Debbie's Rants!

Dear Pregnancy Journal!,

Okay, So I'm pregnant! It still hasnt really set in that deep yet. I know that im pregnant, I know theres a little child inside me, but I guess I just dont really understand the extent. I think a lot of it is because I dont feel like im really showing. I just feel fat & bloated. I know I wont feel the baby kick for months! I dont know. I guess since everyone has been having misscarriage scares, including myself, & actually having some of the mommies her misscarry has really got me worried. I just wonder sometimes why I'm able to keep my little monkey & other mommies who are maybe more deserving lossing theirs? I guess its just guilt. I feel awful over it, but I know most things happen for a reason right? I cried to Matt about this last night & he just simply brushed it off as "pregnancy insanity". But I really do feel a bond with the ladies on JM. I feel like this website has really kept me feeling like I have someone to talk to. I had a lady PM me & tell me that she felt I had some really great input for a post & it also made me cry. She told me her story & again, I felt guilt. I dont know. I have a really big heart sometimes & it gets the best of me. I know I can't wait to be a mommy, & I love my little monkey in my belly soo much!

The windsheild wippers on the blazer went out today while I was driving, in the rain of course. Any other time I would have just risked it & drove around. But my motherly insincts got the best of me & I just pulled over until they "magically" started working again.

Another odd thing!! I felt my uterus. Well, I think it was my uterus. Matt said that it might just be muscles, but I felt this big hard area about an inch or two under my belly button. It was really weird & I know I havent really felt anything that hard there before. I have a lot of belly fat already so I dont know, maybe it was just nothing!

Anyways, I'm going to go snuggle with Dodger until Matt is back from band practice.