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I am at my wits end with my 7 yr old. Help!!


Forum: January 2013 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By LilHerndon

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  #1  
May 27th, 2013, 07:29 PM
SaraSmiles's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Since he was about 5, he has been on and off having poop accidents in his underwear. Either he will hold it and hold it until he cant hold it anymore and it comes out or he will just go in his pants bc he doesn't want to stop playing for a minute to go to the bathroom. The problem will go away for awhile, then come back again, then go away for awhile, then return. And this time, it has been a constant for about 6 months and I am about to lost it! I have put him in diapers thinking it would embarrass him enough to just use the toilet instead of looking like a baby, I tried taking away all his toys and grounding him until he earns them back by using the bathroom. I tried grounding him for days at a time where he was able to do nothing other than eat sleep and use the bathroom. I don't know what else to do. I ask him over and over again why he doesn't just use the toilet like everyone else in our family does, and his answer is that he doesn't want to stop playing (which is why I tried taking away the toys, so he has nothing to play with to distract him from listening to his body). Now with the baby here, it has become a health concern. He will poop his pants and not tell anyone, so he will go around for hours at a time with poop sitting in his underwear, until it dries up and falls out, down his pants, and onto the carpet. So everytime he has an accident, I need to vacuum and mop the ENTIRE HOUSE. Once the baby starts crawling, this will be a health hazard so this really needs to stop now. I tried reward charts, where if he doesn't have a poop accident in a given amount of time he will get a reward of some sort. I have tried a poop schedule, where I tell him to go to the bathroom multiple times a day. But all of them seem to only work for a short period of time. I cant really tell him to go to the bathroom multiple times a day anymore because I am stretched on time so thin as it is, and with school it doesn't work. I don't know what else to do. Also, recently he added in pee accidents as well. So it seems as if the problem is getting worse rather than getting better. He is almost 8...in less than a month. How can he still be doing this??? I know this is TMI and off topic but Im at a loss. My friends who I have reached out to all seem to have unrealistic ideas....like ground him for 3 months. I cant ruin the kids childhood, and I don't want him to look back at his younger years and hate me! I am going to call the pedi tomorrow morning and have a consultation with her this week hopefully, but I really don't know what she can possibly tell me that I haven't tried.
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  #2  
May 27th, 2013, 08:13 PM
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This sounds very psychological based and I'm not sure if the pedi will be able to do anything for you other than refer you to a child psychologist. It could be as simple as he saw something on TV or a friend said something that made him too shy to go to the bathroom or have trouble with pooping in a toilet. Or it could be something much deeper that will take some working through to correct, maybe he's gotten less attention from you and DH because of work or something? I highly doubt it is just because he doesn't want to stop playing (especially if you've tried taking away toys). I wish I could give you some options to try out on him but honestly the best bet is to get him to see a counselor because there is something else going on that makes him do this. I hope you can get some answers soon hun, keep us posted.
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  #3  
May 27th, 2013, 08:38 PM
SaraSmiles's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am thinking he may need some counceling as well. I even asked him if there is something he is afraid of in the bathroom (I don't know, when I was little I used to think there was always a monster laying in the tub that will pop out at me lol) or god forbid something happened to him in the bathroom that I am unaware of. The accidents always stop for awhile after I punish him...then return after the punishment ends. Like I will take his toys away , and he will use the bathroom during that time, but then once I give them back he will do it again within a few days or so. I actually just researched on the computer and found something called Encopresis that sounds a lot like what I have been dealing with here. Its basically stool holding, where the child holds in his stool to the point where his nerves and muscles in his rectum can no longer alert him when he has to go, or hold it in when he is not near a toilet, so he really has no warning and it just comes out. I might mention that to the pedi and see what she says. I hope I get a diagnosis or at least some sort of a game plan to stop this!
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  #4  
May 28th, 2013, 06:47 AM
Sawyers_Mommy's Avatar Cautiously Expecting #2!
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I don't know the situation and it's no of my business but I remember before you said you were their step mommy. Maybe it has something to do with that situation?

I have no other words of advice but I hope you find answers soon! I know how frustrating it is to have something going on with your LO and not knowing what it is :hugs:
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  #5  
May 28th, 2013, 07:13 AM
mal91011's Avatar Mommy to Maxwell
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LilHerndon View Post
This sounds very psychological based and I'm not sure if the pedi will be able to do anything for you other than refer you to a child psychologist. It could be as simple as he saw something on TV or a friend said something that made him too shy to go to the bathroom or have trouble with pooping in a toilet. Or it could be something much deeper that will take some working through to correct, maybe he's gotten less attention from you and DH because of work or something? I highly doubt it is just because he doesn't want to stop playing (especially if you've tried taking away toys). I wish I could give you some options to try out on him but honestly the best bet is to get him to see a counselor because there is something else going on that makes him do this. I hope you can get some answers soon hun, keep us posted.
This. When i was in middle school and high school i babysat for a family and the little boy had this problem. It was caused by emotional issues from a few different factors, including his parents divorce when he was about 4. He acted out in a few different ways, but the biggest way he acted out was by not taking the time to go to the bathroom. He ended up going to therapy and it worked - he's now a well adjusted 20 something.

Good luck! I remember how frustrating it was.
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  #6  
May 28th, 2013, 01:17 PM
kbpeanut's Avatar Scooter!
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Oh how frustrating for you. I am with the others in that its probably psychological but stool holding is a very real thing. The daughter of some friends of ours struggled with this when she was younger. They worked with her ped and school and I think they worked it out. I really hope your ped can give you some direction!
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