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Sorry I have been MIA, been having a hard time


Forum: 2009 Playroom

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  #1  
March 24th, 2009, 11:50 AM
2Corinthians10:4's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 12,959
Sorry I have been so MIA lately ladies, I have been having a really hard horrible time this past weekend/week. Jamie had not tried to contact ME at all all last week, but had been telling everyone that the only reason I broke up with him was to get back with Dusty. Then on Saturday he first shows up at my friends Cassie and Jays house and harrasses them about me for an hour or so, saying Im crazy and that I will never get rid of him, and Im insane to think he will ever leave me alone, baby or not. Then he tells them he is going to call my doctor and get all my information from him, they told him he was acting insane and that the doctors office wouldnt give him any info anyway. Then he was like "Well Im going to go talk to her mom." They told him not to come to my house (it was 10:00 at night) and to just leave me alone. Then he calls my mom and leaves her a voicemail saying he is coming over. My mom NEVER answered or called him back and about that time Cassie called me to tell me what happened. Next thing I know my doorbell is ringing and I open the door and just say "Leave" and close the door again, he rings my doorbell 5 more times! I open it again because my mom is upset and almost in tears and my dad is now awake and mad and so I tell him "I dont know if you misunderstood me but leave or I will call the cops" and slam the door again. I thought that was the end of it, but turns out my friend Natasha (who lives right down the street from me and right next door to my grandma) is driving home at that time from work because she is a waitress at applebees. He gets out of his truck and corners her in her driveway harrassing her about me, when she doesnt give him any information he goes next door to my grandparents and wakes them up crying to them that I am a horrible person and he hasnt said anything about me or done anything crazy and that Im lying about him. My grandma calls me Sunday because she was up all night crying because he scared her.

Now I guess this is somewhat all my fault because I never let anyone (not even yall) know how he was treating me. Jamie was not nice to me at all. I should have listened to people when they told me how he was with his ex and listened to him more closely when he told me the things he did to her when they broke up. He wasnt controlling at all until we got back together in December after being broke up for about a month, but it wasnt too bad. He just would get mad if I talked to other guys or they tried to talk to me. Then when we got back together after I found out I was pregnant he started really being overbearing and controlling. He flipped out on me because Dusty texted me and asked me if he could pick up Addi, he screamed and told me Im not allowed to have any contact with Dusty at all, even if he is Addi's dad. Then when I was sick and at home by myself just wanting to sleep he called because he had drove by and saw I was the only one here. He wanted to come over. I said no because Im tired and he screamed at me that I was cheating on him and that I HAD to let him come over, saying I was hiding something from him, then when he came over he got into my face and screamed at me and tried to force sex. I told him no and that I had to go get Addi and rushed out of my own house to get away.

Ladies Im scared. I dont want this baby, I dont want any connection to him at all. I know its hard to believe but I only even slept with him twice. Once before I got pregnant and once after we found out. He makes me sick to my stomach. I dont know what to do. Im scared.

Thanks for letting me vent ladies. On the bright side today is my babys first birthday.
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  #3  
March 24th, 2009, 12:00 PM
TulipDawn's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Wow, I don't know what to say...

I will be thinking and praying for you...
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  #4  
March 24th, 2009, 12:09 PM
2Corinthians10:4's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My family wont go for adoption. They freak at the mention of it.
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  #5  
March 24th, 2009, 12:14 PM
Snowpeas
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First of all great big I can't imagine trying to cope in that situation. Can you get a restraining order? I know it's just a piece of paper but it might help him know you're serious and any violation is taken seriously by the police. You and your family should not have to feel afraid of him.

As far as the baby goes. You are the only one who can truly make the decision. I can understand why you feel the way you do. If adoption is something you would want to do your family shouldn't have a say in it. I can understand how the pressure can be difficult to deal with though.

I wish I had some good advice but I don't. Know that I am praying for you and thinking of you!
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  #6  
March 24th, 2009, 12:15 PM
*Hayley*
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i don't know what i would do if i were in your position. it really saddens me that you are going through this. are you afraid of what he'll do if you terminate the pregnancy (plus, i think it's getting down to the last few weeks if you're considering this)? if you don't want the baby, maybe sign over all parental rights to him. i'm so, so sorry.
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  #7  
March 24th, 2009, 12:17 PM
Mrs.Shirley's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am sorry you are going through this. You will be in my t&p.
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  #8  
March 24th, 2009, 12:21 PM
2Corinthians10:4's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I have considered terminating, but my dad found out and flipped out on me. He told me he would never forgive me and would pray that God never gave me any children again. I am also scared of how Jamie would be with the baby. He used to get mad when Addi would cry and when he would get mad at me he would grab her and hold on to her so tight she would scream and when she reached for me he would turn around so she couldnt see me.
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  #9  
March 24th, 2009, 01:41 PM
*Jennifer*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope whatever decision you make brings you peace.
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  #10  
March 24th, 2009, 01:57 PM
.kristen.'s Avatar Raising Little Marines
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I don't know what I would do in the situation. If you decide to terminate, that is your decision and God would forgive, that what he does doesn't he? And if you carry the baby you can always get his parental rights taken away right and a restraining order? I mean you have a legitamate reason and the courts should listen to you.
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  #11  
March 24th, 2009, 08:38 PM
monica8's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Aww I'm sorry to hear you have to go through this. I'd say if you have to get the police involved you should. I had a horrible relationship that the only way to make things get back to normal was to get the police to keep him away in the end. I mean it did make things harder for a little bit, but I don't regret it in the end because I was never really sure what he was capable of and it's nice to know he can't just come in and out of my life as HE pleases. I don't know if that's right for you, but no one needs to have added stress while pregnant (or raising a child). If he was out of your life completely, maybe it would be easier to move on. Plus you'd be able to focus your energy on Addi and her little brother or sister. That's just a really tough situation. I really hope things work out for you.
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  #12  
March 25th, 2009, 04:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by addi_luv_mommy View Post
I have considered terminating, but my dad found out and flipped out on me. He told me he would never forgive me and would pray that God never gave me any children again. I am also scared of how Jamie would be with the baby. He used to get mad when Addi would cry and when he would get mad at me he would grab her and hold on to her so tight she would scream and when she reached for me he would turn around so she couldnt see me.
Well that should have given you an indication right there of what kind of man he was but if I were you and he had done that to my daughter he wouldn't have lived to talk about it. He's not her father and has no right to reprimand her. On another note, I see you are younger than most of us but you are old enough to terminate your pregnancy on your own... if you aren't comfortable with telling you parents tell them it was a miscarraige... it's none of their business anyway what you do with YOUR CHILD! I am very pro-choice and believe that no one, especially in an extenuating circumstance like yourself is going to be "****** to hell" for a decision you had to make... NO ONE ELSE IS GOING TO MAKE IT FOR YOU... I suggest you make it VERY soon though. At this point you need to think "*** Jamie and my parents, this is my life and i have to decide how I live with it"... seems to me everyone is trying to make it seem like this is not your decision when in reality its all in your hands.
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  #13  
March 25th, 2009, 06:16 AM
SusieQ2's Avatar Jersey Girl
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Sweetie, first of all march yourself down to the police station and get a restraining order. Pronto! Have your family get one too so he can't harass them either.

Make an appointment with your Dr or Planned Parenthood. They can counsel you on your options whether that be termination, adoption or keeping the baby. If you are considering termination as an option than you need to make an appointment to discuss it soon.

No offense but who really cares what your family thinks about what you decide? You're old enough to have had one child and be pregnant with another. This is your decision NOT theirs. It's harder to do without their support but ultimately you are the one who has to deal with the consequences of whatever decision you make. Do they really want you to be forever linked to an abusive awful man?

Even if you keep the baby it isn't easy to have parental rights terminated unless he chooses to have them terminated. You have to have proof that he's abusive and even if you have proof of that they'd likely say that it doesn't mean that he'd abuse the baby. It's a screwed up system but unfortunately that's the way it is.

I hope you find a way to work things out. This guy sounds completely toxic and someone you don't need to have in your life and he certainly doesn't sound like father of the year material.
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  #14  
March 25th, 2009, 07:15 AM
Mystic_Mommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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*hugs* I'm so sorry hon that you're forced to go through this! I definitely agree that you should get the police involved, keeping him away from you will be the first step to working through this heartache. I hope you think a lot about what you want to do involving this pregnancy, I realize he or she is apart of Him... but the baby is also a part of you. I just hope that you put a lot of thought into this decision first, 'cause I would hate it if you made a choice that later brought you painful regret. Take it in baby steps and follow your heart
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  #15  
March 25th, 2009, 07:45 AM
ThatGirl's Avatar Rawr.
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Document everything. Call the police every single time he comes to your house and have your family do the same. You are going to need all the proof that you can get when it comes time to get a restraining order. I don't know how it works where you are but here if you have an open case with the police you can automatically get one. They last for 10 years and if you do decide to keep this baby it will help in family court to show that he is off his rocker. I am so sorry that you are going through this. Maybe I can come and kick him in the shins for you. I'm a pretty good shin kicker.
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  #16  
March 25th, 2009, 07:54 AM
CriscoNinja
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Quote:
Originally Posted by .kristen. View Post
I don't know what I would do in the situation. If you decide to terminate, that is your decision and God would forgive, that what he does doesn't he? And if you carry the baby you can always get his parental rights taken away right and a restraining order? I mean you have a legitamate reason and the courts should listen to you.
I can't even imagine what you're going through! You're in my T&P's and I hope you get a restraining order against him!
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  #18  
March 25th, 2009, 10:04 AM
Genevieve's_mommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Toledo OH
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hon i a m soooo sorry that you are going through this. its NOT fun. ive been there done that. (luckily no baby was involved)
A restraining order will do NOTHING. its j ust a peice of paper, its not going to stop him from doing anything.
you need to call the cops. get him incarcinated or something get him away from you, addi and your unborn child.dont termintate, you'll regret it. consider adoption even tho your family wont be happy with it. i bet the moment you hold that baby i n your hand you wont be thinking you'd give it up. just bcs its his, it doesnt mean that you need to keep in contact with him.
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  #19  
March 25th, 2009, 08:20 PM
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It sounds like you are really going to have to work to get this guy to leave you alone, baby or none. You should do what YOU think is best. Make sure your decision is for you and not your family. There are a lot of families out there who would love to adopt a baby and you would be doing them a huge favor.
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