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  #41  
August 9th, 2012, 02:31 PM
colette20's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Well, I had a kitten fall into my lap... I was nervous. I was ready to foster him and find a good home.. However Elvis has other plans. He has taken to this little guy (who has been dubbed "Sheldon") and is thrilled with the new addition!! He loves him already.

I am shocked, its been less than 24 hours and they are snoozing next to each other.. Its insane.

Just had to update some good news
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  #42  
August 9th, 2012, 07:32 PM
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That is awesome!!!!
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  #43  
August 10th, 2012, 08:43 PM
colette20's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I have tried to reduce stress this week, by simply not dealing with it. However I did breakdown and have it out with the ex. He got his renters rebate and spent it immedietly. What's wrong with that you ask?? Ummmm HE DIDN'T PAY ANY RENT!!! He didnt pay a dime of rent and got a rebate back and spent it on himself. I really was hurt by that... How do you do that?? Take money that isnt yours, and not care? I am struggling to pay bills and try to prepare for this baby, and he spent what I feel was my money . He insisted I owed to him because occasionally I borrowed $20 here and there (99% of the time for gas i needed until payday).

I told him I had enough, he was living off the sweat of a pregnant lady and not contributing what he should (He never cleans, or anything to help balance things) and he should feel ashamed. He called a retard (WHich sent me flying off the handle, I hate that word!!!!!) for not seeing what he does around the house (which is next to nothing), and basically turned it around on me. I told him I couldnt handle it anymore, and he HAD to leave.

The plan was for him to move out tomorrow but his dad is in the hospital now with heart issues . I feel awful for his dad, He is a very sweet and giving guy, and doesnt deserve to be sick like this. So now were in limbo, which is fine, because I just want his dad to be ok....

So we'll see...


In happier news Elvis is so in love with the new little kitten. It was kind of a shock.. I expected to rehome the kitten, because I had just lost my two babies and didnt want to introduce a new cat to Elvis so soon. But Elvis has taken to the little guy. I used to foster a lot and introducing cats in a long process. These two were comfortable with each other right away. Its only been 48 hours and they are eating together, snuggling together and playing together. Elvis just loves having another kitty here. I am so happy for him. Elvis definitely adopted this little guy.





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  #44  
August 12th, 2012, 03:43 PM
Lyndsey2013's Avatar Mom to 2 + 3
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If his dad being in the hospital is his excuse, I would ask him what he thinks is a reasonable time to be out by. Anything more than a week is too forgiving if you ask me. Who knows how long his dad might be in the hospital, or what reason next he will give you to continue mooching off you. Set a final date for him to be out by and stick to your guns. It sounds like he has already overstayed his welcome, and you don't deserve to have to keep dealing with him.

I wish you all the strength in the world while you are dealing with this. I agree sometimes it is easier to not stress out by just not dealing with things, but eventually they will need to be dealt with somehow, and waiting often makes things worse (but not always). Take care of you and baby first!
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  #45  
August 12th, 2012, 05:58 PM
missadie222's Avatar Go Your Own Way mama2b
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I agree with above! Get a date, IN STONE. Tell him no matter what, short of HIM being in the hospital on his own death bed, he WILL BE OUT by then.

Oh my gosh it makes me happy to see your Elvis stoked on the new kitten! He was in the right time for needing it alright! You can tell he is so happy to have a new companion.
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  #46  
August 13th, 2012, 11:54 AM
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WOW! I'm back, and had a lot of catching up to do! I will make this short, but in sum....

Ex - make him go. Dad or not, get a date, like the others said, and he's OUT. If he isn't by that date, it will be because he made another excuse. You deserve better!

Tom - stay friends, nothing more.

Kitties - I am so very sorry. I knew it was coming when you posted before, but I'm very sorry for your losses. One is hard enough, but two? I know that once one of my 2 remaining (we lost our Molly 3 months ago), is gone, the other won't be far behind. However, I am so happy for Elvis and his new chum Sheldon! That is wonderful!

Hang in there hon...remember, we are here for whatever you need!
x
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  #47  
August 15th, 2012, 08:12 PM
colette20's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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So the ex has begun packing, and swears saturday is moving day. I am uncomfortable with his dad helping so much, as a nurse I don't take anything with the heart lightly ever... So hopefully things go smoothly.

I cannot move in with parents, I think I would go legally inside a week with my mom acting the way she is lately. She is once again over stepping boundaries, and feel like she's taking over this pregnancy again. So I once again had to talk with her about my feelings and boundaries, and she gets so offended. I appreciate her help more than anything and make sure I say this OFTEN, but she is just easilt offended.

Tom was looking for a roommate and offered to move into the extra bedroom to help with bills, and to help with things around the house I can no longer do. Well, he thought he would move into to my room at first (ha!) and we had a loooooong talk about the fact that I cannot even fathom working on a relationship now, especially with what happened. He agreed that moving into the extra room, and helping with baby stuff exclusively would be fine. With the strong possibility he is the father, he just wants to make sure I can have an easier pregnancy than I have been having, and we get this baby to term, happy and healthy.

This isn't ideal, but having help with bills and household chores is what I really need right now, and this is the best solution I have at this time, So I am making my peace with it, and am just glad the ex is moving out.

In the midst of all this, my uncle is losing his battle with cancer... he isnt expected to make it more than a week, and the family is preparing for his journey home. I was able to go and spend some time with him and my family yesterday, which I was grateful for. My sister and I had the greatest experience. I had "felt" my grandma in the room, but didnt say anything to anyone, so they didnt think I was nuts. When my sister and I were alone with him, we very clearly heard someone sit on the window seat that has a god awful plastic cover on it that has a tell tale crinkle sound, we turned to see no one there, and looked at each other. We both smiled and said "Grandma" at the same time... It was a very peaceful moment to feel her with us...

Thats my little update, sorry its so short. I am not feeling so hot this week, and my energy is at an all time low

Have a good week ladies
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  #48  
August 15th, 2012, 08:26 PM
Lyndsey2013's Avatar Mom to 2 + 3
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I think you have made a good situation considering all you have going on. Have you thought about what might happen / how you would feel if Tom brought another woman home since you are denying him a relationship? I hope that doesn't happen, but I wonder if you two have talked about anything like that. As the baby's likely father, I think you are doing the right thing letting him be a part of your life. Good luck with all the moves
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  #49  
August 16th, 2012, 06:16 AM
colette20's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I have told him "The rules" of the house. This included a section on no hoes in the house. He laughed when I said it, and I glared at him. "Oh you're serious?" He was stunned, he said he'd never think of it, but didnt think it had to be said out loud. I told him I just wanted to be clear about everything going into this.

He has made it clear that he feel this is my place, and he is merely renting a room, and he wants to get to a good place for this baby. He is obviously hoping I come around and forgive him and we become a "family", but I have told him all I want, and my goal is to be in a good place to co-parent.

So we will see how it all goes.

In happier news I got a package of fluffy mail yesterday!! I ordered some cloth diapers and they finally came They are so darn cute.
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  #50  
August 25th, 2012, 09:26 AM
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Ok, so Ive been gone a week, and what a frigging week it has been. My uncle passed away on the 16th, the day before my Grandma died 17 years ago.

On the 18th, Ex moved out. I couldn't be home for that, so I was gone all day shopping and preparing for the funeral. When the ex came back to return his key, we cried. As terrible as we were as a couple and the struggles we had with living together, we've been best friends since high school. The moment of realizing our best friend would be be out of each of our lives was hard on both of us.

Tom, decided he was moving in sunday, I was terribly overwhelmed with all the changes, and all the stress Ive had, and he hadnt warned me he was planning on moving in THAT soon. So we fought because he felt I was over reacting. He ended up just bringing over clothes and essentials to allow me time to adjust. I was still unhappy with his presence in my house, as I had hoped to have a little bit of time to myself. He was still unhappy that was having him move into the extra bedroom, and said he wasnted us to try and be together. I had to once again tell him I wasnt trying to be in a relationship and if he couldnt handle being a roommate, he wouldnt be allowed in.

Monday we had my uncles wake, and buried him on tuesday across from my grandmother. Tuesday before I left for the 2 hour drive to the town theyre buried in, Tom decided to pick a fight. He was upset how I was making HIM feel, and whined about how I was acting. I of course FLIPPED the *** out, because I have been dealing with him, the ex and my mom making everything about them. I told him I was done, I was taking back my pregnancy, I am DONE caring about everyone else, My son comes first, and Im done playing these games. I screamed, "Im going to go BURY my uncle, have fun with your pity party!!" Slammed the door and left.

During all this, my ex had been texting me, and as much as he drove me nuts, he knows me. He gets me, and has been there for the past 15 years. He let me vent, knew what to say to make me feel better and was helping me through the hard week I had been having.

This brings us to wednesday. I came home from work, felt an aura coming in and went into a seizure. I dont have "true" seizures, I have had issues with "pseudo" seizures since high school. EEG's show an abnormality in the left side of my brain, but cannot diagnose it. Seizures are spuratic and are often months or years apart, so I am on no meds for it. Tom let me seize for A HALF AN HOUR before he called for help. Seriously?? My baby couldve been deprived of oxygen or something!! Who does that??

So my mom decided to call the ex wednesday and yelled at him for being lazy and not helping me and thats why I kicked him out blah blah blah. So THEN my goofy mother decided to take in on herself to "get him out of my life because I dont need him"and tld the ex I had been seeing Tom for over a year. A complete lie. My mother told my ex I was a **** cheater to try and "save me the headache of dealing with the ex". My OWN MOTHER put my character into question for her own agenda.

So there I am, in the hospital, bruised all over from blown veins, recovering from a seizure, when I get these texts from the ex saying to lose his number and to never call again and my mother tells me what she did. I had a massive panic attack. I told her she had no idea what was going on and had no right to do what she did, that as much as he was a headache, I still cared for him, loved him, and had been talking to him, and he was my only sane outlet.... She yells at ME for not telling her all this, and its my fault for not being open.

I go home to recover from this, and spent the day in bed, bawling. I was just so overwhelmed with how everyone has been acting and how everyone has been screwing up my life.

I spent thursday arguing with work, about paperwork that mysteriously went missing. They tell me too that I NEED to attend the CPR training the next day.

The bright spot was thursday afternoon, my anatomy scan. I got to see little man moving and shaking, and he looks great. My mom of course chatted the whole time, and drove me nuts. On the ride home, the subject of the ex comes up and she blew up saying it was my fault for not being open and she can say what she wants to to whoever she wants. We fought like the dickens the whole way home.

I couldnt sleep thursday night. I texted the ex, and told him my dad was willing to pay the $1600 for the blood (no amnio needed) paternity test, so we could at least out that issue to rest (the u/s revealed baby boy is bigger than we thought, and the ex is likely the dad) and we chatted til 3am. He is still upset and doesnt know what to believe (which I get, my mother really screwed the pooch for me) but I am so glad he is at least willing to talk to me now.

Friday. Oh friday. I got up, went to work, threw up in the car on the highway on the way to work, and sat through the CPR class. Afterwards I am called into the office. I see my name is off the board, and another name is written next to the name of my patients. I immediately knew what they called me in for. They said some paperwork was missing (Which I turned in, a week before) and that could be seen as medicare fraud!!!!!!!! I KNOW i turned the paperwork in, and I know its there.... but as some of you know, Ive felt like they were unhappy with me being out so much, and with my limitations changing with the pregnancy , and I felt they were looking for a way to get rid of me.

So they did it. They fired me. Every aspect of my life has officially gone to pot.

I feel like my life is a soap opera. Who the heck has THIS much thrown at them at once?? I feel like it cant be real, and Im going to wake up from this nightmare soon....


So that was my week.

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Last edited by colette20; August 25th, 2012 at 09:39 AM.
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  #51  
August 25th, 2012, 04:19 PM
Lyndsey2013's Avatar Mom to 2 + 3
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Yikes. It sounds like a lot to deal with definitely! Are you sure you turned in the paperwork? Can you file an 'unlawful termination' claim against the company?
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  #52  
August 25th, 2012, 05:40 PM
colette20's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am 100% sure I turned it in. Minnesota is an at will state, so you can be fired for no reason if they so desire...
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  #53  
August 27th, 2012, 08:50 AM
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Oh my goodness. I'm sorry you are having to deal with so much right now hon.
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  #54  
August 27th, 2012, 01:32 PM
missadie222's Avatar Go Your Own Way mama2b
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HOly HELL!!!!!!!!!

Can you get unemployment? How unfair and crazy! What are you planning on doing? Are you secretly glad you will have some time without work? (I would be....)

Are you gonna take up your dad on the offer or wait til babe is born?

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this all. I am glad however that the bright spot in your week was seeing your sweet baby boy moving around in you!

Best wishes and care-
Adrienne
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  #55  
August 28th, 2012, 07:52 AM
colette20's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I hope to get unemployment, not sure how Ill survive without it.

It feels nice to have the stress of day to day work gone, as hospice is physically and emotionally draining. I am not happy to be without income, but at least stress went down a tiny notch.

I know my dad is struggling right now, and I hate to take money from him, I fully intend on paying him back over time, but it still hurts me that I can't pay for the test myself. It hurts that my dad has to step in because of the circumstance and that he is the only real man I seem to have in my life.

The ex is worried too, even if the baby isnt his, he hates money being taken out of my pocket to do this. He has agreed to the test, and we will likely do it sometime after the 5th.

I think knowing who the dad is will help a bit. You'd think it would be a BIG relief, but it really wont. I know either option is one I dont want. The ex needs to work, needs to help us. He is a VERY intelligent man, he's simply lazy. He could easliy go back to school and get a degree in accounting or something (he is amazing with numbers) and have a non physical job (Dont think Ive mentioned before but he has several health issues that keep him from standing for long periods of time) and help us. Its frustrating, because he is so smart and isnt doing anything in life with that. But at the heart of it all, if money wasnt a big issue, I'd be happy with him. Money was the root of all our issues. We get each other in ways others dont, and I miss him. He could always make me feel better when no one else could. And I see him with his nieces and he is so good with them. I know he'd be a great dad.

Tom has the financial end down, has his degree, and can provide for me and the baby. But that isnt enough. Now that he's here all the time he agrivates me more than the ex ever did, just in different ways. There are times I cant stand being here just because he's here. I know he can provide for us, and will be a good dad too, but I think we'd crash over parenting issues a lot, he was raised much differently than me, and I know we won't agree on anything.

So honestly, I have no idea who to even hope for to be dad. Im not in a good place either way, for different reasons.

Tom has said he wants to be around if the baby is his or not, which is noble. I dont down play that, but honestly if the baby isnt his, I dont see him in my life.

The ex only wants to be around (even as a friend) if the baby is his. And I understand that too on some level, but wish he wouldnt care. I miss my best friend.

I guess all I can do is wait and see.
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  #56  
August 28th, 2012, 08:25 AM
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I hope you are able to get unemployment...that will help ease some of the stress for you right now, at least. I totally see your point about the 2 "dads". Seems like if you took the best parts of each and melded them together, you'd have a pretty great guy!

Best of luck...x
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  #57  
August 29th, 2012, 06:06 PM
missadie222's Avatar Go Your Own Way mama2b
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Sounds like in the middle of a crazy situation you still have your head on straight. I'm so glad you can tell that neither man is the answer to your problem, but that it WILL be nice to know who the baby's daddy is for other reasons. I think there is a good strong man out there that you will find in your future, but it may not be til you have a one or two or three year old!

You have so much to deal with in the upcoming months, I think it is very wise to not get in too deep with any guy right now. Best wishes to you.
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  #58  
September 4th, 2012, 12:08 AM
colette20's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I havent been around lately.... lurking but not posting. I just feel so out of it I guess... Ive waited so long for this baby, its hard not being able to enjoy it the way the rest of you do.

My shower invites will be going out next weekend, and honestly, I am not excited or anything about registering. I have been looking at things I'd like, but Im just not excited.

I also know I am probably going to go and register alone, and that will spark an argument with my mom. I know she wants to go and be a part of the "fun". But I am so exhausted lately, I cant fake fun anymore, or feign happiness. I just have nothing left in me. All my energies are into keeping little man healthy and my health right now. Im emotionally drained and physically exhausted, and want to trudge through target alone scanning things.

I still hope my mother will see I am drained, and need to do things the way I need to do them, but so far nothing. I was accused of "hijacking" my pregnancy once again, and that ticks me off. This IS my pregnancy, I dont need to hijack it, because its MINE.

So anyway, Im lurking about. Just not posting much these days... I feel like I whine too much already.
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  #59  
September 4th, 2012, 09:38 AM
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Aww, hon, I'm sorry you are feeling so blue. I think you need to do whatever YOU need to do right now...and if that means registering by yourself, then DO it. No matter what argument might ensue.

I hope perhaps that will spark a little excitement for you! x
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  #60  
September 17th, 2012, 02:06 PM
colette20's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Checking in. I have been in and out of the hospital. Just got home from an overnight actually. I couldnt keep my o2 stats up, and my while blood count was iffy... so I got to stay all night... blah.

I had the pleasure of a nasogastric tube, to get some nutrition to the baby, and a magnesium bag to stop stop some contractions.

Emotionally I am just exhausted. I try so hard to just focus on getting him to term... but its been a hard road... Im just fried.

But I wanted to check in... Im still kicking...
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