[valandemmy]

okay, i am kind of in a dilema right now. DH and i are agnostic.....for those of you who don't know what that means, we believe that there is some type of higher power, but don't believe in god/the bible. my daughter has went to church a few times with my grandmother and our friends when she was younger, and came home terrified, because they talked about the devil and people dying. so, it was never really an issue until now. in the past year, she has made friends with girls at school that go to church, and they talk alot about it at school. emmy came home the other day with a picture she had drawn that said I LOVE GOD. i have absolutely no problem with that, but she really has no concept of what that means. she has been asking to go to church. when i ask her why, she said because her friends go and they have parties and get to go to bible school. i have no problem with her going to church, but DH and i don't go and have no intentions to at least for the time being. she could go with family members or friends. but, i do not want to force any religion on her, and at the same time i don't want to force non-religion on her either. i don't know how to sit down and talk to her about the fact that she can go to church, but explain why mommy and daddy won't be going. i want her to make her own decision on religion when she gets older, and i don't want to influence that in either direction. i thought about explaining to her that the bible is a story book that some people believe and others don't, but i think that is way too confusing for a 7 year old. anyone have any ideas on what i could do to help talk her through this. thanks girls!

[Doodle]

you might consider visiting a UU church

http://www.uua.org/visitors/index.shtml

Unitarian Universalists are a caring, open-minded religious community that encourages you to seek your own spiritual path. Our congregations are places where people gather to nurture their spirits and put their faith into action by helping to make our communities—and the world—a better place.[/b]

It's the only church we've seriously considered joining so that our children can have a well rounded look at all religions and how each has aspects that can apply to their lives.

We are agnostic and come from a very convoluted religious background.

[Jennmarie]

I was wondering if you are certain that she'd wonder why you don't go...it may just be that she wants to spend time with her friends and thinks that it sounds fun and it doesn't really occur to her to wonder why you don't go. It kinda sounds like she's just hitting that social age. That was just what I was thinking anyways

[::er!ca::]

I really have no advice, but I hope you find something you are comfortable explaining to her, if you need to explain. Growing up, my sisters and I went to church with my grandparents all the time, and with friends when we spent the night with them on the weekends. However, my parents NEVER went to church with us. I do not remember ever questioning or even thinking "Why don't mom and dad go to church?" It was just something we did with our grandparents from a young age on, or with friends. Maybe you should let her attend when she wants to, and not say anything to her about you and your DH not attending/not believing until she comes to you with questions. I think it's nice that you don't want to push your views on her, and that you are willing to let her do her own thing if she wishes. I think that's awesome! Even if the rolls were reversed, and the parents were the religious believers and the child doesn't want to follow those views, I think it's nice that parents don't insist on pushing their views on their children.

[tsh32]

at her age, I think church is just a social thing. I don't think it will amount to anything in the future (though it might). right now I think it will just be fun for her to participate in a 'club' atmosphere w/ her friends. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. just treat it like if she asked to go roller skating w/ her friends. you wouldn't expect to go, but you'd want addresses, phone numbers, and times.

[lisa74]

I wouldn't let my child go to church (or any place of worship, we are jewish but don't go to synagogue oursevles) without me. I would want to be right there hearing what she is hearing and seeing what she is seeing so that we could talk about it afterwards. You and your husband may not be interested for yourselves but if she is interested and you are wanting to allow her/help her to explore her options, I think you need to bite the bullet and go somewhere with her and not send her off by herself or with friends or relatives.

It's also not uncommon for the child to rebel against the parent when it comes to religion, either by becoming less religious or more than the parents. A friend of mine was raised by atheists and converted to catholocism when she was an adult (pretty big swing there!) But as a child she was always "yearning" for something more. I think it's great that you want her to make her own decision about things but it needs to be an informed decision and part of that will be trying different things out and seeing how they fit. While she is a child I believe the parents need to be involved with that.

I agree that UU is a good place to start too, they are far more accepting of many different ways of viewing god and religion than any other church.

[Mommy2Aiden]

Church really is a social "thing" when you are that age. I went to a couple of different churches growing up. My parents never went with me until I was older. I didn't expect them to come either. I made a lot of really good friends through church and stayed pretty active. It gives her an chance to do things that you might not of known about in the community (extra easter egg hunts, christmas parties, trips to the roller skating rink, or local theme park.) Oh and the "I love God" picture....I am sure she just drew/wrote that to "fit" in with her other friends that were drawing that. JMO.

[Butter]

I think you may be underestimating what a 7 year old can understand. I don't think it would be a problem for you to explain to her your beliefs and that she can choose on her own.

[Momma2threekiddies]

I agree that I don't think she'll ask questions about you...she'll just think your tired or have things to do. My mom never went to church with me and I never thought anything of it. I went when I was at my dads house visiting or with my grandfather not often though. I would just let her go and if she has questions then you could always tell her to let you think on it and seek advice if its something your not sure how to answer.

[stacyp]

I agree with Butter.

[shh120]

I have been in your shoes! My son goes through spells of wanting to go/not wanting to go to church. It usually revolves around the activities the churches offer at the time and what friends are going. I refuse to push religion AND non-religion on my son. If he wants to go, I take him. If he wants to stay at home, I let him. I keep it simple and I let him make up his own mind.

That is the biggest gift I can give him because when I was little I wasn't given the opportunity to form my own beliefs and I struggled as I got older with fitting together God, which religion is the right one, the dinosaurs, suppressive views throughout history of women in various religious cultures, etc....( I could go on and on and on). I'd like for my son to start from a clean slate of thinking and I try hard not to skew his beliefs.

[E1izabeth]

I wouldn't let my child go to church (or any place of worship, we are jewish but don't go to synagogue oursevles) without me. I would want to be right there hearing what she is hearing and seeing what she is seeing so that we could talk about it afterwards. You and your husband may not be interested for yourselves but if she is interested and you are wanting to allow her/help her to explore her options, I think you need to bite the bullet and go somewhere with her and not send her off by herself or with friends or relatives.[/b]

I completely agree with this post. Even if she only wants to go for social reasons, she is bound to hear things that will make her think. I wouldn't let my sons go without me or DH. DH was raised Catholic and I was not raised in any one particular church. Even though DH and I don't practice an organized religion I'd go with DS if he expressed an interest. It's too important of a thing to let your child do with others in my opinion.

[rachnbrent]

when i was little i was forced by my grandparents and my father to go to church. i'm catholic, was baptised, made my first communion, and confirmation that way. and honestly? i couldn't exactly explain the communion and confirmation thing to you. i never paid attention in church unless in catechism class we would have a quiz on what the sermon was the previous sunday. when i moved out of my parents house, df and i occasionally went to church after i got preggo because i wanted to baptise dd as catholic at our church and since then we haven't been back. as i've gotten older my thoughts and beliefs have changed and i don't necessarily disagree with my church but i just believe differently than they do. i will still baptise my son as we did with our daughter, but it will be up to them if they want to attend church as catholic or whatever religion they choose.

my mom is a kind of different story. she was brought up baptist and converted to catholic to be married in our catholic church to my dad. she went through catechism and all and now doesn't go to church anymore and hasn't for a very long time telling us when we've asked that she has different beliefs than that church. but she's constantly telling us we NEED to go to church and gets upset when we tell her the same thing back.

i would try to just explain to her that these people believe differently in god than you and dh do and that if she had any more questions about it feel free to ask. then when she gets older she'll make her mind up. its not like you're forcing anything on her that she doesn't want. i would wait until she gets curious to explain in detail or any further than that.

[whalenmommy]

wow - tough situation - as a kid, my parents didn't attend church - but I always liked to go with other friends and my grandma - I never gave it much thought that they didn't go - but when I did ask my mom, she was pretty upfront that she wasn't interested in the "organized religion" thing - and that seemed like an ok response to me at the time - then, when I chose to be baptized in high school - she went and supported me, and has continued to be supportive of my beliefs as an adult - and while my own kids attend church with me and we have our own beliefs, I have always remembered how my mom was growing up and have tried not to be judgmental when my kids ask me questions about different beliefs - if they did want to go to a different church, I would definitely go with them so I could understand what was being taught and answer any questions they might have...and how they compare to how I have chosen to believe and raise them...their decision regarding their beliefs is ultimately theirs - as it is for everyone - but it would hard for me to just let them go to any ol' church without having an understanding of what that church believes...so I could understand any questions they might have and help explain why different people believe different things...if that makes sense...

[Doodle]

I completely agree with this post. Even if she only wants to go for social reasons, she is bound to hear things that will make her think. I wouldn't let my sons go without me or DH. DH was raised Catholic and I was not raised in any one particular church. Even though DH and I don't practice an organized religion I'd go with DS if he expressed an interest. It's too important of a thing to let your child do with others in my opinion.
[/b]

exactly, it's too important. you NEED to know what your child is being told. When I went with friends I was fed fire and brimstone, I was told sometimes subtly and sometimes outright that my whole family was going to burn in hell b/c they didnt come to church and if I didnt want that to happen to me, that I better keep going. Some friends went to lovely churches where there was singing and a sermon but not much more for the kids.. others went to places that taught a lot of hate and intolerance. My parents never knew what I was being told but it scared the heck out of me