[Patsy]

I really have a hard time admitting that i have a problem but it just might do me some good to talk a bit...

2 weeks ago, out of the blue... I WANTED A DIVORCE!!! Nothing in the world could change my mind. I was telling myself how my marriage is the root to every problem in the world! that it was a HUGE mistake! after feeling and thinking like that for 3 days I tald DH how I felt, and in complete shock he said what the he** is going on in your head?! I tryed convinceing him that he felt the same way! He felt the complete opposite and for no reason it pissed me off! Later that night we talked and he said, if I want him to move out for awhile hed be willing to do so to give me some space and I said "if you move out, Im moving out too'! After that I completly broke down! He told me that im not thinking straight and im not acting like myself...... He told me he wanted me to go talk to a counceler so I thought he was calling me crazy and all over again, I lost it!


Well, a few days later while he was at work and I was giving Brooklyn a bath... Reality started sinking in... I DONT want A divorce and I love DH with all my heart! I couldnt figure out why i was trying to tear my family apart when it so perfect! and I look at Brooklyn and my heart aches because I almost tore us apart and ruined the life ive been building on for 5 years! and now shes here, 2 months old and has no clue in the world whats going on!

I called my dr this monday and told him I needed to talk, so I got an appt for that afternoon and I spent almost 3 hours talking with him... He said that my "baby blues" have turned into 'serious post partum depression?!?! It all makes scence tho..... I just cant believe I held so much in for so long! I get embarrased about it cuz Im supposed to be happy! and nothing supposed to go wrong you know?!

Seriously, it got to the point I deleted all my JM friends off of myspace!!!!!!! Phew! That was hard! lol.... Thank you for taking time to read this, it felt REALLY good to type it out




On another note... Brooklyns doing amazingly well!!! Shes growing so dang fast! Im not kidding wither when I say this, Last friday, she woke up and I fed her then gave her a bath and grabbed an outfit she had work a few days before.... and it DIDNT fit! I couldnt stretch it far enough to buttin the botton!!! It was a 0-3 month... so I tryed another 0-3 and same thing! So, i tryed on a 3-6month and holy crap it fit! Just over night she grew like an inch i swear!! Shes eating really good and I seem to have a good control over the reflux =) Shes so much more active now too! She like to listen to her toys that make noise and sing! shes laughing and cooing up a storm! She can also hold her head up all by herself (she cant sit or anything yet lol)! We have her 2 month well baby visit on Jan. 27th! She will be 2 months old on sunday! Im so proud of her its just unbelieveable that she once was a microscopic dot inside my belly! lol

[iheartaddi]

Good luck Patsy! I hope you start to feel better now that you know what's going on. It sounds like you have a great doctor who is supportive of you. I know there are some ladies on here who have experienced PPD who I'm sure can relate to you and give you some advice.

[inyourhonor]

Sweetheart, I had the same thing after I had Gage. It's such a hard thing to go through and I fully understand. You're not a lone and you're not crazy for having those thoughts. It comes with the PPD! You're not crazy, you're not certifiable and you don't need to be embarrassed. Talk to your doctor and see what he says about helping you. If you need to talk, I'm more then willing to. I had no one to talk to when I went through it with Gage. It's a hard thing to cope with but you can get through it. I'm glad your DH is very understanding. He will probably be your best support system to get through it.

[laisydaisymama]

aw honey, you will be okay and you aren't crazy! I'm glad DH didn't just flip out and tried to be understanding. What did the doctor say about a solution?

that's awesome that Brooklyn is doing so well, I think it will still be a long time before Claire is in 3-6 months, she is just now getting too big for her newborn clothes!

[Jendaly]

Patsy,

Thank you for feeling that you can share with us. Please take care of yourself and know that we are here whenever you need us. I hope you start feeling better soon and I am glad that Brooklyn is doing well. Just look at her and I bet it makes you smile.

Lots of Hugs,

Jen

[Mod-navywifey2003]

Thank you for trusting us that you felt you could share that with us. Im glad that your husband was so understanding and that you knew something wasnt right and called the doctor. What did the doctor say? I hope that you can get the help you need and we are always here for you!

Thats great about brooklyn. Im glad she is doing so well.

[Aidan~N~Haileys Mama]

Thank you for trusting us! I'm sorry you are feeling this way, but I'm glad your DH was soo supportive of you and I'm glad you have a dr to talk to and help you through this!! I hope you start feeling better soon hun!! and we are here for you if you ever need to talk!

I'm soo glad Brooklyn is doing soo well!!

[emsketch]

I completely stinks that you have been on an emotional rollercoaster. Good for you for seeking professional advice. Sounds like you have a good doctor and hopefully you will be off that rollercoaster soon. Thanks for sharing, you know you can always find support here. Glad to hear that Brroklyn is doing so well and growing like a weed!

[Patsy]

Thanks girls!!! It feels really good to have sorta have a support system with you all!

I go back to the Dr. on Wednesday to discuss medication, We really ran outa time on Monday. A friend of mine gave me a number to a psychiatrist (sp) that deals with alot of PP issues. I havent called her yet... im not sure if I want to or not. I might see what My Dr. has to say first?! Or maybe I should just go see what she has to say/offer?? I do have to pay for it out of pocket but maybe its worth it.

[laisydaisymama]

I would see what your dr has to say first and ask him about this other dr, if he thinks it's a good idea, go see her. if not, try what he says first, and if after a while, it's not helping, consider seeing someone else.

[BensMom]

Since you're paying out of pocket, I'd wait and see what the doc says first. You're not crazy. Really. My mom didn't even WANT me when I was born. I stayed with my grandmother for 2 weeks. It's completely normal to lose your mind for a while.

[MomofMaddy]

That must be very scary... I would rather physically hurt then deal with depression.

Hang in there. We are here.

[*Valerie*]

Glad you figured it out and talked to your dr. Hope things get better

[brown25]

You are not alone, hun. This kind of thing is more common than most of us realize. I'm sorry you are going through this, but so glad that your DH is dealing so well. Hang in there, we are here for you.



Yay for Brooklyn growing!! I was so sad when I had to put all of Teagan's 0-3 month clothes away They just grow up SO fast!! Now I'm having to pit some of her 3-6 months away too

[LucyRuth]

*Hugs* I hope you're feeling better soon hun! Your DH sounds very supportive