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Children dealing with loss of another child

Forum: 2008 Playroom


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October 23rd, 2013, 09:52 AM
SheilaRN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Dallas, Oregon
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You all know that our first baby was Stillborn.
We have tried to be open and honest with Ellie about this issue. We have explained that Annika. Is in Heaven with Grandpa and Jesus. She first learned about Annika when Grandpa passed away earlier this year.
Sometimes she will mention her and say how much she misses her. She says she wishes she was here to play with and things like that. We never tell her NOT to talk about her. I think it is important for her to feel comfortable with her feeling/emotions. Especially with dh and myself. Again and again we tell her she was sick and it was better for her to be in Heaven. All the while still letting her voice her emotions.

I was just informed by her teacher that she has been saying that she misses Annika almost everyday.
I don't want to tell she can't talk about Annika. Yet, I'm kind of feeling like I should tell her it's something that she should talk about at home.
What do you think?

Last edited by SheilaRN; October 23rd, 2013 at 10:00 AM.
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October 23rd, 2013, 06:15 PM
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I have explained to Veronika that sometimes it's best not to discuss certain things in front of certain people, but that it's okay to discuss them at home. ie if a friend has a parent who passed away, not to bring that up in front of the friend, for example. Because it might make them feel sad or uncomfortable. But it's okay if she wants to bring it up at home. I think you have to deal with these situations case-by-case, there is no "one way" to deal with it. If you feel it's best she only discusses it at home, talk to her... but let her know why. If she's anything like Veronika, she'll want an explanation for everything. But Veronika would understand.
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October 23rd, 2013, 11:38 PM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: huddersfield, england
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I'm sort of in the same boat hun as you know Jessica was stillborn also, Keeley knows she's in heaven and also often talks about her, its not everyday but is quite often. It must be confusing for them because they they were born after and i'm not sure what keeley understands about her being in heaven just that she's not here. Its hard to know how to handle this with them being so young.

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October 24th, 2013, 08:49 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,170
Big hugs. I don't know what I would do. I think it is oky for her to talk about at school unless the teacher thinks sheis obsessing over it.
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October 25th, 2013, 12:54 PM
Bermuda Girl's Avatar Andrea Jack & Olive's mom
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Somewhere cold!
Posts: 6,114
I agree with Julia - I would speak with her about what is a private and what you can discuss in public. I would use and example like Julia mentioned, give her a why.
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