[darkbookworm]

Alright, I just need to vent a bit, so bear with me please.

Today is the day that everyone was supposed to get together to celebrate my sister's birthday. Yesterday me, DH, and both our girls took my sister out to a birthday lunch and ice cream, so her actual b-day would be celebrated, not just when it was convenient.

So today I talk to my Mom about the "party", and remember that my DH works the overnight shift, so we thought he couldn't make it (hence the previous day's celebrations), and me and the girls would need a ride to and from the party. I talk it over with my DH and he doesn't want me to be alone with my folks (due to stress, possible fighting, ect.) so he tries to get an earlier nap in so he can make it to the event. We all go grocery shopping and then take naps due to it being so hot here, and when I wake up I call my folks to check about the time of the event (just to be safe, so we aren't starving while we wait), and my mom is sleeping. I leave a message about not needing a ride with my Dad, and start to get ready to go.

I find out from my sister that my brother is MIA, and not answering calls or texts, and my Mom is freaking out (as is her usual response to stress or change). She refuses to not include him, so no party until he shows up. She also fights with my sister about the cake being made at the wrong time of day (my sister baked her own cake, and was going to frost it after the pizza for dinner, but at home) and how it messed everything up to not have the cake ready to take to Pizza Hut for the party. My sister texts me to let me know what was going on about the cake and my brother, and is understandably upset, decides to cancel the evening. I told her we won't be upset, since we got to spend time with her on her b-day, so if she wants to cancel we support her. So she does, and my Mom storms off, and my sister goes for a bike ride to cool off.

We had loitered at Walmart while we waited to figure out what was going on, so once we got the word the dinner was cancelled, we tried to salvage our plans with two hungry kids. We ended up going to get some Chinese food, and my mom calls once we sit down to chew me out for the ruined party. She blamed me for her sleeping too late, claiming I didn't call her in time to alert her of our ride needs, blamed me for the cake mix-up, and told me in the future if I want to leave her messages, to only leave them with her no one else. Saying that me not doing that was the only reason that the night was all ruined.

While we are eating my sister texts me to tell me she fell and hit her head while on her bike, and that my Dad is picking her up. Not long after that my Mom calls me again to tell me they have to take her to the ER because she split her chin open. So yea, all in all a stressful night.

Thank you for being a safe place to vent, it is nice to have a group of people to talk to who won't get offended that I needed to do so. Comments or advice are not only alright to offer, I would appreciate new eyes on the situation, maybe that would help me understand how to proceed, other than just avoiding my Mom...

[kbpeanut]

Ugh. Right now, hon, all I can say is "stay away."

I'm sure I'll have some more plausible and helpful advice, but this made me really angry about how your mom treated you.

I really hope your brother is no longer MIA and that your sister's bicycling injury heals quickly!

Jeez, you just need a big ol'

[WENDYLL22]

Wowzers, are you sure this isn't my family? HA I hate that the blame was deflected onto you. Seems like you, Dh and kiddos handled it pretty well though with walmart and food. Stinks your sister's party was a little ruined. Hope she ended up ok with the bike fall.

[darkbookworm]

Originally Posted by kbpeanut

Ugh. Right now, hon, all I can say is "stay away."

I'm sure I'll have some more plausible and helpful advice, but this made me really angry about how your mom treated you.

I really hope your brother is no longer MIA and that your sister's bicycling injury heals quickly!

Jeez, you just need a big ol'

Thanks for the hug, it is needed. I will be staying away, other than to check on my sister. Turns out she needed 4 stitches on her chin...

Originally Posted by WENDYLL22

Wowzers, are you sure this isn't my family? HA I hate that the blame was deflected onto you. Seems like you, Dh and kiddos handled it pretty well though with walmart and food. Stinks your sister's party was a little ruined. Hope she ended up ok with the bike fall.

Sadly, they are most definitely my family *rolls eyes*. Thanks, my DH is awesome, he helped keep me grounded not only during the angry phone call, but the brewing storm before it. Other than 4 stitches she is ok, I told her to use the guilt they are feeling to make them buy her something nice after her day was ruined. Hopefully she can bring over some of the "not perfect" cake and we will enjoy it with her. I am SO SO SO glad we have our own home now, we used to live with my folks before we got our own apartment.

[darkbookworm]

Also, there was never any word from my brother. He went into town (about 20 minutes away), presumably with a friend, and never came back... I haven't heard anything from him, I texted him to ask where he was but got no response. He is a self-indulgent person who only thinks for himself, so this is not much of a shock sadly.

[aect-mama]

WOW! I'm sorry. I really don't know what I'd do in your shoes.
Glad your sister wasn't seriously hurt. Hope she heals quickly.
Also glad to hear you have such a supportive dh.
Sounds like your sister is very blessed to have you.

[Lucky Mama]

Yikes! I'm sorry you had to deal with all that. I can't imagine how your mom managed to rationalize to herself that any of that was your fault. Huh? Does not compute...

Also, does she realize that if you only left messages for her WITH her, it's not really leaving a message? You really only leave a message when you can't get in touch with the person you're trying to reach. Or I am confused about that... Your mom's logic still has my head spinning.

Hugs, sweetie. I'm impressed with how you and your DH handled a very difficult situation. Thank goodness you have a wonderful little family all your own!

[darkbookworm]

Originally Posted by aect-mama

WOW! I'm sorry. I really don't know what I'd do in your shoes.
Glad your sister wasn't seriously hurt. Hope she heals quickly.
Also glad to hear you have such a supportive dh.
Sounds like your sister is very blessed to have you.

Thanks, I wanted more than anything to tell my mom off in the most angry way possible but I knew that was a bad idea. I hope she heals ok too, I worry about her because she is a type 1 diabetic, which can make life complicated. I am very lucky to have him, we are actually celebrating our 3rd anniversary on Sunday.

[darkbookworm]

Originally Posted by Lucky Mama

Yikes! I'm sorry you had to deal with all that. I can't imagine how your mom managed to rationalize to herself that any of that was your fault. Huh? Does not compute...

Also, does she realize that if you only left messages for her WITH her, it's not really leaving a message? You really only leave a message when you can't get in touch with the person you're trying to reach. Or I am confused about that... Your mom's logic still has my head spinning.

Hugs, sweetie. I'm impressed with how you and your DH handled a very difficult situation. Thank goodness you have a wonderful little family all your own!

Trust me, trying to follow her logic makes everyone's heads spin. You aren't the only one. I honestly don't know how she thought it was all my fault. The things I mentioned were the reasons she gave. I gave up long ago trying to figure out what it is like in her world, since it only caused me grief and pain. Without going into much detail (a really painful past) let's just say I was lucky to have survived to become an adult under her "care", let alone escape as sane as I am. I am laying low, only because I don't need any more stress from her being pregnant and everything. Also I can't guarantee that the next time she tries to act this way I will be as civil as I was this time around. I tend to hulk out when I am mad, so it wouldn't be good for her, or me and Bean.

Thanks for the hugs, it means a lot to have support, I know I can count on my DH, sister and kiddos to be awesome, but it is nice to have a group of ladies I can feel close to as well. Due to many things combined, I never really made many friends, so I don't have many people to talk to, besides my sister and DH.

[A.Sue8]

I know an LOL is probably not the best thing to say since you were upset about this whole situation and your mother giving you the blame is just down right wrong, but I have to laugh because I too have a crazy family where it goes from good to WWII within minutes and I just shake my head and ask if i'm really related to these people and how did I turn out so normal..DH's family is the same..that's why our families haven't met..HANG IN THERE GIRL!!!!!! Hugs! you guys handled it like pros

[darkbookworm]

Originally Posted by A.Sue8

I know an LOL is probably not the best thing to say since you were upset about this whole situation and your mother giving you the blame is just down right wrong, but I have to laugh because I too have a crazy family where it goes from good to WWII within minutes and I just shake my head and ask if i'm really related to these people and how did I turn out so normal..DH's family is the same..that's why our families haven't met..HANG IN THERE GIRL!!!!!! Hugs! you guys handled it like pros

Don't worry, an LOL is fine. I had to stop myself from laughing at her while she was yelling at me on the phone. I have wondered the same thing about my folks, and that is a pretty good depiction of how life is with them. Thanks for the encouragement and hugs, I appreciate it. It is nice to know that I am not the only one who has a crazy ***** family...

[lovelyenchanted]

I'm sorry sweetie. Sounds just like my family. My mom blames me for everything too. If she's not blaming me she's blaming someone else for all the problems in her life. Some people just cannot take responsibility. I stay away as much as possible. I don't even really get to talk to my baby brother much bc of it. He's moving out today so maybe that can change.

It sounds like you have your head about you. Stay strong and don't let her bring you down. I allowed it for years and it hurt me a to. But now I know who I am and how she is so its much easier to stay disconnected and focus on my family.