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Sooo my mom has never been the maternal type and she never shows interest in ANYTHING anyone else is doing.. it's usually just about her and what she needs at the time. So yesterday I went over to her house to give her some leftovers I had and was talking about the pregnancy...she was asking me If I had been taking pictures every month? I said yes I have been taking them every week. I told her that I had sent one to my step-Mom (who is extremely maternal and very excited about this pregnancy) and that she asked if I was pushing my stomach out? Lol. This was the first time I had sent her a picture that made me look prego. (They live 8 hours away so that's why she was looking for some pics) So immediately my Mom, instead of laughing it off with me says "why don't you send me anything like that?" I told her "because you never asked".. I told her that Gail (my step Mom) asked for the pics so I sent her some..
So no real big deal or anything..but my Mom always seems like she wants to be involved but she doesn't want to do the work that it takes to be involved. She wants YOU to tell her everything thats going on, but she never asks, shows interest or brings it up on her own...which is extremely annoying to me.
Ok so then last night I was feeling a little bad, not to bad but wanted to try to "include" her so I sent her an email to a link of "what's happening with me at 16 weeks". I told her I was now an Avocado and here is whats going on with me and the baby. So today I see her and I asked her "did you ever get that email?" She said "yeah" ..and that was it.. So I said "why didn't you respond, and THAT'S why I never share anything with you, because you never respond, you never act the least bit interested and you never say anything back to me, It's like talking to a wall". She said "oh yeah I saw it and thought that's what you were sending your step-Mom so I just never responsed" ..WHAT?? !! (what did this email have to do with belly pics and if you were confused why wouldn't you respond to ask a question) Grrrrrr she just irritates me ... I sent her our baby pics the ones from the 3D ultrasound and she NEVER EVER responded... then when I asked her she said "oh yeah I saw those but got really busy with Farmville and didn't respond"!! ***... uggghhhh sorry just needed to vent.. she is so annoying and it's no wonder that I don't share more with her!
"oh yeah I saw those but got really busy with Farmville and didn't respond"!! ***...
Uh, really? I think you need to tell her like it is. Be straight with her. Tell her that you haven't included her, because she does things like this. When you DID include her, like she asked, then all of a sudden a stoopid game was more important than you and your LO. And if she is going to make a game more important than you and your LO, then she doesn't deserve to get u/s pics, belly pics, or updates.
That's harsh, I know, but it made me really upset to hear that she was being like that.
Ugh, I'm so sorry. That's how my dad's wife is too. (I will NOT call her my step-mother) My parents divorced when I was 20 and then he married her when I was 24. All she cares about is herself! Sorry you have to deal with that.
Forgot to mention, she's only with my dad for his money too. As soon as they married she quit her job and became old and decrepit. It's sad to see him be bullied and tied down to her.
Ugh. Farmville? More important than her grandbaby?! REALLY?!?!
I would do what Karin said and tell her straight out how you feel. Tell her if she wants to be more involved, she will need to let you know because you aren't going out of your way just to have her ignore your efforts any more.
And don't let her indifference cause you unneeded stress if you can help it. You not only have your step-mom who is very interested in your pregnancy and your baby, you have all of us, too!
Uh, really? I think you need to tell her like it is. Be straight with her. Tell her that you haven't included her, because she does things like this. When you DID include her, like she asked, then all of a sudden a stoopid game was more important than you and your LO. And if she is going to make a game more important than you and your LO, then she doesn't deserve to get u/s pics, belly pics, or updates.
That's harsh, I know, but it made me really upset to hear that she was being like that.
So sorry hon. xx
I'm with Peanut on this....if she wants to act like that, then she doesn't need to know anything else.
(SIDE RANT):
Is it just me or has today been a day of colossal stupidity? I mean seriously...post after post it has been one moron after another hassling every woman on here over the baby. Either they have a beef with the gender, they are butt hurt about not being included (yet they still don't want to do anything to BE involved) or they're claiming names for a child they don't even have conceived...it's just been a parade of idiots today (IMHO).
As I said earlier...either my hormones are raging today or the stupidity of people is beginning to get on my nerves. I think it's time to just start smackin' some people upside their thick heads!!!
I completely understand what you're going through. I feel like I could've wrote this post myself about my mom. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. It's unfortunate. But I'd do what Karin suggested. I did it, and no it didn't change much, but at least I got it off my chest. I hope it gets better for you soon!
That is awful Farmville, indeed. I just don't get it when I hear that ppl's mothers act this way. I mean, my kids are my LIFE! I can only imagine that when they are grown, I will continue to be dearly interested in all that they do.
I am so glad that your stepmom is interested and excited for you!
I'm so sorry you are going through this, but at least you have your step-mom who seems super interested. Sometimes with parents, even though it sucks, we just have to accept the way they are. If you argue with her about her actions, more like inaction, it will just put more separation between you and between her and your LO.
My best advice would be that even, though she may not deserve it, you should still try to include her on your pregrancy. It may be tough on you especially if you reaching out goes unnoticed, but hopefully she will change where her interests lie and become more interested in her grandchild.
It sounds like your stepmom is wonderful, it's great that you and your baby will have her to dote on you and keep up with you throughout this experience.
It's a shame your mom can't see that she's missing out.
I know its really hard when its your mom. I have always just tried to keep peace when my mom makes everything about her. But, when DH and I got together she actually got jealous of him...she was so use to having me and the kids to herself that she couldn't deal with sharing me. We had WWIII and I had to just tell her how it is. It was tough but after a little time she has gotten better. I agree with Karin, I think you just need to tell her what you think.
Thanks ladies. This has always been a problem so its not surprising to me. She did the same thing during my wedding...pretended like she knew everything that was going on but the only reason she knew was because I told her. She hasn't asked to come to any appointments for the baby and doesn't even know when any of them are. It's ok though like I said im used to it, it's just how she is. AND I do tell her exactly how I feel and how she makes me feel. It's hard for me to "keep quiet" around her. I did tell her yesterday that the reason that I hadn't been sending her pictures or sharing stuff with her was because she doesn't even respond to the stuff I do send her. I told her how am I supposed to know you got the email, liked the email, are interested in seeing more emails if you never respond to the emails?? Then that's when I brought up the fact that she never even responded to the pictures I sent her of the baby because she got caught up in playing Farmville lol. The sad thing is that I do think she means well ...I really think that she thinks she is involved and is doing everything she "needs" to be doing. She has a poor communication skills and I am someone who thrives on communication so we just don't "click" Thanks ladies for your support...and yes my step Mom and MIL are very supportive so at least I have them. It will be her loss in the end!
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05.24.2011
Thanks ladies for your support...and yes my step Mom and MIL are very supportive so at least I have them. It will be her loss in the end!
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