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PP anxiety/ insomnia anyone else?


Forum: January 2013 Playroom

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  • 2 Post By mal91011
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  #1  
February 28th, 2013, 08:39 PM
missadie222's Avatar Go Your Own Way mama2b
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Northern California
Posts: 424
Anyone else struggling with it? Or with PPD? I am trying my best to avoid PPD but I have recently gotten a serious bout of insomnia. One night i was up from 12-7 even though my DH and LO were sleeping sound. It was so awful, like I was stuck in the prison of my own brain that won't turn off. I even had hot cold flashes and felt filled with panic... I have NEVER struggled to go to sleep before especially when this exhausted!

I don't have many depressed thoughts, but I do miss my old life and my old time to myself. My son is wonderful but he is definitely high maintenance which I know all babies are but DANG I wish he could tell me what is wrong when he is crying. Usually we figure it out and he doesn't have the classic colic, well maybe he does I just don't know. I miss graphic design and playing music and having time to write in my journals and take walks and get coffee....

I am 7 week PP and the insomnia and slightly off thoughts are coming out of left field after my LO had a growth spurt and for 3 nights was up every hour last week, which made me want to die I was so pooped. Finally I had a night where DH could take over and help and what do you know... I couldn't sleep myself. I got a prescription for Ambien (and I am usually ALL NATURAL but dude I am desperate) and it worked one night but then last night I tried not to take it and finally gave in and took a half but then I just got little nightmares and couldn't sleep from 2-5am. I know I should see a therapist/ professional counselor and I'm going to look into it. I have an acupuncture session lined up next week as well. I think that this has to do with being an older mom as I have had free time and a free life to do anything I want for about 18 years now (I'm 37)... and the anxiety is because I value sleep and always have, more than anyone I know. I get so FREAKED out about TRYING to go to sleep that I literally am too conscious for it to happen!

Can anyone relate?
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Last edited by missadie222; February 28th, 2013 at 08:52 PM.
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  #2  
March 1st, 2013, 06:11 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,110
I don't have insomnia, but I'm pretty sure I have some PPD and maybe some anxiety also. I'm just trying to weather it because I know things will get better soon. This is a really tough time imo, because the babes are starting to be awake more, but they're not really old enough to play yet so they get cranky unless someone is holding them and entertaining them, etc. I'm expecting things to get easier when Linc is a bit older and can sit up and play with some toys and watch his big brother and sister playing.

I do miss how things used to be. I love Linc, but I miss being able to get out with my older kids easily and doing things with them. I feel like all of our lives revolve around this little screaming bundle right now (except my husband's, SIGH) and it's very tiring. I'm also having issues with my two older kids and there are many days that I am in tears and the only thing holding me together is knowing that this won't last forever. It WILL get easier.

Anyway, hugs. I hope you get some sleep soon, being so overly tired makes everything feel so much worse. I'm not getting a lot of sleep but I guess after 6 years of having kids I'm just used to it, because I don't feel like as much of a zombie as I did with the other two kids.
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  #3  
March 1st, 2013, 06:26 AM
mal91011's Avatar Mommy to Maxwell
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: GRMI
Posts: 3,483
I finally admitted to my hubby last night that I think I have some kind of ppd. Between my traumatic delivery, the stress of a few things that have been out of my control, the guilt of not being able to breastfeed, the guilt of not bringing max to meet my grandmother before she passed. And now I'm starting to feel guilty about having to put max in daycare in a few weeks.

Basically just a ridiculous amount of guilt. And I can't shake it. I can't stop dwelling on things. Like I wake up in the middle of the night and can't stop thinking about how I failed at breastfeeding.

My hospital has a ppd support group I might attend. Theres also a nonprofit here for postpartum moms, maybe I might call them.
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  #4  
March 1st, 2013, 03:06 PM
missadie222's Avatar Go Your Own Way mama2b
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Northern California
Posts: 424
I called my doc and am hoping to get counseling next week and find out if I even have
PPD... i might just have PP anxiety. Because I really don't feel depressed at all. In fact when I sleep I feel terrific. But the thing is I have never not slept great before, so something is up.

Yeah- this age is hard. I can't wait for interaction!
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  #5  
March 4th, 2013, 10:06 AM
MelibearMom's Avatar Melissa--expecting #4!!
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Location: Utah
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Wow, sounds a lot like me when I had DD1. I missed my old life and DD was a VERY hard baby. She would cry randomly and it was impossible to get her to stop. I could go anywhere without feeling anxious! Night time was the same. DH's dad had also died right after she was born and it was a tough time. I finally figured it out when she was about 7 months old!!! I got on some depression meds and it was AMAZING the difference I had in my feelings and attitude! Definitely get some help! It doesn't have to be so horrible!
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  #6  
March 4th, 2013, 10:26 AM
MammaWannaBe's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I didn't even know there was something called PP anxiety.

I have diagnosed general anxiety disorder and its been hard for me to tell what is normal and what isn't. I'm really thankful for this group though and everyone who can be honest and open about the ups and downs of mothering. All I ever wanted was children and to be a somewhat stay at home mom an I got everything I wanted and yet I'm not over the moon happy. I adore my baby but sometimes I wish I could just get away and when I do get help from others I feel so guilty like I should be with her 24/7 and not relying on others for help. And now that she has a cold I feel like even more of a failure. I can't fall asleep without an aid at night which sucks but yeah I can relate I guess is what I'm trying to say.

I decided to bite the bullet and tell my DH that no matter what the cost, we are working a monthly gym membership into our budget. I need a healthy release and since I am also having issues with self image, I figure the gym will be good for mind body and soul plus there is free daycare for up To 2 hours. I need downtime during the day and even just an hour to focus on me. I hope that will help because I really do feel like I'm drowning by the end of the day and just a crappy mom for having these feelings.
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  #7  
March 4th, 2013, 01:22 PM
nursingmama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Mesa, AZ
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im glad you are seeing your dr about it. The trauma surrounding DS1s birth left me with terrible postpartum anxiety and depression. But as a first time mom I felt guilty about how i was feeling and even though Im a nurse and know a lot about ppd I didnt recognize it in myself for 9 months. I wish I had realized that the way I was feeling was not normal because as soon as I got help for my depression/anxiety I felt like a whole new person and was able to enjoy being a mom so much more.

Its ok (and totally normal) to miss your old life. Dont feel bad or guilty about those feelings. Your whole identity changed in a matter of minutes when you became a mama, your mind and body are just trying to catch up to your new "self"
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  #8  
March 4th, 2013, 01:48 PM
mal91011's Avatar Mommy to Maxwell
Join Date: Jan 2012
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I talked with a former coworker today who is an infant toddler therapist (which means she works with postpartum moms) and I found it really helpful. I'm going to a support group tomorrow.
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  #9  
March 5th, 2013, 10:11 AM
kbpeanut's Avatar Scooter!
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Location: san diego, ca
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I have bouts of crying but is always related to lack of sleep. I am so glad you are reaching out and always I is that this forum is a source of support for you as well. xx
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  #10  
March 5th, 2013, 10:23 AM
mamaginger's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: South Carolina
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That happened to me with my first baby. I psyched myself out about only being able to sleep in 2 hr increments so I would just lay there awake until the next feeding time. It was awful. They did give me ambien in the hospital but nothing once I got home. I got better after a couple weeks but had anxiety about crib death for years. I seem to be a lot less anxious this time. I guess it's just because I know what to expect. Hope you find some peace and relief!
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For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb...I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made...My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together...Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139: 13-16

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