[LisaB]

I know this sounds silly, but it's just one example of many and I'm not sure I'm handling this type of situation the right way. Yesterday I let Lucy play with a box of birthday candles. She played with them all last night and part of this morning. Now her sister wants some, so I split them up, explaining to Lucy the candles belong to everyone. She's crying like her puppy died. I remember reading somewhere that especially with twins, it's important for kids to have a sense of ownership over some things, so that they don't share everything. Leigh and Lucy each have books and stuffed animals that are all their own, but everything else is shared. Do you think that because I gave the box to Lucy and she played with it for such a long time that I should let her "own" them? And get Leigh another toy to play with? The thing is, Lucy hogs a lot of toys all the time, and sometimes I wonder if it's because I don't let her have enough things that are all hers. Or if she's just being Lucy. Leigh doesn't act this way at all, for what it's worth, but she's naturally easy-going. Oh, and Lucy is really only like this with her sister and brother, not with other kids.

[doremi]

It sounds like Lucy probably needs (more than Leigh) to feel that certain things belong to her. I'd probably give each girl their own set of candles instead of splitting a box that had already been played with by one for so long. But, that is in hindsight, obviously!!! In the moment, of course it made sense to just split the box between them! This kind of pulls the conversation in a new direction, but maybe since having that sense of things belonging to only them is important, they are old enough to start earning some money (if you don't do it already). Then whatever they choose to buy with their money becomes theirs alone. I know for Josiah, the things he has chosen to buy with his piggy bank money become pretty special to him. Just a thought...

[LisaB]

That's a great thought, Sarah. Thanks! We've been planning to get the girls some piggy banks and have them start earning soon but haven't done it yet.

[Ninky]

I really like Sarah's idea!

[~Michele~]

I understand both sides but in our house, all toys are every body's....even birthday toys. Obviously, if it is Max's birthday, he can play with them first but then they belong to everyone. It is just something that works in our house. The boys each have their sleeping stuff (pillows, blankets and a stuffed animal) but that stays in their room, all other stuff belongs to "everyone".