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  #21  
February 11th, 2009, 01:38 PM
MommaScandalous's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I don't think I am the type of person that would assume what other people's children can and would understand. There are kids that potty train 17 months, but time out is beyond a 16 month old's understanding? I just don't agree. But that's just me.

I really don't want to wait until Grady is two for him to realize that hitting and pinching are not going to be tolerated. He knows when he does it that it is mean cause then he will try to hug you or kiss you...and he doesn't get in time out for it everytime. Only when I try to get him to stop and he gets more aggressive. This is a new thing so I am learning too. I appreciate everyone's opinions. Thanks.[/b]
I didn't mean for it to come off that way, Jillian. Sorry In other words, I wasn't trying to assume that your child wouldn't understand a certain thing or would. I just think there is a lot to indicate developmentally - yes, they are different, but...emotionally they are all really close in that department. But, you're right not the same. This is just my opinion and I didn't mean to say anyone who does a time out at this age is wrong. If you think about it - we're not even that far off from 2.
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  #22  
February 11th, 2009, 02:36 PM
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I'm not a huge believer in time-outs. Caleb is extremely persistent about things so redirecting doesn't work well for us either. I've been giving Caleb a firm "no" and picking him up and setting him away from whatever he won't leave alone. This often results in a tantrum. I simply leave him alone and he discovers that his tantrum is not working. He then comes and finds me, I pick him up, hug him and all is well again.[/b]
This sounds just like my house.

SuSu really isnt a hitter unless we say to pat her brother playfully when he is being rotten. However when she does hit or bite (by accident when I feed her something) she is quick to hug and kiss and say sorry. I am grateful for that cause Izzie ise to bite like crazy it took alot to stop him.

Jillian, I think if its working for you and Grady that awesome. I agree with you and command your efforts to stop it before it gets to bad. We are heading to spend time with inlaws and my SIL warned us that her 18 month old girl hits so dont get mad when she hits my child SURE THING! Yeah right I dont like anyone hitting my kids especially a cousin who isnt being taught better, KWIM? So YEAH YOU!
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  #23  
February 11th, 2009, 02:40 PM
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I am not offended or anything...I just wanted to know people's methods because Grady seems "on to" the redirecting. We have been doing it since he was mobile.

I respect everyone's choices about time out. I am just exploring my options and the few times I have used it he has responded well. If he didn't I would assume he didn't understand.
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  #24  
February 11th, 2009, 04:26 PM
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We have a time-out rug. And when he's throwing a fit, I'll pick him up and put him on it. I've only had to do so once or twice. While I dont' think he fully understands why I'm putting him there, I think that it's all about consistency in getting them to understand once they are older.
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  #25  
February 11th, 2009, 05:50 PM
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Quote:
Quote:
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I've been giving Caleb a firm "no" and picking him up and setting him away from whatever he won't leave alone. This often results in a tantrum. I simply leave him alone and he discovers that his tantrum is not working. He then comes and finds me, I pick him up, hug him and all is well again.[/b]
This is what we have been doing and seems to be working for now, I am not sure time outs would work with Brennan, we have not tried.

I am having a hard time with the hitting or being rough, he realizes at the time that he shouldn't be doing it after we tell him no and will then be nice, but he will do it again at a later time?!?!? I have really been trying to teach him to be nice and gentle (he really only does it every once in a while) but I want him to realize he should be nice because he will soon have a baby sister to love!
[/b]
Caleb isn't really rough with hitting and such, but I've been thinking a lot about him and his soon to be little sister. I think he's going to want to be poking at her eyes and sticking his fingers in her mouth. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it, but life is going to get very interesting for us, isn't it?
[/b]
It sure is! I can't wait to see them together
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  #26  
February 16th, 2009, 12:16 PM
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Distractions don't work with Sharlotte. They stopped working some time ago. Once in a while they work.

She's taken to really throwing tantrums now. Alot of it is because I can't understand her. We are potty training as alot of you know and when she says she has to go, she wants to go! But I know she doesn't have to pee, I know she just wants to go on the potty so she can play with stuff. She likes to pretend she is brushing her teeth with a spare toothbrush. *I* don't do the time-outs. I know she doesn't understand them. She's intelligent. But I thought 16 going on 17 months was a little early for time-outs. About a week ago, Shane put Sharlotte on Time-out and she cried until she fell asleep. I ignore Sharlotte when she throws tantrums and they usually stop in less than 5 minutes. If she throws a tantrum for Shane he puts her in her crib until she stops. That's how his time outs work. In the crib she goes until she stops screaming! He has to keep me out of the room. I hate listening to her cry like that.
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  #27  
February 16th, 2009, 12:41 PM
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Distractions don't work with Sharlotte. They stopped working some time ago. Once in a while they work.

She's taken to really throwing tantrums now. Alot of it is because I can't understand her. We are potty training as alot of you know and when she says she has to go, she wants to go! But I know she doesn't have to pee, I know she just wants to go on the potty so she can play with stuff. She likes to pretend she is brushing her teeth with a spare toothbrush. *I* don't do the time-outs. I know she doesn't understand them. She's intelligent. But I thought 16 going on 17 months was a little early for time-outs. About a week ago, Shane put Sharlotte on Time-out and she cried until she fell asleep. I ignore Sharlotte when she throws tantrums and they usually stop in less than 5 minutes. If she throws a tantrum for Shane he puts her in her crib until she stops. That's how his time outs work. In the crib she goes until she stops screaming! He has to keep me out of the room. I hate listening to her cry like that.[/b]

That is a harsh time out for such a young child.

Grady has never been in time out longer than a minute...and he is right there with me and we hug and kiss when it is over. He only goes in time out right now for aggressive behavior. If I put him in time out for everytime he had a screaming episode he would be there all day Kidding...he is much better about that than he used to be!
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  #28  
February 16th, 2009, 01:07 PM
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Distractions don't work with Sharlotte. They stopped working some time ago. Once in a while they work.
She's taken to really throwing tantrums now. Alot of it is because I can't understand her. We are potty training as alot of you know and when she says she has to go, she wants to go! But I know she doesn't have to pee, I know she just wants to go on the potty so she can play with stuff. She likes to pretend she is brushing her teeth with a spare toothbrush. *I* don't do the time-outs. I know she doesn't understand them. She's intelligent. But I thought 16 going on 17 months was a little early for time-outs. About a week ago, Shane put Sharlotte on Time-out and she cried until she fell asleep. I ignore Sharlotte when she throws tantrums and they usually stop in less than 5 minutes. If she throws a tantrum for Shane he puts her in her crib until she stops. That's how his time outs work. In the crib she goes until she stops screaming! He has to keep me out of the room. I hate listening to her cry like that.[/b]
that sounds too harsh to me too. I mean, I'd want Sadie to know that we're there for her & love her, she's too young to understand that type of consequence, IMO
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  #29  
February 16th, 2009, 01:28 PM
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I just wanted to know people's methods because Grady seems "on to" the redirecting. We have been doing it since he was mobile.[/b]
I talked before I think about how I redirect. Yes, Finn is totally aware that I am trying to get him to stop doing whatever it is. It isn't that they don't know what you are doing. But, of course, with time out he knows what you are doing too. Both are ways to get them to stop doing something. And they know what we are doing. lol
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  #30  
February 16th, 2009, 01:40 PM
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Yes, I do think they are aware that you're trying to get them to stop the behavior. I myself felt that the the time out was insignificant in my household because they aren't learning how to change the behavior by merely sitting there. But I never meant to imply that they didn't didn't understand they did something wrong. I think the time-outs will work for some if your goal is just to see something stop, but I guess for me, the goal would be to turn it into something else. The redirection just seemed a little more positive. That's just one gal's opinion. I should be more specific so I don't sound like I'm throwing blanket statements around I guess. But I would hate to be misunderstood also, so I just wanted to explain myself better.

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  #31  
February 16th, 2009, 01:48 PM
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Yes, I do think they are aware that you're trying to get them to stop the behavior. I myself felt that the the time out was insignificant in my household because they aren't learning how to change the behavior by merely sitting there. But I never meant to imply that they didn't didn't understand they did something wrong. I think the time-outs will work for some if your goal is just to see something stop, but I guess for me, the goal would be to turn it into something else. The redirection just seemed a little more positive. That's just one gal's opinion. I should be more specific so I don't sound like I'm throwing blanket statements around I guess. But I would hate to be misunderstood also, so I just wanted to explain myself better.[/b]
I understood you.

Grady and I are together 24/7 and I have used about every technique under the sun. It isn't always easy to do the same thing over and over when it doesn't work. Can his daddy redirect him and it work?? YEP! Usually everytime. That is because Daddy doesn't have to use it as often so it makes an impact still. I am tyring to keep order in the house without tolerating aggressive behavior. It won't be tolerated now or when he is 2 or 20.

I always leave my options open, and I don't assume that any technique will work the first time I use it. I am basically trying it out and wondered what methods you all use. That's all. No biggie.
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  #32  
February 16th, 2009, 03:28 PM
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Distractions don't work with Sharlotte. They stopped working some time ago. Once in a while they work.

She's taken to really throwing tantrums now. Alot of it is because I can't understand her. We are potty training as alot of you know and when she says she has to go, she wants to go! But I know she doesn't have to pee, I know she just wants to go on the potty so she can play with stuff. She likes to pretend she is brushing her teeth with a spare toothbrush. *I* don't do the time-outs. I know she doesn't understand them. She's intelligent. But I thought 16 going on 17 months was a little early for time-outs. About a week ago, Shane put Sharlotte on Time-out and she cried until she fell asleep. I ignore Sharlotte when she throws tantrums and they usually stop in less than 5 minutes. If she throws a tantrum for Shane he puts her in her crib until she stops. That's how his time outs work. In the crib she goes until she stops screaming! He has to keep me out of the room. I hate listening to her cry like that.[/b]

Just my few cents...but if she understands the concept of peeing on the potty, she probably understands teh consequence of time-out.

And I think Shane is doing what he feels is right as far as punishing her for her tantrum (what he's doing is really no different with my putting my son on his time-out spot when he throws a tantrum)...it's all about what works for your family. So, if YOU truly don't agree with time-outs, then you and Shane need to sit down and figure out a way to compromise on the situation or she's going to be trouble all the time.

Again, just my few cents worth.
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  #33  
February 17th, 2009, 11:19 AM
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Distractions don't work with Sharlotte. They stopped working some time ago. Once in a while they work.

She's taken to really throwing tantrums now. Alot of it is because I can't understand her. We are potty training as alot of you know and when she says she has to go, she wants to go! But I know she doesn't have to pee, I know she just wants to go on the potty so she can play with stuff. She likes to pretend she is brushing her teeth with a spare toothbrush. *I* don't do the time-outs. I know she doesn't understand them. She's intelligent. But I thought 16 going on 17 months was a little early for time-outs. About a week ago, Shane put Sharlotte on Time-out and she cried until she fell asleep. I ignore Sharlotte when she throws tantrums and they usually stop in less than 5 minutes. If she throws a tantrum for Shane he puts her in her crib until she stops. That's how his time outs work. In the crib she goes until she stops screaming! He has to keep me out of the room. I hate listening to her cry like that.[/b]
A time out spot shouldn't be a place that she relates to something else. You don't want her to think going to bed is a punishment, do you? That could be very confusing because if she relates her crib to her 'naughty spot', she might lay there at night and think.... What did i do??

You and Shane should be on the same page. If you aren't inconsistant it will be difficult for her to know what your expectations are. And letting her lay in the crib and cry until she falls asleep seems very harsh. If she is throwing a tantrum then she is frustrated about something. In my oppinion i think its best to let them throw their fit...let off some steam. Then when they feel better snuggle them and try to figure out why they are feeling frustrated.

I dont see anything wrong with having them sit for 1 minute. Even if they don't really understand fully now, it won't take long for them at this age to understand the pattern. I bite...i am here. I hit...i am here..hhmmm.

With Raven we did time outs 1 minute per year of age. When she was a bit older we did a marble jar. Earn them when good. Lose them when not. You cant imagine how devistating losing a marble can be!! lol
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  #34  
February 17th, 2009, 12:03 PM
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I agree with Carmella totally. If he wants to do time-outs, then maybe you two can compromise. Perhaps you could find another spot in the house for it - and only do it for one minute, so that you aren't feeling so bad when she's crying...

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  #35  
February 17th, 2009, 12:27 PM
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I ditto Carmella too. Time outs where they sleep seems too confusing. I never want Grady to think sleep is a form of punishment!

You and Shane talk it out..I bet there can be a compromise that works for all three of you! Good luck!
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