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I'm perfectly happy and don't see a Divorce any where in my future.
To make a long story short my bro-in-law is going through one and it's not pretty. Total shocker to him and the rest of us in the family.
The really crazy part is she thinks she should be included in family get togethers. Plus, she thinks she should be welcomed with open arms and buddy-buddy with the rest of the family. She even had the nerve to ask my bil (he's hosting Thanksgiving) what she needed to bring for TG.
I would say its odd yes, especially if its not a ''friendly'' divorce. I suppose if i were married and just fell out of love with Lee and we both divorced ''friendly'' and had the kids to think about then it may not be ''that'' odd if that makes sense? Lol.
I think she should only attend if its an event that specifically revolves around one of their children.
I agree, if it's one of the kid's birthday parties or a recital/sporting event, that makes sense because it's about the kids. But otherwise, um, yeah, unless it was a super friendly, mutual divorce (which I'm sensing it wasn't if your BIL didn't see it coming) then I'd say she has a lot of nerve! Yikes.
I'm going to add a different stance coming from divorced parents that are amicable.
DH and I both have divorced parents (two of which remarried). When we get together we often get together with all of us (my dad, mom, step-dad, his mom, dad and step-mom).
My parents needed their time after their divorce before things were amicable. They fell out of love with each other but didn't dislike each other as people. My DH's parents are not quite as amicable as my parents are but they put their issues aside for us and for Cooper.
I know the situation that I grew up with is very unique but it works for my family.
That being said I think a lot of it is situational (i.e. what was the reason for the divorce; infidelity is a lot different than incompatibility). Also, it takes time to heal from things. While I do think it is odd that your BIL's ex is so eager to keep things the same now it may be different in the future.
Last edited by MommyToCooper; November 7th, 2012 at 09:25 AM.
I agree with Julia, if it is a situation or am event specific to the kids then, yes, I see how both parents would want to be in attendance. However, a family get together, then no... That seems awkward to me. Maybe years down the road, but not right away.
I've seen different dynamics to this from my life and friends lives but I guess it really depends... but so soon wanting to be included in family get-togethers is a bit odd. Like Julia said birthdays/sporting events/extra-curricular activities that all makes sense or if there was a special event where the family was to get together makes sense, but not just a holiday like everything is back to normal. In most cases, when you divorce you divorce that side of the family too.
I get along extremely well with Zac's wife and her family. During the last visitation Jennifer and I spent tons of time together. I think she is awesome! Although the difference here is we made this decision together. Zac and I agreed that we would forget any hurt feelings that came from our marriage the second we divorced. We went back to being friends like we were before and that was that.
If your brother in law is going through a nasty bitter divorce then there is NO ****** way I would accept her at family functions. Especially if she is currently treating him badly. That is just ridiculous and I think someone should really say something to her about it.
I agree that people can fall out of love and then eventually go to the same events.
I look at my parents. They divorced years ago, both are remarried and they all go out to eat from time to time.
My bil was willing to do anything and everything to keep his 20yr marriage. Basically he found out there was someone else but she refuses to admit it to this day. He caught them kissing in a store parking lot. Their divorce isn't even finalized because she refused to sign on the dotted line. All in all she wants more $$. She is already getting spousal support ($1200 mo), will get some child support ($600 mo/3yrs) and about $300,000.
Yet, she thinks she should be invited to all the family functions. As if it wouldn't be uncomfortable for anyone.
I just don't get it.
Control most likely... Some people crave control. Personally if she is cheating I wouldn't give her a dime. Child support is for the kids and she should go get herself a nice little job and work for a living. Also since I am the out spoken sister in my family I would call her and tell her she isn't welcome at any family functions any longer. Someone has to stand up for him!