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Hi, I hope not to bore you guys with my life story but I think it's time I reach out as I feel very very lonely with this first pregnancy:
The father and I aren't together anymore, we were only dating for a month or 2 and I got pregnant. But because I was with with someone else a month prior, I wasn't sure who the father was for a while until the doctor confirmed with ultrasounds and measurements of the baby that it was my most recent partner. I was honest with everyone from the very beginning and it costed me to lose my relationship with the father and also my family who is very judgmental.
When I announced it to my family, I was hoping for a warm and positive answer, since I thought I couldn't have babies by me being 35 almost 36 years old. But instead I received judgement and cold shoulders from my mother and only brother who are pretty religious (not me unfortunately, although I do believe and pray God). My brother did not speak to me for 4 months until he emailed me yesterday saying that when he found out about my pregnancy, he wanted to throw up, and that he would never look at me the same way.
I feel very hurt and alone during this first pregnancy. I do speak to one of my co-workers about it occasionally but I really wanted and needed the support of my mother. She doesn't never speak about the pregnancy whenever she calls me. She always seem to avoid the subject. And she even said that she told the whole family that I was married to defend my honor. That is a huge LIE! I told her how wrong she was for doing so, as everybody knows the truth and will look at my mother as a liar. The truth is that she is ashamed of me, NOBODY ELSE. And my only brother who has 3 kids of his own said that I was lost and that he would pray for me because I was a sinner. What he doesn't know is that my mother had him out of wedlock too! By a guy that no one knows...
THIS IS JUST SO SAD, and I compensate this lack of love with food at night which led me to gain 15 pounds already in only 4 months of pregnancy.... I really need support system
OMG.....I am so sorry. That's really awful about your mom and brother. I literally sat here with my jaw dropped reading the last part about your brother being out of wedlock with a man no one knows. Have you mentioned that to your mom? I mean, not in a throwing it in her face kind of way but just....MOM....I thought you of all people would understand how I feel because you went through the same thing. I hate to hear of people using their beliefs to turn their backs or make insenstive "cliche" remarks. I am a strong christian and naturally believe that sex is for marriage only for lots of reasons. God knew that we needed committed relationships to have children, otherwise there would be a lot of pain and heartbreak...as you are now experiencing. However, even if my loved ones make decisions that are against my beliefs and decisions....I still love them. Lying is just as much of a sin as sex outside of marriage (as a christian would view and believe it). Your mom will have to bear the consequences of her lie with the people she's lied to and also to God. She will also have to answer for her own hypocrisy. Do you have another relative or friend who could be kind of a mother figure in your life? I hope someone will come into your life or maybe someone who has always been around but you haven't been as close to will step in and be there for you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb...I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made...My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together...Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139: 13-16
Oh, honey. That is so heartbreaking. I'm sorry your family and the baby's father are not only not being supportive, but also actively tearing you down. It's sad that they aren't trying to help you through this difficult transition, especially since it sounds like your mother had a similar situation once.
We all make mistakes. No one is perfect, religious or not. You are not a "sinner," you are a human. And personally, even though this sounds like it was not your ideal situation, what a wonderful outcome for a "mistake." A sweet, beautiful baby! Becoming a mother! The opportunity to experience the overwhelming feeling of a Mother's love! Those are all beautiful, wonderful, amazing, miraculous, and I will even say, Godly things.
Try not to let your family make you feel worse. Who knows? They come around one day, but in the meantime, take good care of yourself. Take time to relax and pamper yourself. Enjoy being pregnant and the miracle it is to create new life. It is truly an experience like no other. Try not let anyone taint that for you.
Do you have any close friends you can lean on for support? If not, you may be able to find a local moms group to join. There are several in my area. They meet together for support, small talk, advice, and refreshments! That may be a good way to find some women who can buoy you up when you are in need of some extra support.
Plus, you are always welcome to post here! This is a great group of very positive, smart, caring women. Feel free to make yourself at home and enjoy the company of these amazing women (I know I do)!
Many hugs. I hope things start getting better soon.
Well u are at the right place! Please stay in the group and lean on us. I k ow how hard it is to do pregnancy alone. I have one son and I did his pregnancy solo, but I did have the support of my family. This time I do not... for different reasons though - my mother is a stroke victim and is on her death bed and my father just no longer speaks to me. He doesn't even know I'm expecting. The first time I was pregnant I think I covered my pregnancy with eating and gained 90 pounds, so be careful! I hope your family comes around but in all honestly it sounds like you're a big girl supporting yourself so I cant imagine why they would be so horrible to you. I hope they come around - and we are here. And CONGRATS on your pregnancy!!
Congratulations on your pregnancy! Maybe once baby's born they will change their outlook on a few things since baby is innocent. If not then you do not need them in your life constantly judging you.
Hang in there. This is a nice community of ladies who will more than likely lift your spirits. You have a miracle growing inside of you. Cherish every moment of it because some ladies in the world long to feel life inside of them, but are unable to conceive.
Good luck!
I am so sorry that you have to go through that. Babies are such a blessing no matter how they get here. I am a Christian and I have a strong faith in God and prayer but if my child was in a similar situation I would love, support and embrace them and try to help them get through a difficult time all around. God is love, not hate or resentment. Your brother was wrong for emailing you that and he has a right to his feelings but they do not have a right to hurt you or not be supportive. I will pray for you and I hope that your family comes to their senses. Our DDC is very supportive so feel free to lean on us as much as you need..
So sorry. Why do people have to be so judgmental and mean?! My Aunt was the same way when her daughter got pregnant, out of wedlock, and with a man that disgusted her (only because of his race!). She quit talking to her daughter, so my family stepped in to be there for her. Eventually when she had the baby my Aunt came around and now loves her grandson! It's just sad that she couldn't be supportive in a time when my cousin needed it most.
I think it's hard for those that are not the pregnant one to fully accept it until the baby is born. It's that way for guys sometimes. They don't have the baby with them all day kicking and moving so it's harder to bond with it. My DH is always WAY more interested in the baby after it's born than the pregnancy. I hope you can lean on us and that your family will come around!
Sometimes people just can't drop their own judgements for the sake of others. I hope you know in your heart what an accomplishment it is that you are bringing another human being into this world. It saddens me that it is under such scrutiny and you don't have the support you deserve. I believe things may change in time and they will come around. In the mean time, we are all here and are always supportive!!
I am so sorry they are behaving like that. I think they're sorely missing out on the Christian messages on loving others, not judging the speck in someone else's eye, that sort of thing. We're here for you.
Pregnancy is hard enough without people around you making it worse. It makes me really sad when Christian love doesn't extend to tough situations where someone really does need love and support. I think you should be proud of yourself for being honest from the beginning though. Also, I would say for now, give them time, but don't allow them to hurt you. You need to stay healthy, mentally and physically, for this baby. Use the DDC for support, but maybe also reach out to friends for support who can be like family for you in this difficult time.
Hopefully they will come around and when that sweet baby is born, I think it could be the one thing that smooths everything over. Who can stay angry about how a baby comes into this world when it is finally here and the sweetness or a new life?
Anyway I hope it works out for you, continue to seek support here and other places and stay strong! Start focusing on the bright side of this pregnancy. Have you had an ultrasound yet? Got a bump growing? Share with us! If your family won't oo and ahh over that stuff we certainly will!
oh my gosh I hope you can find support and love here and through friends! I too am the same age as you and can't imagine not having the support of my mom and dad and sister and brothers. I also am a Christian and it seriously makes me so upset when "Christians" like your mom and brother live out of fear, dishonestly, and intolerance.
If Jesus was here he'd give them a talking to, I GUARANTEE IT.
In the meantime, you have to be SO VERY STRONG. You have to be your own support system and know that you are stronger than they are for it. And wiser. Please try to forgive them, because that is the best thing for your own health and your baby's health, physically and spiritually. But I realized that process could take years if not a lifetime.
Can't you just bring it up to your mom and MAKE her talk about it? At some point she is going to have to.
Ughhh.... organized religion. Religion should be less about rules and more about love.
I always find it funny how "christians" are the most judgmental people out there. They preach forgiveness and love and condemn people for life situations.
I am so sorry you have no one in your family to lean on, it breaks my heart.
I too am solo at the moment, and know how that is alone, without having your family judge and mistreat you. I hope you stay here and find some support with us.
If you ever need to talk or vent, I will gladly lend an ear.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. My parents have never been supportive or happy for me when we've announced pregnancies so I can somewhat understand. They pretty much flipped out (more so my mom) this past time when we told them we were having twins. Also, doesn't the bible say that one sin isn't any worse than another? So lying is just as bad as having sex out of wedlock. Maybe you could point that verse out to her. I wish I had some advice. I will say that my parents always come around after they've had some time to get used to the idea. Usually by the end of pregnancy and for sure after my kids have been born. I've gotten pretty mad at my parents over the whole thing but they truly do love my kids, even if we don't have the best relationship.
I don't normally post in groups that I'm not a part of but I just felt the need to chip in because I've been hurt over the same thing. Do you have any friends that are supportive? If so, lean on them. (((HUGS)))
I dont think real or true Christians ARE the most judgemental of people. ITs those who simply ape being a true Christian who lying, judging and slandering others.
