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A few months ago Dh and I decided that we didn't want a huge party for Wes' first b-day. We went to a few REALLY over the top ones, saw how miserable the poor lo's were and decided that it wasn't for us. Plus, since our house isn't really big enough to have a ton of friends an family over having it at our home wasn't even an option. So we decided that we would have a very small party and just have my in-laws and BIL & SIL over. We're still decorating, having a bbq, cake and everything that we would do if we were having a big party but just without tons of people. But now I'm feeling guilty about my decision....like I'm cheating my son out of a "real" birthday party with kids and the whole nine yards. I keep trying to remind myself that he won't even remember and that the parties when he's older are more important since he *will* have memories of those. I was so confident in my decision until now. As his b-day is quickly approaching I'm feeling guilty...and I guess this is because it seems like almost all of the mommies I know are having these big parties and I'm not. I'm usually not a "keeping up with the Jones'" type of person but for some reason this is getting to me. I guess all I'm looking for is some reassurance that I'm not a bad mom....that I'm not jipping my son out of something that he should have.
I am also feeling guilty about not throwing an official party, but in reality, I know I shouldn't. Neither should you! The fact is, they will not remember this birthday. As you said, you are having a small family gathering, cake, bbq, and decorations - that is a party! Take some pictures and really all you're missing is the big mess a lot of people make to clean up afterward!
Don't fret mama! You will have a great day and Wes will have cake and your worries will melt away!
You are a GREAT mom! Don't feel bad! You are right. He won't remember it. If I could I would probably have a smaller party too but I already sent out all the invites.
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Thank you itsmenatalie for my beautiful new siggy!
It sounds to me like you are having a GREAT party--all the festive touches like cake and decorations will make for great memories for you and your family and great pictures for Wes to look back on when he gets older. I think you're doing terrific, Mama!
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Thanks to Claire1979 for my adorable siggy!
We are doing a small immediate family and close friends (read: Godparents) only party. There will be about 10 people coming. I sent out invites via E-vite. We are having it at our townhouse, praying it wont rain, otherwise, we will be piled in the living room along with all the boxes that are waiting to be moved. We are borrowing tables from Comcast (and yes, they have COMCAST written all over them in bright red paint), and gathering lawn chairs from neighbors and family. I am serving appetizers, cake/ice cream and sodas. Im making her cake myself. Im not decorating other than some balloons and a "Happy Birthday" banner. Im buying plastic serving dishes and cutlery and using left over paper plates I have from various other parties Ive done. We got her 3 things for her Birthday- the "Elmo Live" we tried to give her for X-Mas that scared the crap out of her so we are re-gifting it to her, a "Ball-tivity Center" that I found on sale for $10, and a new outfit.
All that said- she is going to have the BEST Birthday ever! Everyone that loves her and that she loves the most will be there, it will be laid back and focused on fun, and I wont have a whole ordeal to keep on during the party so I can enjoy it with her. I think thats whats most important, at least for us. She will have a great time with loved ones, the new things we got her, the cake and hopefully the weather. We will have fond memories of it and nice loving photos we can share with her later on. Her memory of it will come from our rendition of it to her when she is older- so the better it is for US, the better it will be for her, all around!
I think your plan of a family gathering and BBQ is fantastic! You arent cheating him out of anything- you are giving him the gift of intimate, special family only time- and you cant put a price, or a streamer on that! Youre a great mom!
It sounds to me like you are planning something GREAT that Wesley will enjoy!! There is nothing like a BBQ with your loved ones. I say that is wonderful!
I am kind of in the same boat as you, Lisa! I just keep telling myself that we are doing the best for Mckenzie. I know it would be very overwhelming for her to have lots of people there. This way the family gets to spend time with our LO's and don't feel like they missed time with the birthday girl/boy too. Plus, we really don't have space or need the gifts that we would get - even if we say no gifts! Really, Mckenzie and Wesley will not even know what is going on and that the event is for them! We all want to be a perfect parent and do everything right, so I think that makes us constantly question how we are doing things. I think you are doing what is right for your family at the time.
I see nothing wrong with having a bbq. That's what we were going to do too. As long as you family is there and the people that love him and your family..who cares. You could have his party at Subway in Walmart and would it matter? Nope..just as long as you are with family and friends..and remember that it's for HIM
We're having a party with about 15 people. They are all family and close friends of ours. And guess what we're having to eat? Pizza,ice cream,and cake
Ours is going to be small too. I posted a while back on whether or not to have the party on Mother's day since my mom will be in town. We opted to go for it and have the party on Mother's day. Some of our friends can't make it since they made other plans. Our friends with babies aren't coming and that is okay with us too. Annabella will have both of her grandmothers with her on Mother's day and to me that is the most special thing we can give her.
To me it is all about quality, not quantity. Don't feel pressure or guilt to do something you don't want to do. You are a terrific mommy and don't feel that your aren't! That is an order...lol.
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Thank you Gwynbynfoefyn for my fabulous new siggie
Jacksons was supposed to be small but some family found out and showed up. We didnt have kids other then brother and sister that were there. I bought pizza from little ceasers and chips and soda. It is not how big or how small or even that you have a party. It is just about celebrating your child and letting him know that he is loved. He is not going to be mad when he is older. Take it from me. Dont do big parties unti lyou have to and start saving now for the big ones. My DD is turning 10 in June and let me tell you if I could get away with it i would have a small party but at this age it is kinda outta the question! Enjoy the smallness while you can!
You really shouldnt feel guilty at all. I wasn't going to have anything but got talked into it by my Mom and Kris. It sounds like you are having a great party for Wes. Who says you need to invite every Tom, **** and Harry? Plus they will never remember it, and when they are older and look back on any pictures or whatever - I'm sure they're not going to ask why you didn't have a huge bash for them.
I am SO HAPPY that Nic's party is over. I was stressed three weeks prior and now I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I can finally breathe and get on with my life.
I think that your plan sounds awesome!!! That is the exact kind of day I had in mind to celebrate Holden's first bday...however once the MIL and my mom got involved our small intimate bash ballooned into the big out of hand ordeal that will be our Saturday. Lol. At this age, I think that a big huge party is probably a bit overwhelming for kiddos, and the day will be SO much more enjoyable if spent with just their nearest and dearest, some yummy food, a few cute decorations, and some cake! So stop feeling guilty and be proud of yourself for making a GREAT decison. You have years of crazy parties with loads of kids ahead of you!!!
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Thank you so much Kris2you for my lovely siggy!!!
The only reason Evie's party seemed big is because I come from a HUGE family. I have 5 brothers and a sister, so even if it was just immediate family it would be big. Also, the only people that were specifically invited for Eve were, 4 of my cousin's and their kids, my aunt and two close family friends. Everyone else that was there was really there for my brother John's part of the party.
With Pat we had a cake at my mil's house, just the 4 of us and then we went out to dinner at Outback. Mikey had a 'real' party, but we were living on base in San Antonio and Dave was doing home daycare, so the DC kids were invited...lol. Caroleigh we went with another family to IHOP, we got her chocolate chip pancakes. I guess my point is only two of my kids had 'real' parties, but all of them had great memories. As long as you have a picture of them looking adorable eating their first real piece of cake that is all that matters. They don't remember it anyway!
I bet, since it is not your style you would be more upset 20 years from now if you did a big affair that you really didn't enjoy anyway. My favorite 'party' for any of my kids was Caroleigh's, she was so cute getting the chocolate all over her, the wait staff sang happy birthday and she got all messy again eating her cake, it was nice, quiet, and I got to eat breakfast for dinner...what more can you ask for? Oh, yeah...I didn't have to clean up
The only reason Evie's party seemed big is because I come from a HUGE family. I have 5 brothers and a sister, so even if it was just immediate family it would be big. Also, the only people that were specifically invited for Eve were, 4 of my cousin's and their kids, my aunt and two close family friends. Everyone else that was there was really there for my brother John's part of the party.
With Pat we had a cake at my mil's house, just the 4 of us and then we went out to dinner at Outback. Mikey had a 'real' party, but we were living on base in San Antonio and Dave was doing home daycare, so the DC kids were invited...lol. Caroleigh we went with another family to IHOP, we got her chocolate chip pancakes. I guess my point is only two of my kids had 'real' parties, but all of them had great memories. As long as you have a picture of them looking adorable eating their first real piece of cake that is all that matters. They don't remember it anyway!
I bet, since it is not your style you would be more upset 20 years from now if you did a big affair that you really didn't enjoy anyway. My favorite 'party' for any of my kids was Caroleigh's, she was so cute getting the chocolate all over her, the wait staff sang happy birthday and she got all messy again eating her cake, it was nice, quiet, and I got to eat breakfast for dinner...what more can you ask for? Oh, yeah...I didn't have to clean up
The only reason Evie's party seemed big is because I come from a HUGE family. I have 5 brothers and a sister, so even if it was just immediate family it would be big. Also, the only people that were specifically invited for Eve were, 4 of my cousin's and their kids, my aunt and two close family friends. Everyone else that was there was really there for my brother John's part of the party.
With Pat we had a cake at my mil's house, just the 4 of us and then we went out to dinner at Outback. Mikey had a 'real' party, but we were living on base in San Antonio and Dave was doing home daycare, so the DC kids were invited...lol. Caroleigh we went with another family to IHOP, we got her chocolate chip pancakes. I guess my point is only two of my kids had 'real' parties, but all of them had great memories. As long as you have a picture of them looking adorable eating their first real piece of cake that is all that matters. They don't remember it anyway!
I bet, since it is not your style you would be more upset 20 years from now if you did a big affair that you really didn't enjoy anyway. My favorite 'party' for any of my kids was Caroleigh's, she was so cute getting the chocolate all over her, the wait staff sang happy birthday and she got all messy again eating her cake, it was nice, quiet, and I got to eat breakfast for dinner...what more can you ask for? Oh, yeah...I didn't have to clean up
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When they persisted in questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "Let the person among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." John 8:7 Sail Back to Me
I am like Meghan, my IMMEDIATE family is HUGE, David has 3 siblings, and I have 4, 3 of who are married WITH kids, and I now have 2 more step brothers thanks to my dads latest remarriage. Then there are grandparents, there are 6 grandparents, and 4 great grandparents. So immediate family only is about 30 people. There is no way around it for me.
We also invited a few friends who all have babies.
I dont think there is a right or wrong way to do a party, you do what you want and what works for you and there is nothing to feel guilty about it Wes wil have a wonderful birthday full of love!
Ladies...thank you so much!!! Your words really mean a lot. You have really helped me to get a grip and realize what is important. It's so hard not to get caught up in the whole "perfect mommy" thing and I think I've just been putting too much pressure on myself. I'm constantly second guessing so many of my decisions for the fear that I'm not doing the best for my son. Thanks again for pulling me back into reality.
Your party is going to be less hectic, more intimate (is that the right word?) and there will be more time to focus on the birthday man, rather than a million guests! I am also just having a small party, no kids other than Kalebs little sister. Mostly just my Mom and Sis, and Kalebs fathers side of the family. Maybe 12 people total. I dont mind that its small though, less trouble on me. But his next birthday is gonna be all out party, because then he can at least enjoy it. Dont feel bad Momma, you are doing great!! I was hoping to skip a party all together with Kaleb, then he wouldnt turn one lol Im bad!
We are keeping things small too! 12 adults and 4 kids COUNTING Ryan, Tiffy, and I. With the size of our house and such it makes more sense, plus... like you said it kinda freaks the babies out where there are a ton of people!
Honestly, for Tiffy's sake I'm probably doing too much! I will admit right here and now that all the decorations and stuff I've been working so hard on is because I want to do it and I find it so much fun!!!! I love to entertain and am starved for it since we don't have the budget, the people to invite over, or the space. I have no thought in my head that she will give a crap I made her a garden wall with tissue paper flowers! *LOL* She will probably hate wearing her tutu, etc. Heck, it's for my own sake and for photo opportunities!!!!
In general things that are too big just don't work out well. I know this girl that always invites WAY too many people over and it's awful! There's nowhere to sit and it's just chaos. I won't even go to anything over there anymore because it's uncomfortable and scares the crap outta Tiffy! We had a small wedding by most standards. In my Dad's backyard with about 50 people. Going larger does not mean better, I really believe that!! Especially for our little ones who don't understand and can get overwhelmed or scared easily!!!!
The party sounds just perfect to me! We went small too (under 15)....and did the same for Mick's 1st & 2nd bday. I figure we might as well enjoy the small ones while we can because once they are in grade school and have a ton of friends we won't have a choice
Stop feeling guilty and enjoy the days leading up to his 1st BIRTHDAY!!!
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