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I feel bad. Am I a bad auntie?


Forum: January 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
November 30th, 2012, 04:36 PM
kbpeanut's Avatar Scooter!
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Location: san diego, ca
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My brother and SIL (along with my parents) are all coming here for Christmas this year. Brother and SIL have the 1 year old, Mabel, my niece and Goddaughter.

Here is the situation.

They don't want to bring a carseat if they don't have to. Or anything else extra for that matter. (Note: they are flying). We have the same carseat that they have used, and stroller caddy too. During their visit, they would like to use Scooter's:

* car seat and stroller caddy
* crib and crib sheets, etc.
* high chair (which we weren't planning to set up for a while)
* potentially the pack n play (also which we weren't going to set up for a while)
* and probably towels, washcloths, bathtub, changing table, etc.

Of COURSE I said all of this is ok. Because OF COURSE it IS ok. She is my niece, and they are my family, and I am very close to them all (this isn't some odd estranged brother/SIL - we are all VERY close).

But am I bad to be a little sad that for all of these things, and especially because it's our first baby, that our own child won't even be the first to use them?

I feel BAD for feeling this way. I'm being a bad aunt, I know it. And of course Mabel will use all of these things, and that's going to be ok, but I just feel guilty for wishing that I really wanted my first child to be able to use all of his brand new things first?

(I actually thought of getting a new crib sheet, just for guest babies!)

Please tell me I'm a horrible auntie...
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  #2  
November 30th, 2012, 04:45 PM
lovelyenchanted's Avatar Super Mommy
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I don't think you're horrible!!

I would want my baby to be the first one to use their things to. Especially if I hadn't planned on getting those things out.

But that's just me. I get over emotional when it comes to things like this.
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  #3  
November 30th, 2012, 05:04 PM
PickyNicki's Avatar Super Mommy
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I understand how it makes things easier for them, but I also understand your feelings. I would feel the same way... And I probably would get a guest sheet. I would also say she is old enough to use regular wash cloths, towels, etc. Mine did. Just my opinion. I too am a little silly about these kinds of things.
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  #4  
November 30th, 2012, 05:11 PM
mal91011's Avatar Mommy to Maxwell
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I don't think you're horrible either. I wouldn't want anybody using Spikes brand new stuff before Spike, no matter how much I love them.
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  #5  
November 30th, 2012, 05:20 PM
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to what everyone else said. I'm a tad crazy like that though. I love my nieces but they both had all new stuff that nobody else used.
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  #6  
November 30th, 2012, 05:22 PM
MammaWannaBe's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Yeah I don't think you're insane at all. It's your first child, you waited a long time for this, and there is something special about having your baby use his things first.

I would just remember that you are doing something really nice for them in making them bring less things with them. It's really generous and making their lives easier. I always believe good karma comes back around
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  #7  
November 30th, 2012, 05:34 PM
kbpeanut's Avatar Scooter!
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Thanks ladies, I feel a bit less crazy now. I think she will totally use the regular towels and such for baths (all my Scooter towels are very nice, from Pottery Barn and such, and they are staying all wrapped up that way). I am just really stuck on the crib thing. I will for sure be getting a crib sheet for her to use, instead of my Pottery Barn sheets, which I am going to save for Scooter. The car seat too. Not sure about that, though I'm not sure how they are planning to get her from the airport to my house since they are sharing a rental car with my parents and they won't have the car seat until they get to our house.

Hmmm.

Maybe they can bring their car seat after all.

Anyhow, thanks for listening. I know I don't normally gripe about things, but this has just been eating away at me....

x
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  #8  
November 30th, 2012, 05:36 PM
mal91011's Avatar Mommy to Maxwell
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I would offer maybe the pack and play for her to sleep in, but not your brand new crib.
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  #9  
November 30th, 2012, 05:40 PM
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oh youre not a bad auntie thats an awkward position to be placed in and i would have a difficult time with it. and realstically if your SIL thinks about it she has to know it isnt easy for you. especially this being your first
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  #10  
November 30th, 2012, 05:40 PM
.Nikki.'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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OMG...I think they are horrible for even asking! Honestly that is an over step on their part, and they should be bringing their own pack and play (what it is for) and everything else. You are better then me because I would of flat out told them no.
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  #11  
November 30th, 2012, 05:40 PM
MammaWannaBe's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kbpeanut View Post
Thanks ladies, I feel a bit less crazy now. I think she will totally use the regular towels and such for baths (all my Scooter towels are very nice, from Pottery Barn and such, and they are staying all wrapped up that way). I am just really stuck on the crib thing. I will for sure be getting a crib sheet for her to use, instead of my Pottery Barn sheets, which I am going to save for Scooter. The car seat too. Not sure about that, though I'm not sure how they are planning to get her from the airport to my house since they are sharing a rental car with my parents and they won't have the car seat until they get to our house.

Hmmm.

Maybe they can bring their car seat after all.

Anyhow, thanks for listening. I know I don't normally gripe about things, but this has just been eating away at me....

x
That all sounds reasonable. Save the P and B for Scooter
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  #12  
November 30th, 2012, 05:42 PM
lovelyenchanted's Avatar Super Mommy
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I think they really need to bring their own car seat, IMO... What if her diaper leaks in it, or she throws up in it?

I just don't think I would even want to use someone else's brand new car seat before their baby was here. I'd feel horrible, and obligated to buy a new one if my baby so much as sneezed on it.

I guess the crib wouldn't bother me so much as long as I had a guest sheet.

But I agree on the towels and such, let them use regular ones.

And I would just let them know you won't be setting the high chair and pack and play up for a while. Maybe they could just purchase a small, inexpensive portable high chair (the kind that attach to a chair) when they get here? Or she can sit on their lap to eat?

I just personally would feel really bad for even suggesting I use a family members brand new things, no matter how close I was to them... I would just find a way to make it work during that short visit.
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  #13  
November 30th, 2012, 05:50 PM
kbpeanut's Avatar Scooter!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by .Nikki. View Post
... they should be bringing their own pack and play (what it is for) and everything else...
If they had a Pack n Play, I would completely suggest they bring one. They live in a small house, and don't have the room for one, so they didn't get one.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lovelyenchanted View Post
And I would just let them know you won't be setting the high chair and pack and play up for a while. Maybe they could just purchase a small, inexpensive portable high chair (the kind that attach to a chair) when they get here?
I actually just emailed my brother and told them I wasn't planning to set up the high chair for a while, and the pack n play too, though I would set that up if she would sleep in that.

I think back on all this, and months ago, my mom asked me what I would think about Mabel sleeping in the crib before Scooter, and I didn't think much about it then. She asked if I would feel strange about it...so maybe it's not that far fetched.

I also asked them what they do for all this stuff when they go visit SIL sister, which they do often. They always have the carseat, because they drive there, but what do they do about sleeping? Feeding? I'll be curious.

Bottom line is this, I think...

* if they can bring their car seat, that's GREAT.
* I can "live" with the crib, if I have her own set of sheets, though I would prefer the PnP
* high chair, I'm not setting up, period.

I feel so yucky, because we are so close, but the more and more I think about it (and stew over it), the more it angers me that they wouldn't consider our feelings before asking (though my brother asked very politely).

Thanks again for listening and making me feel normal
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  #14  
November 30th, 2012, 06:03 PM
Lacey_619's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I would feel the same way Karin. They could also go to Walmart and they have booster seats that have a tray on them that hook to the kitchen chairs that are like 15.00 and wash and store easily. We loved using them when we went to visit family.
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  #15  
November 30th, 2012, 06:35 PM
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I don't think you are bad for feeling that way at all...but look at the positive spin...a lot of those products are either plastic or have been packaged in plastic....the out gassing of these products will happen to an older, bigger and more established child rather than your little one. On that note alone, I'd be "okay" with letting them air out!
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  #16  
November 30th, 2012, 06:47 PM
kbpeanut's Avatar Scooter!
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Huh! That IS very interesting! I never even thought of that!
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  #17  
November 30th, 2012, 06:55 PM
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Most car rental companies have an option to rent a carseat as well, can they look into that? I want to say it's about $60/week.
Why don't they want to travel with the car seat? We brought DD's convertible on the plane and it worked very well. Granted, DH is a big guy and didn't mind lugging it around.
I'd also offer the pack n play for her to sleep in, but maybe not the crib.
It is a bit of an imposition for them to ask to use all your new stuff, before your child has even used it.
If you end up letting them use the crib, I don't think it's too much at all to ask them to bring their own crib sheets.
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  #18  
November 30th, 2012, 07:03 PM
kbpeanut's Avatar Scooter!
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I think the reason they don't want to bring the car seat is that they aren't buying her a seat for the short flight, rather they are just keeping her as a lap baby. I don't see why they can't check the car seat, though? If it's the cost to check, I'd pay that, but I honestly don't think that's it. I think they just don't want to lug it. I don't see why it's a big deal though.

Ya, I'm getting more and more set on holding my ground on this. I might have to talk to my mom about this, and see what she thinks I should do. Hmmm.
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  #19  
November 30th, 2012, 07:18 PM
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I agree with you completely on this. I wouldn't want anyone using Parker's things before he could, and I don't think holding your ground on that is rude regardless of how close you are to them. After all you are letting them stay with you and everything, so I'm sure they'll understand your concerns.
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  #20  
November 30th, 2012, 07:40 PM
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Also, it is possible that you could have the baby early and would need the car seat etc. Like someone else said they can rent a car seat from the rental company.
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