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For like the past month I have been trying to balance out every single penny I can to do 2 trips,one to Portland,ME for an anime convention in June and another for a cruise in August. My hubby is driving me crazy because he just decided he was going to a baseball game with a friend down to Boston Mass! I have been arguing with him telling him I am stretching every single dollar out so we can do the 2 trips, now he adds the other. When we got our income taxes I planned on saving like 2-3000 dollars so that we had something, but instead we got a new bed and a bunch of stuff we don't really need. He told me when I began doing the money that he wouldn't argue with me, that I had full control over it. However it seems he was just saying that. He has no problem making sure he doesn't write out a check for the electric bill because he wants me to be able to take care of that. The moment he wants something though he does what he wants. I give him a number to not go over at the store, like I told him once to not spend more than 50 dollars at the store... so he spends over 100. I wasn't with him so he did as he pleased. Now the fact of the baseball game,because supposedly he is locked into the commitment to go, I am once again screwed to have to dig money out of nowhere. I am going to have to pay less of like 3 bills and turn off any things that aren't necessary just to compensate for everythingwe are going to do. I have thought of cancelling the trip to Portland but his mother is coming up by plane, that we payed for, plus I have given up this anime convention for 2 years. That was partly due to my boys being born, but not fully, because hubby didnt want me to go to the convention,saying he didnt want me straining myself after their births. He had to do his weekend trip for the lighthouse challenge. In which he also just told people he was going to do without care of my thoughts.
I'm so frazzled right now, I'm waiting for him to suddenly decide we are going to do some other trip in September so that I have to struggle to do that. Plus I tell him he has to give up his soda for a couple months so that we can save that 40 dollars, but he HAS to have his soda. Well, he's going to be shocked when I come home from the store without it. I am eating less to save money and stretch out the food so him and the boys can eat well.
The biggest reason all of this is really tough is because we now have 480 a month to pay for health insurance. He really, REALLY needs to stop being selfish and doing what he wants to no matter what I say. If it were up to him we'd have the electric company at our door every month to shut off our electric November and thats exactly what he did. He just avoided paying every bill so every month it was either losing electic,sewer,water or having no heat that we had to worry about. I couldn't tell you how many times before the boys were born that I had to sit in a cold house in the winter because we couldn't by oil for heat.
Argh... sorry for such a long rant. I needed to get that off of my chest.
*hugs* money is definitely an issue for a lot of people. My DH is the exact same way, when he wants something he will just go out and get it. It doesn't matter if we can "really" afford it or not half the time.
Don't send him to the store with credit card/debit card. Give him cash. Give him an allowance of cash, too. Some people just can't handle money. It sounds like he's one of them. You've got to make sure you put your boys' needs before anything else, so if that means he has to be on such restriction when it comes to money, then so be it. You do what you gotta do. Money sucks. I know how hard it can be.
I agree with Stacey. My DH has a huge issue with $$ as well. It took closing his personal account and our joint account (anything with his name on it) and just giving him a cash allowance to get back to being financially stable.
I know it can be hard, and it will make you feel like his parent sometimes, but some men (and women too) need that extra help in order to budget. If I gave DH access to our account, our rent would certainly be spent on car parts and mountain dew without a 2nd thought.
Also, hopefully you don't take offense to this, but why are you planning vacations if you can't afford them? Just a thought...but instead of the cruise, or your event, put the money into a savings account on the side that your hubby doesn't know about or have access to. That way you have a cushion to help pay the bills if for some reason you come up short. Then you can plan your vacation next year or after you have more time to save for it. I'm aware that you haven't got to do this for a few years, but sometimes you need to put off things that you want to provide room for things that you may need. Again, just a thought.
Last edited by Tamara22; April 5th, 2011 at 01:49 PM.
No offense Tamara ^.^
Originally the only vaca I had planned was the trip to Portland,which I had already planned out the money for. Even the baseball trip he brought in suddenly I could have worked in, the cruise is the killer, I had said to my hubby to put it off until next year, but I have to stop being a push over. He threw guilt at me and I give in. He says ''oh well I'm just TRYING to to do something fun and nice together. I didn't know you were going to be.. ( I forget what term he used here,but it was like tight-wad..something like that).'' He did that kind of stuff, and it makes me feel horrible,so in that I need to be stronger against him.
I'm glad to hear the replies to this thread, it helps me to not feel so bad to want to budget money, because he makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong, like I'm a tyrant with our money. I probably am a bit obsessive because I have 4 Excel forms set up for our money budgeting.
I just wanted to give some advice because I was in the same boat a few years back and I too posted requesting some advice on here. I know how it feels to struggle to pay the bills and it’s no fun. After an issue my DH had last year, all the bills fell on my shoulders and if it wasn’t for having a cushion we would have never made it. I try to encourage everyone to try and build that because you never know what the next month is going to bring. I think that’s also part of the reason I literally make sure every penny is called for now, and am more of a “money hoarder” now than ever.
Well, given that you have had utilities shut off in the past because of his spending habits i would say you have every right to be obsessive. It is upsetting when you are working so hard to budget and he could care less about it. It is even more upsetting that he is being so childish to call you a tight wad (or whatever word he choose to use). Come on, you are being a responsible adult! Ok, so i do agree with Tamara about the trips. It sounds like you really can not afford to do it all and you had reluctantly agreed on the cruise in Aug. I think it is only fair that he NOT go to the baseball game. I mean there has to be some compromise here. I would just give him the choice, would he like to go to the baseball game or on the cruise? I also agree with Stacey about not letting him use the credit/debit cards, send him shopping with cash. Good luck.
Enzo Alexander, Born June 15th 2008, 6lbs 1oz, 20