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no dh did not know he had chlamydia actually when I told him I had it he freaked out and was going to leave me. He thought I had cheated on him i asked him how i would do that since we only have one car he said i must be inviting a guy over. He then remembered his one night stand after i swore up and down i had never cheated on him
i thought of more
my mom is an alcoholic and is in total denial. Shes been drinking since she was 3. I remember when i was little she would get drunk at a friends house then we would all drive the 20 min drive home. Me and my brother would fight over who had to sit up front and make sure she didn't run off the road. I hate her when shes drunk. Shes two completely different people. Dh has only gotten drunk a few times since i met him but i still get annoyed when he has just one beer. He doesn't understand how much i hate alcohol. My worst fear is that my mom will die soon from liver failure from all the drinking she does.
i started masturbating when i was 8 and thought that it was killing me lol. I remember asking my mom if i can get pregnant that way. I seriously thought doing it wasn't good for me and kept telling myself this was the last time but could never stop.
i hope more people confess
NEW CONFESSION, DIFFERENT PERSON THAN ABOVE i have dreams about other guys alot! i love my DH to no end and hes the best thing ever.but sometimes i have a dream about another guy and i but i never see his face!
i told DH because it only happens when we fight before bed and ever since i havent dreamt about another guy
sometimes i wish my life wasnt the life i have. i love my baby to no end but sometimes i wish i would have followed my dream.
My last boyfriend (the one before SO) and I broke up because I cheated on him with a married man. The guy that I cheated with was an ex-bf of mine that married one of my high school friends. They got married because he got her pregnant, but he dated both of us behind each others' backs for a long time. I continued to hook up with him and talk to him on and off through their engagement, after the birth of their baby and even after they were married. We lost touch for a long time and about 4 years ago, I thought I was over him enough for us to be friends, so we started to talk again. After several weeks, one thing led to another and we wound up going out, gettind drunk and sleeping together. My best friend was the only one who knew and she wound up getting drunk a few weeks later and spilling the secret. The guy and I denied it until we were blue in the face and his wife never found out. She and I became friends again about a year ago and although I feel guilty for what happened, I'm really glad we are friends again.
I cheated on SO about a month after we started dating. There was an ex-bf of mine who I never really got over. He had broken my heart about 7 years ago and I very rarely saw him after that. We ran into him when we were out one night and my heart literally skipped a beat. SO and I had only been together a month and while I really liked him, he often said there was no "spark" between us, so I wasn't completely happy with the relationship. My ex invited me to go out with his family for his sister's birthday and when I got there, his sister's told me he was still in love with me and wanted to try "us" again. I was so thrilled, happy, excited and basically just shocked. We had a great time that night dancing, talking, catching up and hanging out. I loved the feeling of being around him and his family again (I was always close to his sisters). That night, we slept together. For about a week after, I debated about whether I should break up with DH at the time and start seeing my ex again. After seeing my ex a few times, I realized nothing had changed, I got the closure I needed with him and decided to stay with SO. Although SO knew that my ex had come back into my life and wanted to get back together, I never told him that we slept together. Even now over 3 years later, I have dreams about it and feel guilty.
Wow that would be incredibly hard to go through. I hate those stupid elephants in the room, things that seem to never just go away. Have you tried talking to him about letting it go? Its really poisonous to a relationship to hang onto things from the past...believe me I know!
BTW this was post #20
so im really mean to my DH i am an incredible mean and inconsiderate person....i always yell at him and belittle him. i feel so bad for the things i do to him i love him though and i dont know why i do these things i have the worse mood swings in the world im just a real b**chy person! im trying so hard not to be that way anymore
*New person here*
Sometimes I worry that I have a serious mental illness. I've thought about suicide in the last month or so. Sometimes I think I may be a little retarded even though I have a high IQ. Maybe autistic or just paranoid. I wasn't honest with my doctor when we talked about post partum. I told him I only cry alot and it was not a big deal. I was really thinking about killing myself and sometimes I had fears that I would kill my kid. Whenever I see news stories about mom's killing their babies, I worry that that could have been me. I worry about lashing out at my kid and someday abusing him mentally or physically. I know I never would, but I don't know for sure.
*New person here*
Sometimes I worry that I have a serious mental illness. I've thought about suicide in the last month or so. Sometimes I think I may be a little retarded even though I have a high IQ. Maybe autistic or just paranoid. I wasn't honest with my doctor when we talked about post partum. I told him I only cry alot and it was not a big deal. I was really thinking about killing myself and sometimes I had fears that I would kill my kid. Whenever I see news stories about mom's killing their babies, I worry that that could have been me. I worry about lashing out at my kid and someday abusing him mentally or physically. I know I never would, but I don't know for sure.[/b]
dont be afraid to ask for help. I too was afraid when I first asked my dr. about antidepressants. I thought they would think I am crazy. But A LOT of people take medication. Therapy is very worthwhile too. I learned a lot about myself when i saw a therapist.
Remember you are a wonderful person and you have a wonderful child, there is a whole lot of people out there who know what you are going thru. Just ask for help.
Quote:
okay me again the one who dreams about other men
so im really mean to my DH i am an incredible mean and inconsiderate person....i always yell at him and belittle him. i feel so bad for the things i do to him i love him though and i dont know why i do these things i have the worse mood swings in the world im just a real b**chy person! im trying so hard not to be that way anymore[/b]
I'm going to start sounding like a broken record here but....
I too was a major witch to my husband. I am tired and frustrated and overwhelmed and take everything out on him. And I know its not fair but I cant help it.
Until I started taking antidepressants. They mellow me out just enough so I can think rationally. I am a much much better person, wife, mother etc. because of them.
1. I too have felt sometimes that I am crazy. I am really paranoid, scared of so many things. I can't even walk outside alone after dark, and even during daylight I don't trust anyone around me unless I'm in a store or somewhere with lots of people who could help. If I'm driving on a dark back road at night, and a car comes up behind me, I get myself all worked up into thinking they're following me. When I turn and they keep going straight, I let out a HUGE breath.
2. I can't watch scarey movies or any news/documentaries about murders, I can't read any scarey novels, which I used to love, because I am too paranoid and always think "what if that happened to me?" and I go into a panick, I start sweating, and breathing heavy.
3. Sometimes I wonder if people think my child is ugly. It makes me sad because I most definitely do not think that, but of course I don't because it's my child. Sometimes when I post pictures I feel like people are just saying my child is cute to be nice.
4. Sometimes I wish I had the willpower to become anorexic or bulemic. I KNOW it's not a healthy thought, but I hate being fat and I want my old body back. I've even tried to make myself throw up once, it was awful and I only got a little bit up. I feel like life would be so much better if I was pretty. I feel like my SO is good looking and sometimes wonders how he got stuck with someone who "let herself go".
5. I sometimes really regret not BF'ing. I would never admit it without being anonymous, I never have even said it before to anyone besides a good friend and my SO.
So there are some to start with, I'm sure I'll think of more.
I am guilty of this too, I've been better about it lately, but there was a time when I did this more. I give him attitude for no reason too, then sometimes laying in bed at night, I get all upset about it, and I feel awful because he is a really great guy and goes out of his way for us.
Quote:
okay me again the one who dreams about other men
so im really mean to my DH i am an incredible mean and inconsiderate person....i always yell at him and belittle him. i feel so bad for the things i do to him i love him though and i dont know why i do these things i have the worse mood swings in the world im just a real b**chy person! im trying so hard not to be that way anymore[/b]
I have responses to the rest of you too---but I'll add them later because I don't want to have a two page long post LOL.
Quote:
okay me again the one who dreams about other men
so im really mean to my DH i am an incredible mean and inconsiderate person....i always yell at him and belittle him. i feel so bad for the things i do to him i love him though and i dont know why i do these things i have the worse mood swings in the world im just a real b**chy person! im trying so hard not to be that way anymore[/b]
I know how you feel. I used to do the same thing to my now dh when we were dating and engaged. Is he clingy or overly loving to you, anything like that? That was my problem. He irritated me with his clingyness, and so I treated him like crap. I made fun of him, put him down, etc. Then once he stopped being so clingy(he was clingy because of things I had done, so it was my fault to begin with)---I started treating him better.
Then recently, ---I started being very rude and irritable for no reason. No matter what dh did, it wasn't good enough. I finally admitted to myself that I had postpartum that had turned into depression(my family is VERY "Get over it yourself" type attitude, so I had trouble asking for help). I got on antidepresents and I'm back to my old self---like Cindymat said. Maybe you should ask your doc about them?
Quote:
*New person here*
Sometimes I worry that I have a serious mental illness. I've thought about suicide in the last month or so. Sometimes I think I may be a little retarded even though I have a high IQ. Maybe autistic or just paranoid. I wasn't honest with my doctor when we talked about post partum. I told him I only cry alot and it was not a big deal. I was really thinking about killing myself and sometimes I had fears that I would kill my kid. Whenever I see news stories about mom's killing their babies, I worry that that could have been me. I worry about lashing out at my kid and someday abusing him mentally or physically. I know I never would, but I don't know for sure.[/b]
Maybe you have that extension of postpartum, I forget where it is called---but it's where your depression gets to a point where you think about harming yourself or your child. I'm really sorry that you feel this way. You really need to talk to your doctor about this. I know it is hard to confess something like that to your doctor, but they really can help you. I know you can't be happy in this condition--a doctor really could help you out a lot. If that is what you have--you're not going to get better until you ask for help, and I know you want to feel better inside---so please ask for help from someone.
Quote:
*New Person*
OK, here goes ::deep breath::
1. I too have felt sometimes that I am crazy. I am really paranoid, scared of so many things. I can't even walk outside alone after dark, and even during daylight I don't trust anyone around me unless I'm in a store or somewhere with lots of people who could help. If I'm driving on a dark back road at night, and a car comes up behind me, I get myself all worked up into thinking they're following me. When I turn and they keep going straight, I let out a HUGE breath.
2. I can't watch scarey movies or any news/documentaries about murders, I can't read any scarey novels, which I used to love, because I am too paranoid and always think "what if that happened to me?" and I go into a panick, I start sweating, and breathing heavy.
3. Sometimes I wonder if people think my child is ugly. It makes me sad because I most definitely do not think that, but of course I don't because it's my child. Sometimes when I post pictures I feel like people are just saying my child is cute to be nice.
4. Sometimes I wish I had the willpower to become anorexic or bulemic. I KNOW it's not a healthy thought, but I hate being fat and I want my old body back. I've even tried to make myself throw up once, it was awful and I only got a little bit up. I feel like life would be so much better if I was pretty. I feel like my SO is good looking and sometimes wonders how he got stuck with someone who "let herself go".
5. I sometimes really regret not BF'ing. I would never admit it without being anonymous, I never have even said it before to anyone besides a good friend and my SO.
So there are some to start with, I'm sure I'll think of more.[/b]
It doesn't sound like you are crazy to me. Actually, it sounds more like some sort of anxiety or panic attack disorder. I know it's hard to talk to your doctor about this, but if you do--they can give you something that will make it all go away and you will feel a ton better. It really will be worth it in the end.
I wonder the same thing about my daughter. I think she is the most beautiful thing in the world, but then that phrase "only a mother could love" makes me worry that I might be blinded. I think that is just a natural feeling, and most of us probably think about that. I have never seen a baby that wasn't adorable.
Don't beat yourself up about the BF thing. It's not something that can be changed and babies end up perfectly healthy no matter which route you take. My mom was given Carnation Instant Milk as a baby and she is a very healthy 61 year old who is every bit as intelligent as any breastfed kid.
Ok, the anorexia/bulemia thing. Trust me, you don't want to do it. I used to be anorexic, and that turned into bulemia when I started eating again. I 'chose' to become anorexic initially. I did lose a lot of weight, but let me tell you---eventually it ends. Your body reaches a plateau where you stop losing and your body begins to preserve every single thing you ingest, which just perpetuates the problem. And then when I eventually started eating again like a normal person, I gained back what I lost plus about 20 lbs and my metabolism is permanently damaged as a result of what I did. I can't eat near as much as I could before I was anorexic. Plus, it makes you feel sick. I had headaches and was dizzy all the time. As annoying as it is to here, learning to eat the healthy way really is the best way. Maybe you could join a weight loss support group or get some friends in on a friendly weight loss wager and help each other out.
Maybe you have that extension of postpartum, I forget where it is called---but it's where your depression gets to a point where you think about harming yourself or your child. I'm really sorry that you feel this way. You really need to talk to your doctor about this. I know it is hard to confess something like that to your doctor, but they really can help you. I know you can't be happy in this condition--a doctor really could help you out a lot. If that is what you have--you're not going to get better until you ask for help, and I know you want to feel better inside---so please ask for help from someone. [/b]
postpartum psychosis. it is BAD. you really need to seek help for that.
I agree, I just googled PPP and it is something that needs to be treated. ((HUGS)) to you, and please know that you CAN get help for it. Even though admitting that is going to be really hard, it's the best thing to do for everyone.
^ That's it and I agree. You really do need to seek help if you are having those feelings, because if that is what you have things might not end pretty. A lady that used to care for me when I was younger got PP Psychosis after she gave birth, and she ended up killing her infant. I'll just leave it at that. But please talk to someone about it! This isn't something that is your fault, it just happens --and if that is what you have, you are not going to pull through unless you get help. I know you want to feel happier, it's just a matter of telling someone. You love your child(ren) very much. Anyone that takes the time to come on parenting boards has to be a good mom. I know you don't want to hurt your child--but PPP doesn't care what you want. Please tell someone. We're all here for you.
^Agreed. We are not looking down on you in any way--we all really care for you and your little one and want things to end well. PPP isn't something to play around with, and it isn't your fault either. It just happens to some unfortunate people.
i had PPP with karin. luckily, i got help. but, there were many close calls. but, i was aware of my probability of developing PPP again, so i was on meds after the boys were born.
if you (or anyone else for that matter) want to talk, PM me. i can give you my number and i do not mind if you call anytime.
please please please do not take this lightly. PPD and PPP can be detrimental. many doctors are starting to think munchausen by proxy is form of PPD/PPP. it is where a parent fakes a serious illness in a child for attention.
ETA
if you do PM me, whatever is said stays between us. just think of me like vegas-what happenes in vegas, stays in vegas. hopefully, you will associate me with that slogan and not cross dressing hookers named dee licious.
My house is a disaster most of the time! We are really messy people, and I hate it, but I am really lazy. I'm not talking a few toys here and there, I'm talking pots left on the stove for a few DAYS, that we cooked with, garbage overflowing the trash can, our bedroom is piled up with dirty clothes on the floor, bathroom is a mess, garbage like wrappers and such get left on the counter for days at a time, spills on the stove or counters don't get wiped up, I would seriously be embarassed if anyone were to drop by.
I am a hypochondriach, I can't even perform a self exam on my breasts because I get skeeved out poking and pressing on them, I'm too afraid of what I'll find, though I did manage to do one a few weeks ago, only because I haven't gone for my yearly pap checkup yet, so I did one myself. Otherwise I rely on the Dr at the yearly checkup.
I have spent ALL day online, way before my child was born. I literally only got up to eat, drink and use the toilet. I was shocked to turn around from the computer to see darkness outside.
When my child was a newborn, sometimes I wish I'd never gotten pregnant. Especially when my child was up in the middle of the night and I just wanted sleep. I feel awful about it now and I love my child more than anything else in the world and have actually cried because I was so overwhelmed with love while watching baby sleep at night.
I have a huge problem with authority, I hate being under anyone else's direction, I hate when people seem like they know more than me, even if they do, and their knowledge or advice is valid, I get all defensive and stubborn.
I am uncomfortbale around new people, I don't make friends easily and sometimes even feel awkward at family gatherings, like they all make fun of me behind my back, or that they think I'm still the little kid and have no right giving my opinion or uinput on "adult" things. I often think about things I said for a long time afterwards, especially if I think what I said was stupid. I go through a list of things I could or should have said, and I am envious of people who a cool, calm and collected naturally.
^I remember being up in the middle of the night(well the whole night is a better description) and regretting having a baby briefly too. I love Elizabeth to death and I know you do your child too. It's just hard in the beginning. It's such a big change, and the exhaustion doesn't help your emotional health much.
My house is a disaster most of the time! We are really messy people, and I hate it, but I am really lazy. I'm not talking a few toys here and there, I'm talking pots left on the stove for a few DAYS, that we cooked with, garbage overflowing the trash can, our bedroom is piled up with dirty clothes on the floor, bathroom is a mess, garbage like wrappers and such get left on the counter for days at a time, spills on the stove or counters don't get wiped up, I would seriously be embarassed if anyone were to drop by.
I am a hypochondriach, I can't even perform a self exam on my breasts because I get skeeved out poking and pressing on them, I'm too afraid of what I'll find, though I did manage to do one a few weeks ago, only because I haven't gone for my yearly pap checkup yet, so I did one myself. Otherwise I rely on the Dr at the yearly checkup.
I have spent ALL day online, way before my child was born. I literally only got up to eat, drink and use the toilet. I was shocked to turn around from the computer to see darkness outside.
When my child was a newborn, sometimes I wish I'd never gotten pregnant. Especially when my child was up in the middle of the night and I just wanted sleep. I feel awful about it now and I love my child more than anything else in the world and have actually cried because I was so overwhelmed with love while watching baby sleep at night.
I have a huge problem with authority, I hate being under anyone else's direction, I hate when people seem like they know more than me, even if they do, and their knowledge or advice is valid, I get all defensive and stubborn.
I am uncomfortbale around new people, I don't make friends easily and sometimes even feel awkward at family gatherings, like they all make fun of me behind my back, or that they think I'm still the little kid and have no right giving my opinion or uinput on "adult" things. I often think about things I said for a long time afterwards, especially if I think what I said was stupid. I go through a list of things I could or should have said, and I am envious of people who a cool, calm and collected naturally.[/b]
your place sounds like mine Its almost always a disaster here. Luckily we have a dining area that is seperate from the puny kitchen/kitchenette so I can just put up a gate to block Cohen out, but its really nasty in there. I just try and keep all the mess our of his reach. Dont worry I am sure you are not the only one who has such a messy home. I cant keep our place decent for more than a few hrs.
__________________
Thank you Rawisner for the Siggy!
There are many times I think I regret having kids i think every mother feels like that sometimes.
I have also spent all day online only getting up to eat, pee and feed my kids (yes it was after i had more than one kid maybe I should be posting that as anonymous1 )
ETA - I also am a terrible house keeper. I wasn't gonna post it but Tanya did it is one of the only things my husband ######es at me about.
LOL I confess to the messy house too! I try my darndest to keep it clean, but dh and Elizabeth and our pets destroy it again within 5 minutes, very counterproductive. It's a worthless cause.
And I am also guilty of spending the day on the computer. In fact from the time I get up in the morning until way after bedtime. LIke right now...I'm on here and I should be studying for my test in the morning. Ugh, I'm gonna go do that now.
