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I was wondering, but how do you handle your kids being angry? Not necessarily intentional bad behaviour, but just being angry because you told them they couldn't do something and explained why.
For example, Veronika & Natasha were dancing today around the living room. It was cute, but then Veronika grabbed a pencil from a pencil case and wanted to dance with that. Well, after 3 seconds I asked her to put it away because she was waving it in the air and I was afraid she would poke herself in the eye with it. I explained to her all of this so she knew why I asked her to put it away. I also offered she take this fabric magic-wand from her bedroom if she wants to wave something.
Well, she didn't like that. So she threw the pencil in the air, then knocked over a high Lego tower so the pieces went flying all over the living room, and then she folded her hands on her chest and goes, "I don't like anybody!"
We sent her to another bedroom to "time-out" to cool-off for a few minutes, then after she came out, I had a talk with her about why she got angry, why dancing with the pencil wasn't a good idea, etc etc. And she accepted that and moved on. Is there any way I can get her to accept the reason BEFORE and prevent these anger fits?
I think you handled this well, I'd have done the same thing-half the time I can't prevent myself from going into melt down mode, not sure if its reasonable to expect preschoolers to get it right now. I've noticed my "drama-queen" is much quicker to fly into a rage when told no than any of the boys, I seriously think girls are wired differently when it comes to reacting to re-direction
I would have done the same thing as you Julia. My girls get into little angry tantrums when they don't get their way too sometimes. Lily is the one to fly off the handle a bit more than the others, but she's always been that way. We have time outs and cool off times in the bedroom too. I tell them its always ok to feel angry or upset but its HOW they express their feelings and their actions that matter too. They can be mad and angry and stomp to their bedroom, but if they start throwing things, that is what is going to get them into trouble. I think validating their feelings is important, telling them that it is okay to feel however they feel.... but they still need to make good choices with their actions even when they are upset.
If Reid did that, he'd definitely be in trouble. Like Christine said, it's ok to be angry but not ok to act out because of anger. If you have consequences in place for that, she'll eventually get the picture.
Mom to 4 boys and 1 girl
Last edited by 4 boys; June 4th, 2011 at 11:31 AM.
Leah gets hot-tempered like that too, and I handle it the same way you described. I really have no idea how to prevent it before she flies off the handle though. Seems to just depend on her mood, or maybe how tired she is, because other times, she willingly complies w/ requests. I am sort of hoping that as she gets older, and we can reason with her more, the temper can be somewhat tamed.
I really think that's all you can do. The main thing is to be consistent and handle the situation with an even temper. The only thing getting upset will do is add fuel to the fire. Once she starts seeing the results of her outburst, she'll start fine-tuning her ability to control herself.
She's really a good kid, but when she's angry - WATCH OUT!
Thanks for the suggestions and glad to hear others are going through similar things, as frustrating as it is. Natasha is a lot more laid back than her sister and MUCH less stubborn so I don't feel like I have experience dealing with this!
I do the same thing with both of my kids. With Alexander it's not really a timeout since he too old for that now I think. But I do send him to his room, with orders that he is not to play with anything in there, and tell him to think about his actions and how they affect him and everyone else. He gets to decide when he can come out but he has to be ready to apologize and explain to us why what he did was wrong. With Mia it's still just regular timeouts and we'll explain why she was in timeout and she has to apologize.
As far as preventing that kind of behavior, I don't think there is a way to prevent it. And if someone finds out how please share those magic words with me.
I have two --- gosh, I'm not even sure what exactly they're called --- punching bags for kids... bopbags??? If you know what I mean, I have two of those in the family room. Whenever Brennan gets angry I tell him it might feel good to punch or kick one of them. My mom is the one who suggested it (she's a psychologist and has lots of knowledge of bio-energetics). At first I was worried that I was encouraging him to hit and kick things, but she encouraged me to give it a try and make it fun. He picked up really quickly that this item is okay to hit and kick that's what it's for; and he loves them.
It's okay to be angry and it's good to have a healthy safe place for the angry energy to go. It's working out for us, except sometimes he's stubborn and doesn't want to use it when he's angry. He just wants to be angry. And honestly, as long as he's not hurting himself or anyone else I allow him to be angry. I just tell him if and when he wants to talk about why he's upset (if I don't already know), I'm right here ready to listen.
When the kids get a little older I plan to get a real punching bag and small trampoline where they can release some energy. I wish I had a punching bag for myself now! And I won't deny that I've punched their bopbags a time or two as I've passed by! LOL