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My dad's journey has come to an end 6/10

Forum: 2007 Playroom


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May 29th, 2009, 11:27 AM
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is not doing well. Since last night he has been really disoriented and out of it. His eyes won't focus, he's on oxygen again, and he's having trouble talking. Our Hospice nurse said to keep a very close eye on him and not leave him alone. The cancer has most likely spread to his brain. I'm heading over there in a bit. Please keep them in your thoughts. Thanks.
Update 5/31
Today he was having a lot of trouble breathing and wouldn't wake up. I rushed over to my moms and she finally got the oxygen on him and he was breathing okay but he would not wake up. I sat with him and held his hand and talked to him for over an hour. He finally woke up for about a minute or so but was very out of it. I told him how much we all love him and we couldn't ask for a better dad or Papa for the grandkids. He actually said I love you too and squeezed my hand. He can't focus on anything and his eyes are rolling around a lot. His oxygen levels were in the 70's but now in the 90's. Anything under 92 is NOT GOOD at all. His hands are turning blue because he doesn't have a pulse in his wrist really. Upper arm has a slight pulse and his stats are decent.
Hospice said they do not think he will wake up again. It has spread to his brain and his organs will start shutting down soon. He can't eat, drink, or talk so his medicine is being administered via a syringe under the tongue. If we can't control the pain at home he will be moved to the Hospice in patient center.
Looks like the end is here... Please keep my mom in your thoughts. She lost my brother 4 years ago in the same house my dad will most likely pass in. Also, Kaley will not be able to know her Papa as well as we'd like her too. We will all miss him very much and grieve his absence in our lives. Just keep my entire family in your thoughts and prayers because we could use it. Thanks everyone for all of the support. I love you guys. I'll keep this thread updated as needed.
Update 6/1
I was at the house today from about 12 PM until 9 PM. I brought Kaley with me for about 30 minutes so she could visit with Papa. She got to rub his hand and give him a kiss and talk to him while he was asleep. He didn't say anything but you could hear him almost grunt or moan like he wanted to. We read his Father's Day cards to him early. I could see him crying even though he wasn't physically or verbally reacting. My mother in law came and picked Kaley up for the day so I could help my mom. Last night, my dad fell out out of bed. IDK how, but my mom managed to pick him up and put him back in bed. My mom has 3 incurable movement disorders which makes it very hard to lift anything or do many physical things like bending over to pick something up or reach around to grab something high off a shelf. They are: dystonia, RSD, and fibromyalgia. Anyways, it was a very busy day with nurses, visitors, yard work getting done, and phone calls galore. The main Hospice nurse, Amanda said she needed to talk to us and we had to make a decision. He is rapidly declining mentally and physically. She said she would be very surprised if he made it past this Friday. Our options were to A- send him to a Hospice in care center where he can get around the clock supervision and medicine as needed or B- try to get Medicaid to approve a 24 hour at home nurse. The condition with option B is that Medicaid will only approve a 24 hour nurse 24 hours at a time. After 24 hours, if he is not declining any more and staying the same, they will NOT approve another 24 hours. If he is declining more after the first 24 hours, you have to put in a request for another 24 hours and really hope it gets approved. My dad has always said he wanted to stay home to pass and not go to a hospital. Well, my mom and Al's mom decided to try the 24 hour at home nurse. She couldn't come until 8 PM though so I offered to stay until then so my mom was not alone in case Al rolled out of bed or tried to get up again. I kept trying to get my mom to take a nap all day because she was tired. Finally I got her to lay down at 5:30 or so. My dad slept all day until about 6:30 PM. I was sitting in the living room watching t.v. & reading a book waiting for the 8 PM nurse to get there. At about 6:30 I heard this noise that truly sounded like thunder or a tree falling but it wasn't storming... I high tailed it into my mom's room and Al is face down on the floor gasping for air. He busted his shoulder into their dresser and lost his oxygen mask. I did not know what to do and I was so scared he was going to stop breathing because it was a HARD fall on wood floors. I moved over to him to try and help him up and slipped. He tried to get out of bed to use the bathroom and soiled himself in the bed and while walking. I got a towel and some cloths to clean up the floor and clean his legs and feet up. He still wouldn't let us get him off the floor. He kept saying "wait" "tell them to stay longer" "no i didn't" etc. Just random, off the wall stuff. We would just nod and play along and say "I know, I should have told them to stay. Sorry about that." Eventually I man handled him up to bed to sit up. He doesn't weigh much thanks to the 80-100 lbs he's lost the past year, but man carrying someone with dead weight is HARD. I don't know how I did it. After sitting him on the bed and coaxing him with some water I got him to lay back down. He still wouldn't let me put his oxygen back on or clean his bleeding shoulder. His poor lips are swollen and chapped even though I keep putting ointment on them. I sent my mom and him back to sleep until the nurse came. I was so nervous though, each time I heard a noise I rushed in there with my heart beating through my chest scared to death he fell again. I started having panic attacks in their hallway. Thank goodness I had my Ativan with me. Finally the nurse came at 8 PM and she was a sweetheart. I explained the entire days events to her and his fall. She was supposed to bring a catheter but she was told that one was already put it so she didn't have one with her. It was time for his routine meds so we went in their room hoping to keep them both asleep and just do his meds with the syringe like usual. Well the dogs started barking and woke my mom and dad up. But he actually recognized me (I think) and said "Hey baby girl" very softly. He said he was hurting really bad. I told him I had the medicine to help him so I gave it to him and then he wanted juice so he drank some juice too. The nurse went to make a phone call to the doctor so I sat with him on the bed and told him how his brother is coming to visit him tomorrow and his dad is coming Thursday. I told him my aunt and grandma are coming Wed/Thu too. He was like "Really, my brother is coming?" I told him Kaley loved spending time with him earlier and we really enjoyed reading his Father's Day cards to him. He said he remembered that. But then he just fell asleep again and wouldn't respond anymore. So I said bye to them and went home and made the rest of the calls to family to let them know the latest news.
Sorry so long and sorry I didn't update last night. I was really tired. I am going over there in a while again today so I'll update later again.
Update 6/2
Today we moved him to an in care Hospice center to get the pain under control. He was actually pretty awake and coherent for a little bit too so we got to chat some, but he still doesn't know where he is or anything like that. We visited him all evening and he was better because he had the morphine drip. He looks better and is talking more but still pretty out of it and doesn't make a whole lot of sense. He will stay there until we can get his pain under control and then maybe get moved home.
Update 6/3
We had some more family come into town today. Dad is still at Hospice and won't be coming home at all his doctors said. His oxygen is dropping steadily and the morphine still isn't making his pain bearable so they will be upping the dosage a lot. He might not wake up and be coherent at all anymore due to the pain meds. I saw him earlier before they upped the dosage and we talked for a couple minutes, although he was still talking off the wall.
Update 6/6
Sorry I haven't updated for a few days, he was actually doing what was commonly known at "rallying" and I didn't want to jinx it.
The person is moving closer towards death. There may be a surge of energy as they get nearer. They may want to get out of bed and talk to loved ones. They may ask for food when they haven’t eaten in days. This surge of energy may be quite a bit less noticeable but is usually used as a dying persons final physical expression before moving on.
The surge of energy is usually short lived and then the previous signs become more pronounced as death approaches. Breathing becomes more irregular and often slower. “Cheyne-Stokes” breathing, rapid breathes followed by periods of no breathes, may occur. Congestion in the airway can increase causing loud, rattled breathing.
He started to decline again today. The doctors and nurses said he will probably last a few more days. Besides family drama, there is nothing else new really.
Update 6/8
We visited Dad yesterday and he was about the same. Sleeping a lot and not eating/drinking as much. I was going to visit today until I found out Kaley had MRSA. Now I won't be visiting with her, I will get someone to keep her while I visit him. I don't want to spread MRSA to terminally ill patients at Hospice, KWIM? Anyways, they changed his morphine drip again today and we will know in the morning how he is doing with the change.
Update 6/9
We got a call at about 1 AM this morning from Hospice and my mom saying that dad took a turn for the worst. We rushed up there and stayed until about 4 AM. A huge thanks to my mother-in-law Lisa for coming over at 1 AM to sit with Kaley in case she woke up while we were gone. He was asleep the entire time but his breathing was loud, choppy, and really ragged. Jordan had to work at 7 AM and I had to get up with Kaley so we returned to the house and told them to call us if there were any changes again. Kaley got up at 7 AM and napped around 1 until 4 PM and I had my bestie, Minerva, come over to watch Kaley so we could go visit dad again. My mom said he had been awake all day. He looked really dreamy and kept saying he saw my brother, some of his distant deceased relatives, angels, etc. He was chatting a lot but not make much sense. When we got there he was awake. I talked to him and held his hand for hours. He told me many times how much he loved me and he just kept smiling at me. He said he needed me, so I stayed by his side all night. He seemed agitated and kept trying to take off his oxygen. We let him. He said he heard really pretty music. Also, for like 5 minutes straight he just kept saying "Yup, Kaley is my pretty grandbaby." I think everyone left the room bawling. He started saying how tired he was from being up all day and he was ready to go to sleep. "It was a long fight but it's over now. I am ready to go." He asked for the t.v. to be turned off and for the lights to be out. So I made everything who was visiting and not immediate family leave the room. We all sat there and talked to him and told him it's okay to go and we love him so much. He drifted off to sleep but was still breathing. I think some of his family are having a really hard time letting him go. They say they are okay with it, but they are not consistent with their actions. Like making him wear the oxygen when he didn't want to. I think Al senses that and until they are really truly ready to let go, I am not sure he will let go. Eventually we had to go because Jordan has to work early and we needed to come home and put Kaley to bed. Maybe if my dad can get a few minutes of peace (no lights, sound, no one bothering and touching him, etc) then he will let go. I hope so, I hate seeing him suffer. I am just waiting for that call...
Update 6/10
My dad is gone. He passed around 7:15 AM this morning.

Last edited by melkissa2004; June 10th, 2009 at 04:46 AM. Reason: updated
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May 29th, 2009, 11:28 AM
ducky516's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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(((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))) I'm so sorry Mel. I'll keep you all in my prayers. Let us know if there's anything at all we can do. Love you sweetie.
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May 29th, 2009, 11:37 AM
ShelleyH's Avatar Super Mommy
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I'm so sorry Mel. My grandfather had brain cancer and it was a hard thing to watch. My thoughts are with you.
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May 29th, 2009, 11:40 AM
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I'm so sorry sweetie!!! (((HUGS))) If you need anything I am here. We went through the same thing with my FIL 5 years ago so I know what its like.
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May 29th, 2009, 11:51 AM
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May 29th, 2009, 11:51 AM
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May 29th, 2009, 11:55 AM
lhug_nar's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm so sorry Mel! I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I had to deal with my grandma's brain cancer 13 years ago. HUGS hun... Let us know if we can do anything for you.
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May 29th, 2009, 11:58 AM
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I'm sorry! (((((((HUGS)))))))))

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May 29th, 2009, 11:59 AM
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May 29th, 2009, 01:05 PM
MamaManna07's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Mel I am so sorry! I am def praying!!!

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May 29th, 2009, 01:10 PM
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I'm so sorry sweetie! I'll be thinking about your dad all day! I hope things get better.
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May 29th, 2009, 01:51 PM
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oh big huge hugs honey. I am so sorry. I will be thinking of you and your family.

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May 29th, 2009, 04:39 PM
Tamaralynnb's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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oh no Mel i am so very sorry, this has to be so hard for you, T&P for you all

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May 29th, 2009, 05:20 PM
VeronicaBride's Avatar Jen
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((HUGS)) Mel. Your family is in my prayers!

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May 29th, 2009, 05:45 PM
Natorock's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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((HUGS)) keep us updated.

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May 29th, 2009, 10:58 PM
Wifey2Jordan's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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It's absolutely horrible to watch someone go through that, i've been there. I will keep you in my prayers. Sending a HUGE hug your way!
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May 30th, 2009, 12:34 AM
~~~Sara~~~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am so sorry Mel, I wish there is something I would say that would help. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help, Again I am so sorry.

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May 30th, 2009, 07:05 AM
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I'm so sorry Mel. My heart is breaking for you. Remember we are always here. You and yourfamily are in my T&P!
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May 30th, 2009, 06:49 PM
rachel115's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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i'm so sorry mel! keeping your family in my thoughts!

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May 31st, 2009, 06:44 PM
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