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Thanks for asking for an update Cathy! I have been around just lurking for a looonnnggg time! Nothing has really changed since I found out I was pregnant! I am 17 weeks today, but I had a free ultrasound (I volunteered for it) today and was measuring 17 weeks 4 days!! So hopefully the baby is healthy and growing like a weed!! Paul still hasn't come around to the idea and says he doesn't want another child. He keeps telling me if it's my intent to have this baby we aren't welcome to live here anymore. So, I have all our stuff packed and ready to go. I have been finding any excuse to travel to Indiana where ALL my family is located just to be around them, without completely moving out. We/I haven't told anyone the news yet as our moms are friends and he doesn't want his mom to find out from mine. (This sounds like we are in grade school doesn't it!) I went home for Akella's birthday and we just got back from Thanksgiving. I was hoping that while we were gone for Thanksgiving he would come around and like us to stay, but instead he said he had fun partying with his friends and having no obligations or anyone to report to!?! First...I didn't know he HAD to report to me, Second...if that's the lifestyle he wants to lead then we will be better off without him. He doesn't speak to me in person anymore just sometimes over the phone and he usually ends up getting angry and hangs up. When he gets home from work he usually takes Akella into another room (where I'm not) and plays with her for an hour or so then heads to the gym and I feed her dinner and put her to bed. Yesterday he told me he has never once benefited in any way from me...so I guess he just made Akella on his own then, he thinks since she looks like him I was just the oven she baked in. (Well we both have blonde hair and blue eyes like her, but for some reason he thinks she just gets EVERYTHING from him!! He is very self centered.) I told him if he thought that way we would both be better off without each other. I feel so helpless and determined at the same time. I want to move back to Indiana but I have no job, no place to live, and no money (since he works and I'm a SAHM). I know I will be able to stay with my mom until I find a place, but I'm 24 years old with a baby and one on the way. I am also so determined to get a good job, nice place to live and be so happy and in 10 years see how far his bachelor lifestyle has gotten him!! While I'll be filled with love and 2 kiddos to show for it, he will be filled with memories of partying nights and having nothing to look forward to! I feel like I am the only person that is excited about my pregnancy and I know it shouldn't be that way. I am envious of those whose husbands rub thier bellies, or heck even know when they are due...maybe even a hi/hello would be nice everyonce in a while! I am so over it and ready to move on, if he wants to live like he is a kid again (he's almost 29) then thats fine I just want a way out!! Sorry this update turned into a vent...mainly the reason I haven't been posting, everything I think of reminds me of how much happier I would be without him.
On the other hand...Akella is doing well!! She is almost 14 months (Dec 1st). At her 1 yr appt she weighed 19 lbs 3 oz. She finally has 8 teeth, we are still cloth diapering and love it! I love this age, every little thing she does melts my heart and makes me want to squeeze her until her eyeballs pop out...(not really of course!!) She is finally growing hair too!!
I mentioned earlier that I had an ultrasound today and I was SOOOOOO excited for it!! I saw online that the pregnancy center about an hour away was just donated an ultrasound machine so they needed ladies who were 6-20 weeks pregnant to volunteer so they could practice before they start using it on 'real' patients. So I made an appt yesterday morning hoping they had one open then and of course they didn't, so I made it for first thing today and I couldn't hardly wait to get there I want to know what this baby is so badly!! I have a feeling boy, but I want it verified!! So I get there and waited for 45 minutes before they get me in ( Akella was with me) and then the receptionist came out and said they were ready and she would watch Akella for me so they could do thier measurements. So she watched her just outside the doorway where I could still see her and I don't know who had more fun the lady or Akella!! They were chasing each other around, playing peek a boo and just having a ball!! I was disappointed that they didn't have a screen for me to watch at first then they explained that the 3 training nurses would do thier 'assignments' first then the trainer would turn the monitor toward me and show me everything!! So for almost an hour these ladies poked and prodded...laughed at its movements all while I could only watch Akella play!! Finally the trainer said it was my turn to see and turned the monitor toward me and showed me the head, face, spine, heart, arms, belly, legs and asked if I had any questions. I asked her if she could tell me what it was and she said the babies bottom was under my belly button and it is stretched out so she had no way to tell Akella was always balled up for her ultrasounds but this baby is head down and feet at the top of my uterus up by my ribs!! She couldn't get a profile picture of it either because of the way it was laying, but oh well...I got to see it and thats all that matters!! It's just so precious!!
Sorry for the rambling novel and thanks if you made it this far!!
Gosh, where have I've been. I had no idea that your SO was being such a pig headed self center piece of crap! And I am sorry I haven't been here to offer more support. I would love to spend more time rippin on that jerk, but he doesn't even deserve the energy it would take for me to type it! What a JERK!!!!!!
But let me say, I admire your strength. You have such great determination and do not deserve the treatment you are getting.
You are 100% right! You are going to be happy! And he can just wallow in his misery years for now. You deserve much better.
If you can get to your family in Indiana..do. I think that would be a great idea.
and for your piece of dog dunk SO, I think Akella looks more like you!
I had to read this twice because I just cannot believe what a complete and utter P. Rick your husband is being. He needs to wake up and smell the coffee or get heck out of your life. What a waste of space he is. I am so sorry.
It does sound like you are in good spirits and I think you should just tell your mom, screw his mom and then move back home to be around family. That's what you need right now.
My gosh I am so sorry Andrea!! I don't know how you are holding on..i hope you can figure out what to do to be away from him..it sounds like you need to be around family right now. Many many hugs to you! please keep us posted we are all here for you.
Its soo good to hear from you. Im sorry your going through all that with your dh..ugh, thats is just dispicalble behavior! I would definently tell your mom though who cares what his mom thinks. Just because he is selfish and unsupportive doesn't mean your other family members won't be thrilled.
Andrea, I had no idea you were going through this! You are so strong and I don't know how you're keeping it all together. Are you close with your family, your mom? You said you'd be able to stay with her, so please do! You are almost halfway into your pregnancy, there is just no need to be all alone in this, maybe at least your mom would be able to offer you support, it's not like Paul is being there for you!
If you can move with your family for a bit, I think it would be great. Maybe it will help you get back on your feet. Akella and you don't need such a jerk in your life! I mean, I hate that she won't have a full time father figure, but she also doesn't need such an a-hole in her life, and neither do you.
Julia - Mommy to 3 sweet kids Natasha - 6.5 Veronika - 5 and Sebastian - 17 months
It's good to hear from you, you've been MIA too long! I can't believe your DH hasn't come around yet At this point if he's being that much of a jerk still, I say just cut the strings and go. Do what you need to do to get yourself and Akella into a supportive, accepting environment while you're still physically able to move and get it done, before you're 3rd tri barely able to move around or have a newborn to think of. If he wants his mom to find out from anyone other than the grapevine he needs to tell her himself, it's his problem. Maybe if she has to find out from your mom she'll tweak his ear for being such a total JERK to the mom of her grandkids! Even if he does spend time with Akella, having a father figure she sees treating mom so poorly probably isn't a good influence.
That u/s had to be hard! I had one in Seattle similar, I didn't get to see and I was really upset. I still haven't gotten any good views of this baby, hands and feet but no profile and no gender confirmation only that it's not obviously a boy so everyone has guessed girl. Oh well at least it's something and getting to see they're okay in there and not sprouting extra limbs or missing major pieces is reassuring.
I am so sorry to hear your dh is acting like that. I must admit, you sound very strong and that is very admirable. I think you should go to Indiana and be around people who will care for you and support you.
big hugs and please stick around. we are always here for you to vent/talk/scream, etc etc.
Hey Andrea, thanks for the update!! was thinking about you the other day. I'm sorry that your husband is being such a horrible person. I know this must be really hard for you, but it sounds like you have a good support system and I hope that you can get everything worked out. *big hugs*
Baby "Elijah"-With us for a short time, with our heavenly Father now. Sept 25, 2009
Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that. I totally thought by now, Paul would have come around, Gosh he is being a big time dink...
April and the other offered some great advice. i would suggest going now while you're mobile...and maybe his mom hearing it from your mom is a good thing. I also think that you need your own family right now. Stay with your mom and everything WILL be okay....take care of yourself....
My god, I'm in tears right now after reading that! I had no idea you were going through all of this! It's so very sad and I'm so sorry for you. I'm glad you've been able to be near family lately, I hope you can soon make that a permanent thing. You NEED to have your family near you, they will enjoy this pregnancy with you once you tell them about it. I would, your husband doesn't give a crap about your feelings, why should you honor his? You need your mom and her support. It's hard as hell just going through a divorce, and it's hard to be pregnant on your own. You shouldn't have to go through them both alone, keeping it from everyone.
My thoughts and prayers are with you sweetie, I wish I could say something to make it better for you! ((((HUGS))))
I'm glad Akella's doing well and that your pregnancy is going smoothley. I hope you get another U/S soon to find out the gender.