[*Leonara*]

I am lucky with the fact that Brendan doesn't throw them out in public. But this little boy constantly wants to be in the car, outside, shopping, whatever. I can't be doing this 24/7. He needs naps, I need to clean, cook, whatever! He will ask the same question over and over, I keep saying no. Anyhoo - long story short, he will scream scream scream for hours if I don't give him what he wants! I have tried putting him in his room and closing the gate then walking away so he knows I won't give in. Literally though, he will continue the screaming for what feels like a lifetime! I open up the gate, then he just hangs on my leg and tugging at my pants. I know it doesn't sound that bad, but my patience is wearing! I know I know, he is a toddler. But really, he is LOUD and persistent. WHAT TO DO?!?!

I know why he does this with me. I give in. But, how do I cure this without giving in? Because as of right now, the only way for him to stop making my neighbors think I am killing him, is if he gets what he wants.

AHHH!!!

[*Valerie*]

Funny. I was just chatting about this with Amanda. So far, Will is okay. Troy was a different story. Great in public and the longest tantrums at home (1 in public though). It was crazy. Like 45 minutes of screaming crying, kicking, rolling.....At first I tried to restrain him, reason with him, bribe...finally, just ignoring and not giving in was the only thing. It sucks too but you have to hold your ground. He'll eventually stop, but it's a challenge

[*Leonara*]

It really is. I've never been able to hear him cry even when he was an infant (although those cries are different). Well, now I know his cries and all that...But still. It is still a knife in my ear when he is sitting there screaming because he just wants to go in the car. It seems like no big deal to him right? But, he needs to learn that we can't! I feel like I have 2 more years of this I feel like he just can't understand that we can't just hop in the car because he's screaming at me.

I did the ignoring thing today which didn't work out too well because I was cooking as he was in his room screaming at me, so then I had to let him out to eat his dinner....So, yeah. I doubt he learned much from that. It sounds bad that I 'let him out' of his room, lol. Thing is, when he is in a temper tantrum like that he will literally hang onto my leg and if that doesn't work he'll start trying to throw stuff at whatever I am doing. Tonight it was spaghetti sauce. We all know hot, splattered spaghetti sauce doesn't feel too good!

[*Valerie*]

Oh Yes. I get it! I totally understand. It is such a pain, but sometimes just ignoring it and then acting like nothing was going on helped. Weird I know so ignore him and then say "Okay, time for dinner. Let's get to the table" or whatever and that's okay. You aren't giving in, you're just moving on

[LisaS]

I don't lock Alie in her room, but I take her there and let her know that I'll be in the kitchen cooking dinner/reading a book/whatever and when she's calmed down and ready to keep me company, she knows where to find me. There's sometimes a few more minutes of crying, then I see a teary, smiley girl come out of her room and say "Don't cry Alie. It's okay." and that's that. These days I ask her to repeat whatever it is I asked her not to do too, just to make sure she gets it. I'll say "What did Mommy say?" and she'll answer "Don't kick!" or "No car!"

Sometimes it helps to let her know WHY we can't do something. Like if she wants to go in the car, I'll tell her "We have nowhere to go today. We need to bake cupcakes! How does that sound instead? Then tomorrow we can go in the car to go to school." Try to plan something that he likes to do too. Alie likes to "help" me cook, so we sit at the kitchen table and she helps me pour ingredients into a bowl.

[army_wife1008]

It really honestly depends. I have no problem whatsoever ignoring him when he throws fits, EXCEPT for the fact that usually when he throws a fit, vomit is involved. This is quite honestly THE most frustrating thing for me when it comes to fit throwing. If I know he just ate, I literally cannot let him throw a fit or else he will vomit up his whole feeding. It is ridiculous, and maddening and gets us absolutely no where. It is silly that I have to walk on eggshells in order to avoid a fit from him. If he hasn't eaten recently I just let him throw a fit. He will hit his head on the floor, scream, cry, yell. I don't care, it's normal, annoying two year old behavior. I don't give in to him, unless of course, I am afraid he will puke. GRRRRR!

[BensMom]

I agree... vomit is the one thing I don't ignore. ... which made Ben constantly do it at this age. Punk. HOWEVER, you can clean up the vomit while still ignoring the tantrum. Don't say a word while you're cleaning it up.

I also agree about putting Daniel in his room and telling him to come out when he's ready to be happy again. I do it with Ben sometimes, but he's old enough now to play me, so sometimes *I* have to decide when he's happy enough to leave his room.

Don't back down. Ever. If you gave into the tantrum after 45 minutes last time, you can bet the next one will last an hour. Kids know how to manipulate parents from the time they're about 4 mos old, so by the time they're 2, they're really good at it.

One more thing I've found that helps - don't talk over the tantrum, because you'll both end up yelling, and that solves nothing. If you have something important to say during an outburst, get down to their level and whisper or quietly talk in their ear. They have to be quiet to hear what you're saying (and speak slowly/clearly to drag it out as long as possible), and the tone will help calm them as well.

Both of mine very, very, very rarely throw tantrums when they're awake and have a full belly. If they're tired or hungry, they can be bears.

[*GatorMommy*]

Thank GOD Lorelai has kinda gotten out of her 5x a day temper tantrum stage. It got really bad when Johnny was first born. We were doing time outs constantly. If she starts throwing a temper tantrum now, I ask her if she needs to go into her room to calm down. Most of the time, she'll just whimper a little bit more and then move on. If she is still carrying on when I ask her that, I'll lead her into her room and leave the door cracked open. She'll sit there screaming bloody murder for a minute and then kinda slink out and come find me and we move on to something else.

If we're in public and she starts to throw a tantrum, usually I can just ask her if she needs to go calm down and she'll quiet down. I usually swoop in with something to distract her at that point.

I agree about not backing down- ever. DH and I are always very consistent. For some reason she goes through these phases of asking for skmethig and then changing her mind and getting upset. For example, she'll ask for milk and then as soon as you poor it she'll freak out and start asking for a juice box if she sees it while you open the fridge. I'll just leave the cup of milk on the table and ignore the tantrum. Eventually she realizes that Mommy is not giving in and she drinks the milk. LOL

[kmac]

i have no advice. emerson sits in time out a LOT. she has not issue about where she throws tantrums. she threw a HUGE one in the middle of the mall while trick or treating, wearing her wicked witch costume. heh. it was comical. i ignored it until i felt like people were starting to wonder whether i was a bad mom....which was like 4 minutes. then i picked her up, fought her to strap her into the stroller and told her to take a chill pill. that was all because someone gave her a sticker instead of candy. she is outrageous.

lots of tantrums. loud ones. i dont give in. but it doesnt matter. someday it will end right? i hold onto that hope. until then i hope i have a thread of patience left...

[ItalySarah]

I completely disagree that babies can manipulate their parents at 4 months old.... I don't think at 2 they intentionally manipulate either. I think that they don't understand why they can/can't do something and don't know how to express it, which leads to tantrums. I really enjoyed the book "The Happiest Toddler on the Block". The 'toddler-ease' has helped us tremendously. Its basically acknowledging that your child is mad and helping them learn how to use their words to express it to you.

Bella, when she has tantrums, (not often at all) usually chills out within a minute of me figuring out why she is mad. Just knowing that I understand what is wrong usually is enough to stop the tantrum right then. I explain why/why not things are going the way they are and then we go on about our business.

[Crys]

Originally Posted by GeronimoPrincess

I completely disagree that babies can manipulate their parents at 4 months old.... I don't think at 2 they intentionally manipulate either. I think that they don't understand why they can/can't do something and don't know how to express it, which leads to tantrums. I really enjoyed the book "The Happiest Toddler on the Block". The 'toddler-ease' has helped us tremendously. Its basically acknowledging that your child is mad and helping them learn how to use their words to express it to you.

Bella, when she has tantrums, (not often at all) usually chills out within a minute of me figuring out why she is mad. Just knowing that I understand what is wrong usually is enough to stop the tantrum right then. I explain why/why not things are going the way they are and then we go on about our business.

The Happiest Toddler on the Block has been a God send to us. Carson has speech problems & for him when he is throwing a fit to use the toddler ease technique has really helped us to calm him down & show him that yes we understand he is mad & it really works. Sometimes you feel silly at first doing it but it really works! & sometimes if it doesnt seem to be working I let him throw the fit out. He never stays mad more than a minute or so now so sometimes I just let him get it all out.

[Aidan~N~Haileys Mama]

Not all kids are the same, as we know, my child throws tantrums, no matter if I tell him nicely he can't play with something, touch this or that, etc, if he wants to do it he will throw a fit, and even when I talk to him calmly about why he can't have it, it doesn't matter. Not all kids can be talked calmly out of their tantrum. So time outs and ignoring him seem to work. If I even try to calm him down it makes it worse most of the time, also it just depends on the severity of the tantrum some aren't as bad as others.

I agree don't give in, the more you give in they more they will do it to get away with it.

I think every parent will find their own way to deal with tantrums because one way may work for one kid and not with another!! Good luck everyone dealing with tantrums!!

[kmac]

i understand the idea behind "the happiest toddler on the block" but emerson could care less if i know why she is mad or acknolwedge to her that i understand that she is mad about xyz but this is the reason why we cant do it or whatever. it doesnt matter. i WISH it was that easy...

[laisydaisymama]

I ignore and then distract. I tell her I will talk to her when she can talk nicely. and if all else fails, I put her in her room.

Claire can throw one heck of a fit.....I can only say what I would do if one of my kiddos was doing what you are describing. might help, might not.



I'm assuming he doesn't start with screaming, that he is asking to leave or whatever. Say no, we're not leaving right now, right now we're going to________. Have something fun planned and ready since you already know he is going to try it. We're going to color, we're going to make cookies, we're going to play outside, go for a walk, take a bath, whatever. Go ahead and make him happy, just don't actually give in to what he's asking for.

If that doesn't work and you end up with a melt down, pick him up or kneel down to him, whatever will work best to make you face to face, tell him that it's time to stop screaming now, that it's over, all done, whichever words he will easiest recognize in the middle of a fit. Then walk away from him and do whatever you were going to do, maybe YOU go start coloring or getting the bath ready or whatever. Give him 2-3 minutes to calm down.

If he is still screaming and throwing a fit after that, ask him if he wants to go to his room. Tell him he needs to talk nicely or he WILL be going to his room. Then take him screaming to his room and put up the gate. Wait 3 minutes and ask if he's done screaming and ready to play now. If you get more screaming, walk away and got back in 3 more minutes. Ask if he is ready to talk nicely and do whatever the activity was now. Don't get mad, don't fuss at him, just say "are you ready to talk nicely now so you can ___________?" As soon as he responds in any kind of positive way at all, react, praise, hugs and kisses and go have fun. If he starts to do it again, ask if he wants to go back in his room or _________.

Eventually he'll realize that he's rather do something fun than sit in his room and scream by himself, and that his tantrum isn't going to have an effect on you.

Good luck!

[LaurKnotter]

Aide can also throw one heck of a fit. He also spends quite a bit of time in time out. Discipline and then distraction works best for us but like others have said all kiddos are different. Just keep repeating to yourself, "patience is a virtue."

[hiskid1324]

I have a determined little girl on my hands who is too smart for her own good a lot of times. She throws tantrums a LOT, and a lot of times I can resolve them simply by figuring out what is wrong (normally it's a misunderstood phrase from her and I'm "doing the wrong thing"). However, there are often times that she throws a tantrum because I say something like "I KNOW you want to go for a walk, but Mummy said noooo. No walk right now. We will go for a walk after (take your pick of activity), but right now no walk." My version of toddlerese, because I can't bring myself to say "No no no no no, no walk, Mummy said no walk, but Rebecca wants to go for walk" LOL.

When there is no reasoning with her and recognizing her feelings doesn't stop the tantrum she gets sent to sit (or lie) on her bed until she is ready to come out and say sorry. She DOES understand that when she is disobedient/disrespectful she has to say (sign) sorry for what she did and give a hug to the person she offended. Sometimes she'll sit in her room for HOURS and scream, and sometimes it lasts two minutes or less. However, it took teaching her that when she is sent to her room she has to stay there before this worked as well... and before THAT we had to teach her that bed time means she stays in her room. It took a LOT of walking her back to that room to get it to click, and it REALLY required a lot of consistency.

Most recently I moved her back to her room for bedtime, and she quit telling me when she needed the toilet (so we had 3-4 accidents minimum in a day), and it was EXACTLY when I started putting her in her room again. We had to decide if we were going to give in and let her come back to sleeping in our room the whole night, or if we were going to continue to force the issue. We decided it was more important to win that battle she had chosen to wage, because it was going to teach her that she could win if she held out long enough if we caved in to her silent demand...

Really, I think it just has to do with you sticking to your guns. We have the benefit that my daughter is like my personality twin, so when the stubbornness/strong will rears its' head, mine is there to fight back, so I do NOT cave easily at all, lol.

[*Leonara*]

I am with Amanda completely. When Brendan is throwing a fit, he doesn't understand a word that I say. The fit has begun the minute 'no' has come out of my mouth. There is no trying to distract him with anything else, unless we go do what he has stuck in his head. I can't ask him to go to his room, because he won't, lol. I can't ask him to stay in his room, because he won't. That is seriously asking too much of him...lol. He knows what it is and all, but he just will not do it. Which is why I have a baby gate in his room. Don't get me wrong, his room is not really a time out place. He loves playing in his room, and I love the gate there so if need be I can close it, and I know he is safe.

But that is why I am asking because I can explain to him why I said no, but it's not like he really understands what I am saying at that point because he is so frustrated already. I can distract him with something else thats fun, but unless its something relative to whatever he is screaming about, he won't want to do it.

Don't get me wrong, his room is not secluded. My house is pretty small. His room faces the kitchen, so when he is in there with the gate closed he sees me doing my thing. I'd never make him feel as if he was alone, never.

I am so envious of those LO's who actually walk into their room, sit there until they calm down, and then come out when they're done. I think I would cry happy tears if Brendan ever listened to me like that! lol! Maybe I could get a video of him doing his tantrum, lol. It's quite funny when I am not busy cooking or something. Lol

Thank you girls, the advice has helped a lot. Patience patience patience! Ahhh! It is so easy to give in to him because he is so freaking cute! He'll be crying in his room going "Pweeeeeze pweeeeeeze!!!!" Like how can I resist that? Then I ask him "Are we done screaming?" He'lll stop and go "DONE!! DONE!! ALL DONE!" and then start screaming again. Then it's a cry cry cry DONE cryyyy cry DONEE! lol

My monster cutie

[hiskid1324]

Lol... you need to realize that Rebecca generally functions closer to the level of a 2.5-3 year old. I don't brag her up much, because a lot of people start feeling like there's something wrong with their kid, or we're pushing her. Hah. More like she's dragging us along for the ride, LOL. People told me I was bad for not getting her into the VBS this past summer... she was ONLY A YEAR AND A HALF! They thought she was a full year older, because she acts that much older. Her comprehension and all other behaviours generally follow that, so in some ways it makes life easier... but she's also ONLY (almost) two. She still has two year old issues that interfere with her "three year old" mentality.

So, yes, she'll walk (or run) to her room to calm down, but two months ago she wouldn't have done that. I would have had to carry her to her room (and I DID), and I would have to put the baby gate up if I REALLY needed her to stay.... or close the door. Our house is like yours-- her room is off our kitchen, so she wasn't ever *alone*, she was just isolated until she was ready to stop. When she was ready to stop, I'd tell her she had to be done, she'd be required to apologize and give a hug, and then she would have to go right back if she started again. Consistency is something we're starting to be really good at here, LOL.

We've BEEN where it sounds like you are right now. Seriously, it took us SIX MONTHS to get past it. It took me four months to get her to stay in her room, let alone bed, for bed time. It took me an additional 2-3 months to get her to stay in her room if she was in trouble. It was seriously an exercise in patience, perseverance, and tearing my hair out, LOL. Last week was a REALLY bad week. She was into everything, the baby was fussy the WHOLE WEEK, and I was literally at my wits end.

But everything DOES pass, eventually. My mother keeps reminding me that whatever battle(s) we're fighting right now with her are setting the stage for what life with her at 3 (and then 4, and 5, and 6.... you get the picture...) will be like. Right now our BIG battle is getting her to come when she's called. She runs away instead most of the time. ARGH. She thinks it's a game, but it isn't a game when she could get hurt one of these days by doing the thing she thinks is fun. We HAVE to get her to figure out that she HAS to come. When I get it figured out, I'll be THRILLED, because none of us has a clue how to convince her, LOL. She'll practice with me perfectly, but as soon as it's put to use, she doesn't do it. *sigh*

[*Leonara*]

LOL! Brendan does the same thing! When I call him, he runs. When I follow him, he runs faster. When I walk faster he runs WAY faster! AHHH we can't win!! LOL! No, I know what you mean. I understand every child is different, I didn't mean to compare, I was just explaining how stubborn my son is lol Honestly, I think little girls catch on to things (like mentally) a lot quicker then boys do, at least in my experience...Well, even as adults.. LOL.

I like reading the stories from you girls though, reminds me that it is completely normal, if not healthy for two year tantrums.

[aydensmama1]

Lol, the girls have given great advice so I have nothing to offer but you are SO not alone on this issue. My kids ask me to take them out ALL DAY LONG! We go out most mornings and do something fun together but the minute we walk in the door they want to leave again.

This sounds horrible but I have closed the garage door and let them ride their bikes in the garrage while I get stuff done. THis way they get to play "outside" yet they can not get away from me. hehe