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Just wanted to update you on what's been going on with me. First of all, I want to apologize for not being around much. I feel like a crappy co-host. There is just so much going on, I feel like I'm spread so thin. I do read the boards, just not much time to respond.
The good news is, Lucy is doing very well. They take such awesome care of her in the NiCU, we are so grateful for the wonderful care she is getting.
Lucy spent 48hrs under the special list bc her billirubin levels were very high (jaundice). She is now out of the lights and into a regular bassinet. Now they are really working on her eating. She has a feeding tube in that they use if she doesn't do well with the bottle. Sometimes she eats ok, other times she is very sleepy or doesn't want to suck. Sucking is a skill that is really worked on the last few weeks of pregnancy, so as a 34-weeker, she is naturally behind in that area. They really need to see her start gaining weight. It's just going to take time. Each day, she gets a day older and stronger!
I am pumping at home for her, and working on nursing when I go visit each day. I'm thrilled to report that today was her best nursing session yet. She did awesome and was more interested/eager than ever. Now that her jaundice is getting better, she has more energy. No word yet on when she might come home. I don't think it will be terribly long though.
Now for the bad... And it's really not bad it's just the sucky part. The reality of it. Lucy is great. Mommy however, is run-ragged. Between trying to get to the hospital as much as possible, almost an hour each way. Caring for my daughter (she can't go into the NICU, so I have to find care for her when I go to the hospital). Trying to pump, it's going ok but would be so much easier with baby nearby.
It's really, really hard to not have my baby with me. I know she's where she needs to be right now. And if I didn't have another child, I'd be there 24/7. I just feel spread so thin, my heart wants to be two places at once. I feel guilty when I'm not at the hospital bonding with her and nursing her. I feel guilty leaving DD1, because I was gone all week last week and she missed me terribly.
I know all this will be over soon and we'll have Lucy at home with us. Like I said, I am so so so grateful for the care she is receiving. We have a lot to be thankful for. And we LOVE Lucy so much. She is such a sweet little peanut. She rarely cries, she just sleeps looking like a little angel DH has been great through all this too. He has really stepped it up in his role as daddy. He goes to visit Lucy before work- waking up at 3:30am to go see her. He usually goes after work too, just to hold her for a while. So in all I know we'll grow stronger from this as a family.
I'm finally spending an evening at home, so I hope to sit down and write my birth story tonight. I hope everyone is well, miss you all!!!
Glad Lucy is doing so well. I cannot imagine how hard this is on you. Do not worry about co host. We still love you! Your daughters know how much there mommy loves them. Take care and thanks for posting!
Mom to Ryan (11) and Ashley (4)
Expecting #3 January 9/2013
Hang on there Rachel! Your feelings are completely normal and you did just have a baby too. It all would be very difficult. You are doing great and Lucy is lucky to have a family that loves her so much. Before you know it Lucy will be home and you can get to your new normal. Congrats again on your beautiful girl.
NICU time is SO hard. No matter where you are, it feels like the wrong place, doesnt it? It sounds like she's doing great, though, so she'll be home soon. Take care of yourself, and don't even worry about us.
Hugs to you.
wife to Michael, mama to Zoe (12), Selene (8), Garvin (6), Gwen (3), Thomas (21m), and a bonus surprise, due 29 June 2015
You are right Lucy is where she needs to be right now and although it is hard being without her she will be home soon and you all can start bonding at home as a family! Just a little while longer! Sounds like you are staying strong! Keep us posted And im sure Lucy will be home soon! Thanks for the update!!
Rachel I'm in the same boat as you are with the whole feeding/jaundice thing. Eli is such a lazy bottle sucker that we have to fight to keep him awake to make sure he at least gets one ounce at each feeding. It's a vicious cycle because the more they eat, the more they poop, the more jaundice they get rid of. If they can't eat enough then the jaundice will not leave and unfortunately with our type of preemies the skills to do that are just not there yet because of how early they were.
If you need to talk or vent please don't hesitate to PM me and we can swap stories. I know exactly what you mean by being spread thin and wanting to be everywhere at once. Try to get some rest too...I know I'm one to talk...I should be asleep right now but I'm on here instead