[lovemyboysandabbey2]

I try and not complain too much about my kids, but I am really at my witts end with Tyler!!!!! he is soooooo out of control!!!!He is so wild and out of control!!!! I know his meds are ok, he just had a med-check. He is so naughty!! And nothing we do seems to work. He has had his TV taken away, his DS taken away, all video games, all the fun stuff. But yet he still insists on doing what he wants!!! He has been told numerous times no TV in the middle of the night, hence the fact he get HIS TV taken away. So this morning at 2:30am I wake up and Tyler is in the living room watching tv!!!! It's like he doesn't even care anymore!!He has been lying too, which REALLY pisses me off!!!! I won't even get into the other stuff he has been doing, it would take all day. I am so fed up I am in tears every night, I don't know what to do with him anymore!! His dad and I have actually talked about military school for this year, his dad's idea, but it is sounding better every day, I really have no clue what to do with him anymore!! The kid is so evil and nasty, and it's to the point where today, I don't even LIKE him..I know that sounds awful, but you have NO idea what he is doing to this household!!! I just can't take it anymore. I love him so much, he is my baby, but we can't keep going on like this!!!!




*update*
well Tyler's dad came to pick him up for the weekend, (it's his weekend) and we had a nice long talk. His dad and I are very good friends and he was even in our wedding this past weekend, so we can actually talk like adults!! lol
He is going to look up the military info this weekend and see what info he can find. We also have a whole new group of rules and punishments for Tyler at BOTH houses. I felt so bad for him, he was sitting on the couch all cuddled with his blankie listening to his dad and I talk to him, we never once yelled, and he had tears in his eyes, it killed me to watch him cry like that, but then I got to thinking, he does that all the time and within 5 minutes, he is back to being nasty again. I really hope that the new things we have figured out will help, and I also hope he is able to get some info on military school, I honestly think it's what he needs!! I just feel like such a bad mom for even THINKING about it ya know?? We'll see how everything works out I guess, he's my baby and I love him no matter what.

[babi_lovin11]

Oh Angie, I kno (somewhat) what you are going thou Shanes cousion is the same way.
Its like he needs ALL your attition which his mother cant give because she has 3 other boys!.
Maybe things will calm down when school starts again.
Or maybe you can put him in some activites after school like Karate, swimming, sports that kinda thing.
It might catch his intrest and tire him out when he comes home in the evenings lol

Oh Angie, I feel for you... You're a great mom, you hold your tongue a lot more than I am guessing you want to, where as I come vent to whomever I can, and end up complaining more than my fair share! Is Tyler your oldest? It sounds like he is pretty defiant already, and he is still young, no? Not a teen yet? I would say that considering military school is a POSITIVE idea at this point in time. My brother had a horrible drug problem in his early teens, and my parents tried everything to intervene and change his ways, but ended up sending him away to a military style drug camp up in Washington... Let me tell you, they really straightened my brother out, and good! He is now in his third year at Cal Maritime in the bay area of California, making excellent grades, has his head on straight, and he will be making very good money when his schooling is done. They taught him manners, respect, and dignity.

If you and Tyler's dad think that it might be in his best interest to send him off to military school, by all means, do so.
It isn't something to be ashamed of, and no one will look down on you for it. I certainly wont.

You do what you have to do for your child and your sanity.

for you ....
and if it makes you feel any better, Connor made me completely lose my cool earlier, and I am tempted to ship him away too!

[newmommy13]

i agree with activities to tire him out and give him some focus. since you can't take anything else away, have you tried looking for positive things and giving him rewards for those? it might be hard at first, just little things like saying please or thank you...but then it will get better and better as he wants more and more rewards. good luck!

[baby1577]

:hugs:

I'm sorry he's being so terrible angie. Honestly, some sort of military school thing might be whats best for everyone. I think he would appreciate you in the end for it. If he's like this now, I don't know how you will possibly handle him as a teenager!

i agree with activities to tire him out and give him some focus. since you can't take anything else away, have you tried looking for positive things and giving him rewards for those? it might be hard at first, just little things like saying please or thank you...but then it will get better and better as he wants more and more rewards. good luck![/b]

Wouldn't that be similar to bribary? I know for certain when my boys are old enough to understand, they will do as I say because I am their mother, and they should respect what I ask, I wont be paying them off to behave...
If a parent tells you to do something, you should do it, without expecting a form of payment, IMO. Life doesn't work that way.

It's the same thing with dogs. I know animals and children are two totally different things, but I refuse to treat train dogs. Why?
Because in most cases a dog will then only perform if their is a treat reward involved. They will defy if food is not provided once the action is performed. A child is not a dog, but a child thinks along those same lines... "Oh, if I do this, I will receive said reward." But in all honesty, why should we have to provide a reward to do something that they should be doing as is?

Just my take on things. Every situation is different, every child is different.
Angie knows her son better than anyone, I am sure she'll make the right decision for her and her family.

[babi_lovin11]

I personally wouldnt give a reward as such, But if Madison is gonna be a had child
And nothing works, like taking things away and such. I would Have a chart and everytime
she does something good she gets a sticker, this might grab there attition and get the kid
to so what you ask, like help cleaning there room and such. After they got so many stickers then
they would get some sort of reward, extra Tv time, ice cream and stuff like that.

My mom always said to us if we asked why we had to do something she said 'becasue im your mother and I said so'
I wont be saying that to Madison cuz it anything that just pissed me and I never did what she said. I was a hard kid, Shane
was to, so im gonna go by how we were just incase Madison will be like us lol *crosses finger I hope not!*

[My2miracles]

Angie,

I'm so sorry that you are having such a rough time. I know Tyler has been diagnosed with ADHD but do you think something else could be going on as well?

The reason I ask is that his behavior sounds a lot like my ex who is bipolar. The "I don't have to follow the rules" attitude in particular. I've done a lot of reading on bipolar in children since Lucy has a 30% chance of having it because of her father. Kid's who are biplar are often misdiagnosed as ADHD. A lot of the symptoms are the same.

Just something you might what to check out if you haven't already.

[lovemyboysandabbey2]

Angie,

I'm so sorry that you are having such a rough time. I know Tyler has been diagnosed with ADHD but do you think something else could be going on as well?

The reason I ask is that his behavior sounds a lot like my ex who is bipolar. The "I don't have to follow the rules" attitude in particular. I've done a lot of reading on bipolar in children since Lucy has a 30% chance of having it because of her father. Kid's who are biplar are often misdiagnosed as ADHD. A lot of the symptoms are the same.

Just something you might what to check out if you haven't already.[/b]

Ya know, I was just thinking that tonight when Mark goes to work and Dillie is in bed, I am going to get on line and look some stuff up. Thanks for the heads-up!!!! That is very helpful to know that!!!

Angie,

I'm so sorry that you are having such a rough time. I know Tyler has been diagnosed with ADHD but do you think something else could be going on as well?

The reason I ask is that his behavior sounds a lot like my ex who is bipolar. The "I don't have to follow the rules" attitude in particular. I've done a lot of reading on bipolar in children since Lucy has a 30% chance of having it because of her father. Kid's who are biplar are often misdiagnosed as ADHD. A lot of the symptoms are the same.

Just something you might what to check out if you haven't already.[/b]

Sorry to jump in here on Angie's thread, but do you have any links on bipolar disorder in children?
I would just like to do some reading up... My brother is diagnosed bipolar, and depression runs in both sides of our families as well...

[dani.]

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with Tyler. I would honestly talk to a professional before making such a big decision like sending him away to military school. I know that some of his behavoir may be tied in with ADD, but he still needs to respect you and your wishes. Would living with his dad make him feel better, maybe? Does your pediatrician give you any advice on how to deal with him? Do you think maybe he needs extra attention from you and maybe that's why he lashes out? Try taking him out one Saturday (or any day that works)...just you and him, make it special, and talk about your feelings. Tyler is old enough to understand a lot. I'm sure he would like it.

As for the rewards system, I think it's wonderful. It teaches our children how to treat people they way you want to be treated.

((HUGS)) I hope everything works out. I know you don't want to have to send your baby away!

[~~Kim~~]

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with Tyler. I would honestly talk to a professional before making such a big decision like sending him away to military school.[/b]

I agree. If his behavior can be attributed, in part, to his ADD, you cannot punish him for it. I'm opposed to sending children away. I was engaged to a guy who's parents had too much money and not enough time to be parents so they sent him to a military based boarding school and let me tell you, I don't think it helped him become a better man. I'd talk to his school counselor or pediatrician first. If he needs further help than what meds can do, you may need to get another type of assistance. You need to talk to someone like "Dr. Daddy" first. That's just MHO though.

[baby1577]

I agree. If his behavior can be attributed, in part, to his ADD, you cannot punish him for it. I'm opposed to sending children away. I was engaged to a guy who's parents had too much money and not enough time to be parents so they sent him to a military based boarding school and let me tell you, I don't think it helped him become a better man. I'd talk to his school counselor or pediatrician first. If he needs further help than what meds can do, you may need to get another type of assistance. You need to talk to someone like "Dr. Daddy" first. That's just MHO though.

[/b]

I guess I'm not really for sending him AWAY either. I guess what I was picturing in my head was more like a Super Nanny type intervention. I know there are programs around here that are more like after school, or for a few weeks. Just basically an attitude detox.

I think when it gets to a ceritan point (unmanagable) it's time for a little intervention.

I agree. If his behavior can be attributed, in part, to his ADD, you cannot punish him for it. I'm opposed to sending children away. I was engaged to a guy who's parents had too much money and not enough time to be parents so they sent him to a military based boarding school and let me tell you, I don't think it helped him become a better man.[/b]

That is not always the case ... Just because a child is sent to a military style school does not mean the parent is not a worthy parent, or has too much money, or not enough time ... My parents tried everything with my brother, and he was on the verge of killing himself with his drug addicition, and harming someone with his attitude problem (bipolar). He even pulled a gun on my father, I had to call the police on him. Believe me, calling the police on your own flesh and blood, and watching them throw him to the ground and cuff him, was heart breaking... I will never forget the way I felt that day. It was terrible for a 17 year old girl to have to do.

IMO, my brother needed the discipline and respect that that school taught him, and I give my parents props for finding that place, when they had tried everything they knew on their own, and got no where with him.

Angie's son is no where near that level, I was not comparing my brother to her son.
But I understand why she and Tyler's father were considering sending him to military school.

Ultimately, it is her decision, and I for one am sure not going to look down on her if that is the path that she so chooses...

[mommyand3]

Angie,

I work with these "type" of children. If you want, we could talk. You can call me anytime! I know of some things you could do with him but I don't know what you have tried so I don't want to type all day. LOL *I'm lazy*

Seriously though, email me or pm me and I'll give you my phone number.

[lovemyboysandabbey2]

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with Tyler. I would honestly talk to a professional before making such a big decision like sending him away to military school. I know that some of his behavoir may be tied in with ADD, but he still needs to respect you and your wishes. Would living with his dad make him feel better, maybe? Does your pediatrician give you any advice on how to deal with him? Do you think maybe he needs extra attention from you and maybe that's why he lashes out? Try taking him out one Saturday (or any day that works)...just you and him, make it special, and talk about your feelings. Tyler is old enough to understand a lot. I'm sure he would like it.

As for the rewards system, I think it's wonderful. It teaches our children how to treat people they way you want to be treated.

((HUGS)) I hope everything works out. I know you don't want to have to send your baby away![/b]

Living with his dad would only make it worse, he has only known his dad for a few years and his step-mother can not deal with him, so that is not an option. I do spend one on one time with him, as I do with all the boys, they each get their times with just mommy. I guess I wasn't looking it as sending him away, trust me, I have been in tears about this for weeks!!! This has been going on for a while now.

I agree. If his behavior can be attributed, in part, to his ADD, you cannot punish him for it. I'm opposed to sending children away. I was engaged to a guy who's parents had too much money and not enough time to be parents so they sent him to a military based boarding school and let me tell you, I don't think it helped him become a better man. I'd talk to his school counselor or pediatrician first. If he needs further help than what meds can do, you may need to get another type of assistance. You need to talk to someone like "Dr. Daddy" first. That's just MHO though.

[/b]

I'm not trying to punish him for being ADHD, I do try and keep that in mind when he does get out of control, I realize it isn't his fault, and I feel bad for him. And trust me, we don't have "too much money" but I am honestly at my wits end with him. He sees a ped, psychatrist, and psycologist, on meds, on special diets, so it's not like I have not tried, I just don't know what to do anymore. I do appreciate everyones opinions tho, they really do mean a lot....

[~~Kim~~]

That is not always the case ... Just because a child is sent to a military style school does not mean the parent is not a worthy parent, or has too much money, or not enough time ...
Ultimately, it is her decision, and I for one am sure not going to look down on her if that is the path that she so chooses...[/font][/b]

Whoa!! I was in no way indicating that is what I thought about Angie. I just don't think that military school will be the panacea she is hoping for. I'm not looking down on her either. I was giving my opinion and an experience that I had with someone who was basically raised in military school. It's like if someone posted something about being a stepmother or a working mom or being a brunette or whatever other info that I might have that may or may not be of any use to anyone all. That's the purpose of this forum, right?

[lovemyboysandabbey2]

Whoa!! I was in no way indicating that is what I thought about Angie. I just don't think that military school will be the panacea she is hoping for. I'm not looking down on her either. I was giving my opinion and an experience that I had with someone who was basically raised in military school. It's like if someone posted something about being a stepmother or a working mom or being a brunette or whatever other info that I might have that may or may not be of any use to anyone all. That's the purpose of this forum, right?
[/b]

I know you weren't meaning anything bad about me Kim, it is nice to hear everyones opinions on this matter too, it really helps me think clearly on the situation. and I do thank youfor that!!

[My2miracles]

DBSA Alliance

This is a great place for information about BP and Depression. They also have forums specifically for parents & Friends & Family.

What I forgot to post early is that the medications prescribed for ADHD make kids with BP worse.

Yes, Pdocs are loathe to diagnose children young but that doesn't make it right. From what I've read the longer BP goes untreated the worse it becomes. A lot of Pdocs aren't knowlegable about BP.

I'm not diagnosis Tyler by any means. I'm not a pdoc. Just a mother living with the possibility of having a BP child. I do know from ready that if Lucy is BP the sooner I get her help the better.

If I were you, I would find a really good Pdoc, one knowlegable about BP and get a full evaluation of Tyler. He deserves the best care possible whatever his problems are. If and that's a big IF, he is bipolar, sending him to military school will only make him worse.

In my opinion, someone who says "these types of children" and "psycho ward" is not someone to take advice from when it's your child's life.

I'm here if you need me. I'm also not that far from your - suburbs of Chicago. I'll help in anyway I can.

[SillyMama]

I don't have any advice, I just wanted to send ya some