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I don't think I want anyone over at the house immediately after we get home with Latham. Not in a "leave me the beep alone" type of way. The more I think about it I am starting to worry that this is going to be a bit of an adjustment for everyone, esp. Madison. I really want her to have the chance to see the new baby in her environment and have a genuine chance to bond before other relatives plant themselves on the couch and play pass the newbie. Also, thinking back to coming home with Madison I felt like I was juggling everything body issues, baby, the house upkeep and I wasn't able to really enjoy those first few days. I want to be able to come home with him and get adjusted back to home life with a BABY, my body and everything else. Has this crossed anyone's mind or am I just way off here?
I've also been thinking of this. I want just me, DH, DS and the baby. So that we can all adjust to having a newborn around, DS can get used to him, ect. I think we'll mainly have a problem with people asking if we want them to come get DS and I don't want that either. I want all of us there as a family for atleast a few days. One or two vistors would be okay but not for atleast a couple days of us being home. I also don't won't DS going any where for atleast a couple weeks because I'll be away from him while I'm in the hospital and I want him around his brother.
The day after we got home with DS my Aunt and Granny showed up without even calling. We were tired obviously, I was sitting with my shirt off pumping and DH was in his boxers feeding DS. The house was messy and we both looked pitiful since we hadn't taken a shower or gotten dressed yet. And to top it off it was about 9:30 in the AM! I didn't care for them to come by but wished they'd waited another day or two and had called a couple hours ahead of time!
I AM RIGHT THERE WITH YOU! Andrew only gets a week off (he can take more but we decided a week would be enough) so we want to have "family" time adjusting to having another kid in the house and just getting into a routine....especially because I am not taking time off school so I am going to be in school as I pretty much give birth. I told my mom and Andrews mom that when I say that I want hospital visits so that home visits are kept to a minimum the first few weeks...IT DOES NOT PERTAIN TO THEM. grandparents are more than welcome, and will be a help, but I am talking aunts/uncles/cousins....people that normally do not come over. if that makes sense.
anyone have any tips on how to tell people we want hospital visits rather than home visits?
:/ It just makes me feel like I am keeping a special time from others. I agree with everyone and Karin made a good point that doing what is best for your family is what matters. It just makes sense in so many ways.
My family is all far away, so there won't be any surprise drop-in visits, but I'm looking forward to my father and sister coming for a visit because I know they will just make my life easier by cleaning, cooking, shopping and doing errands. But I also have a friend who wanted to come immediately to the hospital to see me -- the only trick is that might be more stressful for DH since she'd need a place to stay and potentially rides. We'll see what happens. She is a very considerate person, and thoughtful--she's worried about me in the hospital without family around since she knows how much I hate hospitals and have never had to stay in one.
Last edited by mistletoe; September 13th, 2012 at 09:05 AM.
Well, I'm pretty sure my MIL is planning some kind of party or something for when I'm in labor. I know this because she brought a big cupcake pinata to our house and showed it to the kids, saying we would save it for when baby brother was being born and then they could rip it open and watch all the candy fall out. I don't know if that's supposed to be a metaphor for birth or what. All I have to say to this is EL OH EL.
The only person besides my husband and children who will be around for those first few days is my mother. My MIL has another think comin' if she thinks I will be inviting them all to come crash at my house and the hospital while I am in labor and directly afterward. I'm sure they will be here within a week, but w/e.
It can't be worse than last time, when my in-laws all came and stayed at a vacation house 30 minutes from us and then expected us to drive out there every.single.day and spend ALL DAY LONG with them, the DAY I got out of the hospital and for the next month. It was FABULOUS. One time we left earlier than they wanted us to and MIL threw a little baby fit, saying that they were just gonna go home because she was feeling like they weren't welcome. I wish I'd just said OH that sounds like a WONDERFUL IDEA! BYE!
i just love how people make plans for YOUR labor....! i plan on with this child only letting a few people know when i am actually having the baby. I will call the grandparents and my cousin....that is it. Everyone else will know when the baby is born. I want to bond with this baby first...make sure he is okay and really have that time with him before I get too many visitors. Last time everyone was there, but this time I am going to keep it low key...I really want to be stress free and really concentrate on having this baby v-bac.
I'd really like to have a couple of days to bumble through and get used to our new little person, and I know that my parents and DH's family would be big about it and respect our wishes, but they would also be sad and hurt. And that would make me feel guilty for basically the rest of my life. So I think we'll just let people come when they want, and if we need to escape with the baby politely do so. I'm not so worried about routines right now because in the last year we've lost all sense of routine around here. I think I'd feel very differently with a small child who was getting used to being a sibling, though.
In an ideal world, we would go into labor and keep it just between us until the baby is a few hours old. And then in this dream people will call first, and if they stay more than an hour or two it's because they're here to wash dishes and change diapers!
ETA: That was not very helpful at all, completely lacking in ideas or suggestions. Sorry.
We will have tons of family come visit at the hospital and then either my mom or my MIL will come and stay for a few days after the baby's birth. I have done this with both of my previous births with my mom and I LOVE it. My mom is there in a helping capacity and has never overstepped her boundaries. She is very helpful in getting me drinks when I am breastfeeding, she helps cook dinner, she does the laundry and basic cleaning and basically does all the chores while our family bonds. She brings a book and reads when I take a nap and has helped make the older child gets lots of attention and play time. I feel feel very pampered having her there and couldn't imagine it being any different.
That's how my mom is too. She'll be here for at least a month and I cannot wait. She is such a big help to me and I just really enjoy her company, too. Plus she never intrudes. She is happy to go to her room and watch Chuck Norris (she is in love with the man, LOL) if she feels we need some privacy, or if she does. I love having her here.
My mom has always come stay for a few days after our kids have been born and it is GREAT. I so appreciate the help and company. MIL usually takes older sibs for a couple days which is actually pretty helpful. I like to have the kids visit in the hospital and maybe be around the first day home but it is nice to be able to bond with the baby alone and get sleep when I can. They have always adjusted well.
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Clairre Julianne 1/14/13
When pregnant with Brendan I felt a lot the same thoughts. I actually did not even want a lot of people to visit us in the hospital. Well, the only people who came was my mom, my sister, my best friend and 2/3 stepchildren. I actually felt sad over it and felt like people didnt care (I never told anyone to not visit me!). We came home and my mom, sister, stepkids, MIL came once or twice, my FIL came once and a couple of friends visited when I said it was ok. We have HUGE amounts of family so it was a shock to me that we didnt have more visitors. People just gave us space. Ironically I had wanted space but once I had it I didnt want it!