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Ok, I'm gonna rant - LONG!


Forum: 2009 Playroom

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  #1  
March 20th, 2009, 03:17 PM
Blue_Twinkles's Avatar Son Up 2 Son Down
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When I was pregnant with Spencer, DF and I had to move in with his parents because of money and such. During the entire pregnancy MIL hardly ever asked how I was doing, how the baby was doing, asked about dr.'s appts., wanted to see u/s pictures. We even had the 20 week u/s recorded onto DVD courtesy of the dr.'s office and when we tried to get her to watch it (it was only 30 min), she yawned and piddled around the kitchen, was up and down the entire time. I don't think she saw even 2 minutes of it. She never asked what was what on the u/s or anything..she acted totally disinterested. And it goes without saying that she never asked to feel the baby. Of course when Spencer was born we were still living with them and currently still are today but we are supposed to be moving this weekend...but that may not happen now...and it's a whole other story. Anyway, when Spencer was born she was all over him. Like she was Grandma of the century! She didn't give a crap about me or him while I was pregnant but when he was born, OMG I couldn't get here away from us!! She was constantly up my butt asking to hold him, if I wanted her to take him, etc. ALL THE TIME. She's always buying him toys and clothes..to the point that we never get to buy him anything because she's getting it all before we get a chance to. Ugh but I've got so many rants about that woman it's unreal. Anyway, my big rant today is what happened at the hospital not one hour ago. DF's grandpa is sick with cancer and the dr.'s said he may not make it through today. So DF went up there while I stayed here a bit longer with Spencer. Then we headed up there as well. We were getting ready to leave and one of DF's aunts announces that a cousin and his wife of almost 2 years is expecting their first child. Of course I'm happy for them. But what ticked me off to the point of insanity was MIL..."Awwww. How far along is she?" And it's not just MIL. NO ONE in his family shows the slightest bit of interest in our pregnancy. People have heard through the grapevine and no one ever brings it up. And it's because we are not married I think. MIL and FIL have a tremendous problem with us not being married yet. They say "Well we're old fashioned. Blah blah blah." I'm so hurt I'm in tears!!! No one cares about our pregnancy or this baby but they're all over the cousin and his wife! But just wait until this baby is born. They'll act like they were here through it all just like they did with Spencer!! It's infuriates me to no end! Yeah maybe we did things backwards but we are **** good parents and we are a loving family but for some reason I think MIL sees us as less than worthy of her happiness and not something to be proud of. Just because we didn't have the beautiful white gown wedding first and then have the kids. I read something on CNN the other day that in 2007 over half of the babies born in the US were out of wedlock and it didn't matter to the parents. But it matters to DF's parents and I feel they are ashamed of us. They love Spencer and always brag about him and spoil that kid rotten..but they hate the way we've gone about having a family. When we told MIL and FIL we were pregnant again. FIL was happy..MIL was completely silent. I knew what she was thinking but I wanted to hear it. So I prodded her and said "So I guess you're not happy then?" She said "Well I just thought you were doing everything you possibly could to prevent this." Later she tells FIL "I can't believe she's pregnant again right now." Why is no one happy for us? I had to practically BEG for a baby shower with Spencer because I wanted one so bad and my own family is so small and the only one that could do it was my mother but she's so wrapped up in her own stupid life it's pathetic. So all I had was MIL. She didn't want to do it because according to her "When I was growing up the mother's didn't throw the showers." So DF's grandma finally did...2 weeks after Spencer was born. MIL and FIL were constantly berating us for buying a changing table, a stroller, etc...ONE month before he was born. The entire time they're saying "Why don't you just wait until the shower?" So we think "Ok cool. I'm getting a shower and maybe these things were already bought since they were on the registry." Nope....no one was putting a shower together. But we had to listen to the griping everytime we bought something. I know my pregnancy hormones are out of whack but I'm sooooo mad!!! Thank you for reading if you made it this far.
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  #2  
March 20th, 2009, 03:27 PM
TulipDawn's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am so sorry that she acts that way. My MIL had the nerve to say prior to us getting pregnant "You're NOT going to get pregnant in Italy are YOU?" Then we announced we were pregnant and all she can talk about is "Why did you guys get pregnant now, I thought you were going to wait until you get back from italy?" Um NO, since Derrick would be 16 and Xavier would be about 7...I think not!

Inlaws can suck. I hope you guys can get your own place soon so you won't have to deal with her crap.
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  #3  
March 20th, 2009, 03:35 PM
*Crystal*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I hate to say that I am the cousin right now. My cousin has two kids from two different men and when the second kid came around no one congratulated her. Most were mad at her because she had only been with this new guy a few months and he refused to work (my mom was supporting them). I was mad because she was 4 months pregnant at my wedding and got wasted. Anyways, as word about my pregnancy is coming out people are acting like this is the biggest deal ever! I am so scared of how she is going to handle it. I love her to death.

Anyways, Do you help you in-laws with bills and stuff? Could she maybe reacted that way because it was going to be another financial worry for them? I am just trying to understand why she would treat you this way. I do not feel like you not being married makes your relationship any less valid. It's not like you are running around getting pregnant by different guys and you aren't committed to them. Don't let her get you down. Focus on you and your baby.

Also, something to remember people do not always react (from what I have heard) the same way to your second pregnancy that they did to your first.
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  #4  
March 20th, 2009, 03:39 PM
monica8's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Awww. I kinda feel like I'm on the same path as you. My SO and I devastated my MIL by getting pregnant. And she treated me like crap. Now she is kinda being nice, but I see through that. I KNOW she's gonna do the same exact thing your MIL did when Spencer was born and be all over the baby once it comes. If it's a girl, she is gonna be even more crazy about it (she always wanted a girl. and hoped that I would embrace her as my mom... but I already have a mom (my mom) filling that position, so thats not happening!!) That's such a hard place to be in, because you know its someone that is going to be in your life forever, so you can't really be mean to her. But its so maddening. I hope you can get your own place soon too!!
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  #5  
March 20th, 2009, 04:09 PM
mrscheriezach's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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i can totally commiserate with you on this, except its not a mother in law it is my own blood sister!!!! I cry everyday cause she is treating me and my husband like crap, she never asks how i am doing, its like she doesnt acknowledge that im pregnant and its been several weeks. and she lives 10 minutes away. She is well older than me with 2 kids i dont know what her problem is. im sorry, its really hard to feel that way i know! I dont have any advice, cause i dont even know what to do right now. (she called me and made me cry when she found out i was pregnant) but i just wanted to let you know that i feel for you.
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  #6  
March 20th, 2009, 04:36 PM
Blue_Twinkles's Avatar Son Up 2 Son Down
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Crystal* View Post
Anyways, Do you help you in-laws with bills and stuff? Could she maybe reacted that way because it was going to be another financial worry for them? I am just trying to understand why she would treat you this way. I do not feel like you not being married makes your relationship any less valid. It's not like you are running around getting pregnant by different guys and you aren't committed to them. Don't let her get you down. Focus on you and your baby.

Also, something to remember people do not always react (from what I have heard) the same way to your second pregnancy that they did to your first.

They do not support us in any way and they do not support Spencer. This is not going to be a financial burden on them. If anything is a financial burden to them now it's because MIL can't keep the credit card in her purse when she's shopping..which is usually stuff for Spencer. And she wasn't even happy the first time we told her we were pregnant with Spencer. So it's not like she was all ecstactic either time.
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  #7  
March 20th, 2009, 04:38 PM
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my mother was like this with my son. All i can tell you is it gets much better once you are out of there, really.
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  #8  
March 20th, 2009, 04:45 PM
*Crystal*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommy~2~Spencer View Post
They do not support us in any way and they do not support Spencer. This is not going to be a financial burden on them. If anything is a financial burden to them now it's because MIL can't keep the credit card in her purse when she's shopping..which is usually stuff for Spencer. And she wasn't even happy the first time we told her we were pregnant with Spencer. So it's not like she was all ecstactic either time.
Lord! Then she REALLY has no reason to be treating you that way... not that financial reasons are a reason to mistreat someone. I am so sorry she is being like this.
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  #9  
March 20th, 2009, 04:47 PM
.kristen.'s Avatar Raising Little Marines
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I would be mad too! My MIL was like it. I think it is just crazy inlaws I think. Hoepfully it sinks in to her! We are here to aww over your pregnancy what do you need inlaws for? haha have a better day!
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  #10  
March 20th, 2009, 05:25 PM
~Paula~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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It comes with the title, MIL. lol I do think once you are out of there, things will be a lot better. Just focus on your baby and getting out of there and ignore her.
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  #12  
March 20th, 2009, 07:16 PM
fishysticks's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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You have every right to be mad. I have the same sentiments towards my step mother. it's very frustrating to have someone be so thoughtless and so pushy at the same time.

Screw what they think. If you and your SO are happy that is ALL that matters. I know it hurts to have people not show any interest, i've been there and currently am there.. sadly I don't have much advice with how to deal with that- just know you're being the bigger person by not acting like a child.
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  #14  
March 20th, 2009, 10:49 PM
Blue_Twinkles's Avatar Son Up 2 Son Down
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Thank you so much ladies!! I have calmed down a lot since this afternoon. DF and I went out to eat and talked. We are still moving but it may not be this weekend. May be another week or so. But the great part is that we ARE moving and we WILL be out of here! LOL Sometimes I get along with MIL but for the most part..I can't stand her and I think a large part of it has to do with us living together. I'm so hoping things will get easier when we move. DF says it will and MIL and FIL will give us our space...let us pray that is true. Thank you ladies so much for your support and replies! I love JM and the Oct 09 DDC!!
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