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Forum: January 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
February 22nd, 2013, 11:46 AM
MammaWannaBe's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Ok I am going to admit something that I haven't admitted to anyone except my mom...

....Being a Stay at Home Mom is a lot harder than I thought and sometimes I sort of hate it as in a looking at months and months and then years more of this makes me shudder in terror.

And I feel totally guilty saying that. Because this is what I wanted and I worked hard to ensure that I can stay sort of at home (I am a part time independent contractor so I can work from home although at this point part time means like 7 hours a week because we are not on a set schedule and I can really only work around her at the moment).

So, I feel like a total failure because I sort of suck at this SAHM mom thing. It's like there isn't enough to do, but at the same time, I can't do that much with this little being that basically eats, sleeps, burps, poops, pees, cries, and on occasion stays awake for a bit, content to kick her legs in her pack n' play...these moments are fleeting at the moment.

What I want to know is, how do you SAHM's do it? How do you schedule your days so you feel like you are doing enough and successful as a person? Right now we have a pretty good nighttime routine, but during the day it's basically an 8ish feeding, then we take an hour long walk, I try to schedule one errand a day to get out of the house in the late am/early afternoon, but then we hit 1-2ish and I'm losing my mind and if I sit down I'll certainly fall asleep and I can't do that with a crying infant who just wants to be held.

I know I'm babbling and if anyone has made it this far...thank you. Basically, how do you other mom's do it? How do you maintain an identity and lead meaningful days? Does it get easier as they get older to set a schedule and to do more with them? Is part of it just the adjustment to motherhood/she's only 6 weeks old? I'm having serious mommy guilt over not loving every moment of this Stay at Home Mom thing. I am so lucky to have a job that I can make my own hours and to be in a position that if I don't work 20-25 hours a week, we won't be in the red, but at the same time, I sort of dread each day because they seem to drag on sometimes.

HELP! I sort of feel like a sucky mom. :/
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  #2  
February 22nd, 2013, 11:52 AM
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Have you thought about looking into any mommy and me classes or getting into any play groups with other mother's with kiddos?
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  #3  
February 22nd, 2013, 12:21 PM
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Your post was the highlight of my day with the "shutter in terror part"! To some extent I think we ALL feel the same as you. Being at home with a LO is no joke unless you have the perfect baby which LORD knows I don't. This is my third baby and my answer to you and myself for that matter is "It does/will get easier" with time! Their colicky, dependent, all I do is pee/poop and eat stage does pass and you will have a really cool kid one of these days! Just remind yourself, "they are only little like this for a short time" and they'll come a time in life you'll wish you could just snuggle them up in your arms like you can today! EMBRACE IT and Drink Lots and LOTS of Wine! LOLOL!
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  #4  
February 22nd, 2013, 12:24 PM
Sawyers_Mommy's Avatar Cautiously Expecting #2!
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First of all don't feel guilty! Not saying you don't want to be a SAHM or won't make one but some mom's are just better at being working moms. Wether it be part time or full time. Alot of moms NEED to work just a little bit to stay sane, doesn't mean you don't love your LO's just as much as a SAHM.

Time will go by faster once she's mobile. You'll be chasing after her, cleaning up her messes and all that fun stuff. Plus once she's older there will be more things you can do with her that will be fun, like the park. I don't plan out days, I just kinda flow with them. I mean we have a schedule of when we eat and stuff but other than that DS1 just plays with his toys or we go outside if it's warm or we run errands if I need to or go visit my mom or the park. Lol ok enough with the ors kelsey.

When DS1 was born and it was just me and him here. I'd keep the house picked up and cook supper but other than that if he was content I honestly laid around and watched tv the first couple months he was born. I couldn't sleep because I wasn't sleepy tired (he was a good sleeper at night from the get go) but I'd be tired so I'd lay down periodically and watch movies. Once he got older and it was warmer outside I'd go out in the yard and let him crawl around and when he slept I'd clean.

I personally LOVE being a SAHM. Some days I feel like i'm going to go absolutely crazy and just need to step away even if its just to run to the dollar store and back but I wouldn't change being here. I love working to and always thought I'd be a working mom, but now that I have my kids, if I"m working even just part time I hate being away and knowing someone else is caring for them. I'm afraid of what I'll miss, like 'firsts' and stuff. As far as the feeling successful thing, If I've managed to keep the house decent, both boys are cared for and happy and supper is cooked then I feel very successful And I am not in ANYWAY saying you don't love being with Vivi or anything like that, just telling you how "I" feel about "me" I think alot of it has to do with that she's only 6wks old, and yes it can be boring at times because she's not doing much but I bet once she gets older you'll not feel this way too much and if you do then theres nothing wrong with it. Like I said some moms prefer being working mamas.

Gee sorry I wrote a book and not sure if anything I said will help you much, it's hard for me to explain things sometimes
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  #5  
February 22nd, 2013, 12:27 PM
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I definitely recommend mommy groups! I would go nuts without my mommy friends that I get out and do stuff with during the week.

For me, I realized that different things were now important to me. What matters to me is spending time with my kids before they're too grown up to want to spend time with me. I love all the little things. Making lunches and kissing boo-boos and snuggling my sleepy 4 year old in the mornings. Being an attentive audience for my 5 year old's dissertation on the various systems in the human body. As far as feeling successful as a person? LOL, well, if we make it out of the house on time with everyone clean/dressed/combed/fed, I feel like one of the top ten most successful people on the planet. And I do also work from home, but I haven't done much since Lincoln was born and to tell you the truth I don't really want to go back to it, but I will and I hope I can handle it.

I think that part of it is her age, also. It gets so much more interesting when they can interact and respond to you more. I loved going places with my older kids before Lincoln was born and the 3 of us would have a wonderful time together. It's alot harder now and that's something I'm struggling with but hopefully the more I do it the better it will get.

In just a few short months you will be able to really enjoy things like song and story time at the local library, or a mommy and me playdate at a park, or taking her out for breakfast, etc. Showing these precious little people the world is a very, very satisfying way to spend your days.
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  #6  
February 22nd, 2013, 12:41 PM
MammaWannaBe's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks for everyone's responses! It is reassuring to know that it does get better and that I'm not the only one that feels this way.

The thing is, I couldn't imagine having a sitter or someone else raising my child. I really do want to be there for her and be home with her, but it's not as rosy as I naively thought it would be. It's hard work! But I love those moments that make it so rewarding, like how she greeted me with HUGE smiles yesterday morning after sleeping through the night and clearly knew who I was. Or today how she was moving around so much that I was so SURE she was going to roll over (she didn't but she was happy at least). I adore these moments and they are totally what keep me going and I just wouldn't want to leave her and go off to work every day.

I think I need to look into mommy and me classes for sure. She adores music and being around other adults would help me too. I'm newish to my area and I really don't know a lot of people that are around my age with children. All my friends either live a bit further away and they are working during the day so what am I left to do!?

Maybe I'll look into a music class this weekend or something. I'm really excited for when it's warm enough to use the pool (can't believe I am saying that considering it's like 80 today) but more consistently warm and she is older so we can go hang out by the pool and test out the water. Maybe give her some swimming lessons That'll probably be a good way to meet other SAHM's in my development as well.
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  #7  
February 22nd, 2013, 12:41 PM
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I get six weeks of maternity leave, and after five I can't believe how hard it has been. Wonderful, but hard. It took my all week to put laundry away, I barely can shower or eat, etc. It's not a lot of work, it's just constantly spaced out work, or lots of cuddling which means no chores get done. I have a whole new respect for SAHMs. It's hard! I secretly can't wait to drop her off at day care and go back to work. It is not a reflection of how much I love her at all, but just bad time management on my part I guess.
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  #8  
February 22nd, 2013, 01:13 PM
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I don't even have a single thing to offer you, as I'm in the same boat. It's all I can do to make it through a day, but honestly, I am just trying to cherish every moment - good and bad. Our days this week have been: 1 great, 1 awful, 1 so-so, and today, which started out great, turned sour, and is looking better now.

I was having a morning of nursing. Yes, a whole morning. He got up at 730, wanted to eat. So he ate. For FORTY FIVE minutes. (I was FULL). Then he napped for about 10 minutes, woke up wanting more. 20 minutes on the other side, and we were done. I got up, changed him, then he was content in his bouncy seat for about 20 min while I attempted to squeeze/pump any last drops out of me. Only 20 minutes, though, and he wanted to be nursing again. But first, whoa, "what is that smell?" Change poopy diaper, and I barely have him off the changing table when he starts rooting like crazy and basically giving my forearm a hickey trying to find boobage.

So from about 930 until 1130, he nursed. He only stopped when he had a wet diaper. I would change him, switch sides, and that was that. He was not hungry, he wasn't eating (not that I had anything left anyway), but rather comfort nursing. At one point, I needed coffee, so just held him in place while I walked downstairs and made coffee. He was getting so frustrated from no milk really coming out (what do you expect pal, after 2 hours of constant nursing?), so he was just doing the bobble head thing on my boobs. I felt so bad for him. At one point, I put him up on my chest to rest. Then he started sucking on my chest.

Then I remembered that he is just a wee little one who spent 9 months all warm and cozy inside me, and he's still trying to learn what to do out here, and when he can't figure it out, he wants comfort that is mommy. So I just tried to keep that in the forefront of my mind and let any negativity fall by the wayside.

But that was just this morning. By afternoons, he will be awake by 2-3 and fussy. When DH gets home about 6, I usually pass him off and go take a shower or something.

I guess my point is that YES it's hard. And I had NO idea what to expect. I thought I would be back at my computer every day after just "putting him down for a nap". Well, nobody told me you can't "just do that". You can't "just do" anything. My poor dogs are being neglected (not really, just they aren't getting the cuddles from me that they used to), and it's a wonder I remember to feed the fish, hermit crabs and gecko every day. If I shower, it's a good day, and if I eat lunch, it's an even better day!

But, I think with time will come learning, and also routine. At least that's what I'm hoping. Baxter is only a month old (today!), and he is so far from routine, it's not even funny.

I don't know if we'll be able to have more children, so often times, when I am getting extra frustrated or tired or whatever, I look at him, and cherish the moments I have with him at this age. Like everyone says, time flies, and until I experienced it, I didn't believe it. Now, I look back at pictures I took of him just last week and realize how much he's changing. I don't want to miss any of this special time, just because I'm pissing vinegar about how I smell or about the shower I didn't get that day.

Now, check back with me at 4am when I can't get the booger back to sleep, and I might have a very different story to share

(Disclaimer: Written with a very content, sleeping baby, while Mommy is getting work done, having also just showered for 15 luxurious minutes, and ate lunch).
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  #9  
February 22nd, 2013, 02:18 PM
MammaWannaBe's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Yeah it's so hard, the pull between wanting to cherish every moment and also wanting her to get older and more interactive. It's really a lot harder than I thought. I also thought that I would be putting her down and she would rest in her bouncy seat while I did a few hours of work. HA! I'm lucky if I get a few minutes of work done with her strapped to me as I sway back and forth singing show tunes at the top of my lungs. It's total anarchy and what's crazy is that I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

I'm also not on a schedule and it's driving me crazy. Once you think you are getting on a schedule, she throws you for a loop. I'm trying to just be thankful that we have a pretty solid nighttime routine and that she actually sleeps for pretty solid stretches most nights. Motherhood is DEFINITELY an adjustment, a "gorgeous catastrophe" as the article Meg shared with us put it.
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  #10  
February 22nd, 2013, 05:50 PM
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I think it really depends.

I've been a SAHM for almost 9 years. However I have never been a SAHM with only 1 child or with only healthy children. I could see how that would be difficult.


How do I do it? Well really there isnt a lot that I do with Mykelti that you dont do. However I have 5 kids during the week and 6 on weekends.

But to pass my day I Homeschool, go on my Debate Board, Take my cats blood sugar 5 times a day, plus we have 1-3 Drs appts or therapies a week. But my favorite pass time...taking the kids to dance 6 days a week. Thats my favorite bc I love the other mums there. They keep me sane.

I also signed up for mummy and me swimming lessons, am starting to go to a mummy and me playgroup...and I come on here.
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  #11  
February 22nd, 2013, 07:17 PM
SaraSmiles's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am a SAHM and I feel like my days are constantly busy with a whole lot of nothing. Like literally, in the morning is absolute chaos for about 1 hour between feeding Joshua and getting the other 2 ready and out the door for school. Its like everything has to be planned perfectly or else they will be late. Like if Joshua is slower at eating one day, I feel like the whole morning is thrown off. Then once the kids are at school, I sit around and wait for him to want to eat again. (In the mean time I usually clean and stuff but overall, not much gets done because I never want to start a big project because I never know when he is going to wake up again. Then in the afternoon I try to have at least 1 thing planned, even if it is just going to the grocery store to get milk. Just to get out of the house and feel like a person. Then I pick the kids up from school (which his eating schedule has to be right on time for or else it will be non stop screaming the whole time I am at the school. Then the dinner rush. Cook Dinner, homework, spend time with the kids, baths etc until 8pm. Then I get stuff ready for the next day and it all begins again.
I feel super accomplished if I vaccuum and have dinner cooked lol. The joys of being a stay at home mom. But then again, I barely trust DH with joshua yet, I cant even imagine him being at a daycare or something. OMG i would probably have a heart attack.
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  #12  
February 22nd, 2013, 07:23 PM
Sawyers_Mommy's Avatar Cautiously Expecting #2!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SaraSmiles View Post
I am a SAHM and I feel like my days are constantly busy with a whole lot of nothing. Like literally, in the morning is absolute chaos for about 1 hour between feeding Joshua and getting the other 2 ready and out the door for school. Its like everything has to be planned perfectly or else they will be late. Like if Joshua is slower at eating one day, I feel like the whole morning is thrown off. Then once the kids are at school, I sit around and wait for him to want to eat again. (In the mean time I usually clean and stuff but overall, not much gets done because I never want to start a big project because I never know when he is going to wake up again. Then in the afternoon I try to have at least 1 thing planned, even if it is just going to the grocery store to get milk. Just to get out of the house and feel like a person. Then I pick the kids up from school (which his eating schedule has to be right on time for or else it will be non stop screaming the whole time I am at the school. Then the dinner rush. Cook Dinner, homework, spend time with the kids, baths etc until 8pm. Then I get stuff ready for the next day and it all begins again.
I feel super accomplished if I vaccuum and have dinner cooked lol. The joys of being a stay at home mom. But then again, I barely trust DH with joshua yet, I cant even imagine him being at a daycare or something. OMG i would probably have a heart attack.
OT Sara, but can I just say you can def tell all your kids are sibilings, they look soooo much alike!
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  #13  
February 23rd, 2013, 07:51 AM
alicia1984's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I wish i could be a sahm again. I was one while i went to nursing school, but i don't know if that counts because i was constantly at school or studying. But now that i have three kids i am kind of nervous about going back to work. I am freaking out over the housework. I need a better schedule. I envy sahm but i worked hard to get my nursing license and enjoy my job most of the time. My husband and i work opposite shifts. We have my mil or my mom watch the kids a fee times a weeks for an hour or two. I have asked my husband if he wants to work part time or just be a sahd but he said he needs his job to get a break from the kids. I must admit i miss conversations with people over four. I get very sad when i miss out on putting my kids to bed... EspeciAlly the years i have had to work christmas eve. I work a lot of holidays due to the joy of health care. But yeah when i was a sahm with just one kid for two years the days were long!
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  #14  
February 23rd, 2013, 07:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alicia1984 View Post
I envy sahm but i worked hard to get my nursing license and enjoy my job most of the time.
This was the hardest part of being a SAHM. I loveed my job with SN kids, I loved fostering. I had to stop doing both whenn Bryn was born. It broke my heart.
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  #15  
February 23rd, 2013, 08:52 AM
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Being home all day with your baby is tough work, but once they get on a schedule it's so much easier! Ember has been a really, really easy baby, but in the last two weeks it just got even easier. Ember is now on a predictable schedule and enjoys playing in her jumpy and on her play mat so I can set her down for longer stretches workout her wanting to be picked back up. She is also eating more in one feeding and going longer in between feedings so we have more play time and less feeding time when she is awake. Ember is 8 weeks and her fussy time (gas at its worst) was 4-6 or 5-7 now she doesnt really fuss during that time and handles her gas better. Once Vivi gets on a good schedule, I am sure things will get easier. You aren't alone though, being home is tough but for some reason it just gets easier (or we just get used to the hard times).
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  #16  
February 23rd, 2013, 10:19 AM
nursingmama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alicia1984 View Post
I wish i could be a sahm again. I was one while i went to nursing school, but i don't know if that counts because i was constantly at school or studying. But now that i have three kids i am kind of nervous about going back to work. I am freaking out over the housework. I need a better schedule. I envy sahm but i worked hard to get my nursing license and enjoy my job most of the time. My husband and i work opposite shifts. We have my mil or my mom watch the kids a fee times a weeks for an hour or two. I have asked my husband if he wants to work part time or just be a sahd but he said he needs his job to get a break from the kids. I must admit i miss conversations with people over four. I get very sad when i miss out on putting my kids to bed... EspeciAlly the years i have had to work christmas eve. I work a lot of holidays due to the joy of health care. But yeah when i was a sahm with just one kid for two years the days were long!
I feel very much the same way. I only have 2 kids and was never able to be a SAHM but I wish I could give it a shot at least for a year I love nursing but I work nights and hate missing bedtime and being super cranky during the day because I have been up all night working. I also hate being gone on holidays. However DH is in school and I am the main income so for the next 3yrs until he gets his degree and starts his career this is how it has to be.

I think each side of the coin (being a SAHM vs a working mom) has its unique challenges but we all manage to make it through each day with our little ones! Like everyone else has said I think the important part is to enjoy each minute and try not to focus on the hard parts. We all share the best job in the world: being a mama! ♥
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  #17  
February 23rd, 2013, 06:19 PM
RobynL's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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This is y 2nd so my days are full with preschool (co-op), gymnastics, dance class, and play groups.

But my first time around I remember being lonely and just sitting on the couch holding a baby all day. My world changed when I joined our local mothers club and started trying play groups out. I joined two and one of them really clicked. We have been meeting weekly, if not more for 3 years! It is so nice to ave other sahm friends! I also researched activities and started taking my dd to story time's, zoo, parks etc.
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  #18  
February 23rd, 2013, 07:35 PM
MammaWannaBe's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I think I am going to definitely look into classes, both for baby and for me. I need to do yoga or something once a week just to have some "me" time and get me centered. Maybe more often if I can swing it. Also going to look into mommy and me classes especially those centered around music because Vivi adores music. Most classes seem to be open to kids 2 or 3 months old and up so I'll have to wait a bit, but I feel better having a task at hand. I'm also going to continue to do my am walks to get us out and moving and also plan an errand most days that gets us out of the house for an hour or so, just to break up the day.
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  #19  
February 24th, 2013, 03:40 AM
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I was just talking to DH today about classes I want to do eventually. I am hoping someplace near us has a swim n gym type class. I did that as an infant and my mom said I loved it. My niece, now 15 months, has been in a music together class since she was pretty young and my brother and SIL love it and so does she. I would love that. Gymbo is also another option!
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