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Mommy Guilt


Forum: January 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
March 29th, 2013, 06:54 PM
Host of March '10 PR
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Connecticut
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One thing I've learned about mommyhood is that it's full of guilt. Granted, it's often unnessacary, silly guilt... But it's there none the less, no matter what anyone tells you.

With DD1 I struggled with tremendous guilt when I stopped BF'ing at 4 months. The guilt lingered until well past her 1st birthday.

This time around, I feel guilty that I have to spread myself between my two girls. I always feel like one isn't getting enough of me. I know that's not true and it's all in my head, but I can't shake it.
I also feel guilty when I leave the girls in the childcare at the gym. DD1 has lots if fun, so I'm ok leaving her. But Lucy is just so little. She usually sleeps the whole time she's in there, but still I just feel incredibly guilty for leaving her in there.

Anyone else struggling with mommy guilt? Over what?
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  #2  
March 30th, 2013, 04:46 AM
kbpeanut's Avatar Scooter!
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 12,174
I often have guilt when I let DH give him a bottle...like I should be feeding him every meal (even though the bottle is expressed breast milk?!?!). I know that I would struggle with guilt if I choose to stop breast-feeding before he self weans, so I am going to give that careful thought if and when it comes around.
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  #3  
March 30th, 2013, 07:19 AM
MammaWannaBe's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
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I totally struggled w mom guilt over not bring able to bf. hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm doing better now but I struggle still seeing others succeed with it. My SIL EBF and a few weeks ago my mil mistakenly referred to her expressed milk in the fridge as formula and she gave her the death stare. I know she didn't mean it but it made me feel so bad. Like me giving my kid formula is bad.

I also haven't gone to the gym or found a sitter for a few mornings a week because of similar guilt. I need a break but I feel bad not taking care of her. I never imagine working a bit from home would be so hard and I want to take on more work and I feel like I'm neglecting my kid. It's a big struggle right now

My immediate guilt of the moment is because of a wrist procedure yesterday that turned out to be extensive I can't hold my baby or care for her. I feel useless, like a slacker. Although the bright side is I feel like my DH is getting a taste of what my days are like. Not so easy
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  #4  
March 30th, 2013, 04:30 PM
Dee
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,499
Definitely breastfeeding guilt. I tried everything - including Reglan - but finally gave up at three months. I can tell myself over and over that it was the right call for 100 reasons, but it doesn't change the feeling of guilt.

I feel guilty letting him fuss while I am (pick one: feeding the dog, going to the bathroom, washing the dishes, something else useful), and even though I watch for his ability to self soothe, I still feel guilty about it.

If he doesn't get enough: tummy time, cuddle time, etc., guilt for that.

And this is just the infant stuff! Just wait until I miss a soccer game/school play/spelling bee.

Yes, I have the guilt.
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  #5  
March 31st, 2013, 01:11 PM
missadie222's Avatar Go Your Own Way mama2b
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Northern California
Posts: 424
oH TOTALLY. Even when I put him in the swing for 30 minutes I feel guilty! Like we aren't cooing and teaching things to him every single second... but a girl has to clean house, right?

Yeah. I can tell I'm really gonna struggle with guilt. I still am BFing, but give 2-3 supplemental bottles a day totalling about 8 ounces. My goal was to make it to 3 months BFing. It's so hard to be the only one responsible for his food, and yet now I am realizing I should probs BF til at least 6 months. I'm hoping he likes solids around 5 months and that will make a transition to formula only and solids OK. I love the closeness of BFing, but DANG if it ain't the hugest responsibility and time sucker! Of course I can hear the lactation consultant conscience on my shoulder now "what does time matter when it's the health of your baby?" Well, phooey on that. My 4 siblings and I all got soy formula from 3 months on. We all turned out smart and happy and compassionate people. So yeah, I'm sure I will struggle when I quit BFing, but I'm sure it will feel great to get a little more time to myself. And then..... I've noticed that you look forward to time alone or out with friends, but as soon as you are doing that you realize you are no longer the girl ya used to be, and you aren't having fun with your friends the way you used to, and in the back of your mind there is a constant thought of your sweet baby at home with DH. And then you know, a full on identity crisis comes hand in hand with being a new mom. Guilt included.
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