relief for a while and then some pain. Finally, the anesthesiologist arrived to administer the epidural. It didn't hurt at all, and soon I felt complete relief.
I was able to sleep on and off throughout the night. I had progressed to 5 cm by this point, but by early the next morning I hadn't changed. They kept fiddling with the pitocin and watching the monitors. By morning I was 7 cm and feeling encouraged. But throughout the morning it wasn't changing, and my uterus wasn't contracting as well as it had overnight. This was very discouraging, and after all of this waiting I was honestly kind of ready for the c-section.
At around noon the ob decided to do a c-section. I don't know if the operating room was booked for later, but the nurses seemed frantic to get me ready. They shaved me for the incision and gave me some really nasty tasting medicine. They wheeled me past my family and it was all I could do not to cry! I was scared and disappointed that I wouldn't get to bond with my baby much after she was delivered and that my mom wouldn't be there with me.
Once in the operating room, DH joined me in his scrubs. They added medicine to my epidural and asked if I could feel anything. I could feel them touch but not pain, so everything seemed okay. The surgery started, and I could feel them touching but couldn't feel pain. However, when they were starting to push and pull to take the baby out, I started feeling cramping and pain! I waited a minute to make sure I wasn't just imagining, then told me husband. He told one of the doctors/nurses, who seemed to take his time to add medicine to my IV. All this time, I felt intense pushing and pressure on my chest, and it was difficult to breathe. I was still feeling pain and starting to freak out. Then we heard it -- my baby's cry -- and I forgot everything for a moment. DH and I kissed and cried, and they brought her over beside my head to see her. I talked to her and she stopped crying for a second. It was really amazing.
As they were showing her to me, I was feeling even more intense pain. DH had to leave at this point. I remember feeling like I could feel them take the placenta out -- I don't know how much I was imagining what was going on versus what was really happening. They must have given me some narcotics, because the next hour is hazy. I remember waking up every so often to intense pain. It felt like I could feel them pulling the skin together to sew me up. I was groaning and hyperventilating, and the doctors were just telling me to breathe. I remember gripping the table with both hands. It was awful. I actually thought to myself during the operation that I would never have kids again.
They finally wheeled me to recovery. I was crying from the trauma of it all. The nurse must have thought I was crying from happiness, because she kept telling me that I would make her cry. My ob came by to check on me. I'm not sure what she said, but all I remember is saying that "it's over." I don't know why I always try to be so strong for other people. I should have cussed her out.
They wheeled me to see my baby and all of my family was overjoyed, watching her get bathed and weighed in the nursery. It felt like such a charade because I had to put on a happy face for them when I was still in so much shock over what happened. They let me hold my baby for a minute before wheeling me to my room. That made me forget for a while what I had gone through.
Needless to say, I ended up telling my family what I went through and they were all upset for me and angry. The doctor talked to DH and I later and she said that there was a small section that didn't go numb. I remember at the end of the surgery she was asking me what I could feel -- I think that's when she was trying to figure out what had gone wrong. Still, I don't know why I didn't feel the initial incision if that was the case. Part of me thinks the epidural came out or something. Either way, something went horribly wrong.
I don't know who I blame for it, but I am still angry at being robbed of a decent birth experience. It's hard for me to think back on it without getting emotional. But I am passed the point of not wanting children. Kate has made me see it was worth it, but I know I will be terrified next time. A nurse talked to me about it at the hospital and said I should get a spinal next time, so maybe it will be better.