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OT: Ex husband... am I being unreasonable? Vent!


Forum: 2009 Playroom

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  #1  
April 23rd, 2009, 06:41 PM
tracemomof3's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 191
My sister in law thinks I may be being unreasonable i don't think I am....


Ok I've beyond had it with this man. He wants the universe to revolve around him. Our orginal visitation agreement was weekends. We went to court and he rushes thru the court hearing agreeing to whatever I say just to get it over with. forfits his rights to mediation and set in writing visitation days and times. I mean everything just so he can start hooking up with this new girl. Anyway, it ended in two hearings with me having primary residency and him only having reasonable rights of contact with no set schedule in writing. So since Feb he's only been seeing them Sundays for a few hours and calls maybe once a week. Then his schedule changes and he starts taking them overnights everyother weekends(twice so far). So he took them this weekend. So now he decides he has the right to take them all weekend every weekend which would normally be fine. BUT he's still working everyother saturday and he wants his girlfriend to take them (2-11pm) while he's working. Ha! I don't think so. So he calls tonight and tells me he's getting them whether I like it or not. Said it to my 6 year old actually! Then me when I told her to give me the phone. He's extremely agressive. If fact last weekend we got into it while he was here(because he decided when he got here he only wanted to take one child and leave the other. I told him it was both or nothing) and he screamed at me after I asked him to lower his voice. Saying I couldn't control him. I wasn't trying to but your not breaking someone's heart. He's 6'0 350 and i'm 5'2 140. So I made it clear what the divorce papers say and told him I would be contacting my lawyer first thing in the morning to see what to do. Maybe I can get a restraining order?
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  #2  
April 23rd, 2009, 06:44 PM
ThatGirl's Avatar Rawr.
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Location: Michigan
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Wow, I'm sorry you're going through this. I would say that you should document everything and definitely contact your lawyer. Don't make any threats to him and know that you don't have to do anything that's not in the court order. If he wants it changed he had to petition the court for it.
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  #3  
April 23rd, 2009, 06:50 PM
tracemomof3's Avatar Veteran
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Thats where I might be screwed. He lets my kids down all the time and i've made it a point the last two times to send him nasty emails telling him he was a deadbeat dad. Which he is. But thats majorly going to bite me in the butt if this does go back to court.
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  #4  
April 23rd, 2009, 06:54 PM
~Paula~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Ohio
Posts: 27,123
Notice you said your sister IN LAW... I take it this is HIS sister?
No you are NOT being unreasonable!! You take one, you take both! You take them, then YOU keep them, not your girlfriend. It'd be different if it was an hour or two but 9 hours!! Come on, that's just to spite you!
Call your lawyer, he's WAY out of line!
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  #5  
April 23rd, 2009, 06:57 PM
tracemomof3's Avatar Veteran
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Yes its his sister but his family isnt talking to him because of what a bad father he is. She thought it was weird because I actually approve of the girl BUT she would have them all day and be putting them to bed. Im not ok with that.
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  #7  
April 24th, 2009, 06:02 AM
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I think it's awful that he would want to take one child and not the other. That could easily break that child's heart!
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  #8  
April 24th, 2009, 06:04 AM
CriscoNinja
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I don't think your being unreasonable...
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  #9  
April 24th, 2009, 06:18 AM
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Location: Fort Campbell KY
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my husband and i are going threw something similiar but him and i are married and his its his daughter with another woman, she dont want me in the picture what so ever but seein as in how we are married she has no choice, now that may sound horrible to some but if you knew exactly how this woman was you wouldnt be saying that. this child calls me "mom" on her own not us telling her. If he is having aggressive behavior, talkin bad about you to the children, makin "threats" thats not ok he can get in trouble for that b/c the mother to my husbands child tells her all the time that her daddy is "bad" and im "trash" and she dont even know me.she got into alot of trouble for that. shes the one with the three counts of prostitution and being a stripper whos trash? . what ever is going on between parents stays between them the children should of no knowledge of whats going on between mommy and daddy b/c it dont sound to good. and as far as the girlfriend goes shes just a girlfriend nothing else, she has no rights. id see what you could do to take it to the max id also get visitation in writing like every other weekend when hes home and have it documented by the courts that way if he violates it, he is the one in trouble. As hard as it is to keep your cool, kill his bitterness with your kindness dont add fuel to the fire let him hang himself b/c in the end its all going to come back on him not you. and i dont think you are being unreasonable your being a mother and trying to protect your children and one day they will see whats going on and realize just that. trust me my father was the same way and to this day i do not talk tohim.

best of luck with it all sweetie and keep your head high!!!
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  #10  
April 24th, 2009, 06:33 AM
ThatGirl's Avatar Rawr.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tracemomof3 View Post
Thats where I might be screwed. He lets my kids down all the time and i've made it a point the last two times to send him nasty emails telling him he was a deadbeat dad. Which he is. But thats majorly going to bite me in the butt if this does go back to court.

I don't know that you'll be screwed. A friend of mine is in a similar situation right now and she had said a few choice things to her ex through an email too. Her lawyer said that if he whines about that the judge will laugh at him. I'm not saying that you should continue firing emails back and forth but the ones already sent might not be that damaging. Also you should know that you are not required to communicate with him at all. The only days that you should have to see or talk to him are the days he picks up the kids.

It's all about the kids and what's best for them. He can't take one child over the other and I would think that on his visitation days that he would actually want to spend time with them instead of work.
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  #11  
April 24th, 2009, 08:08 AM
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I don't think you are being unreasonable. I'm a child of many divorces. I have a twin sister. My father got us every other weekend and 2 weeks out of the year. We always wanted to see our dad but sometimes he had "more important" things to do. when he had to work on his weekends we spent most of our time at my aunts house. So his time was spent with my aunt. You may end up needing to return to court and have everything spelled out in writing of what his visitation is. You should also express to the court your feelings about him leaving the children with his girlfriend and his aggressiveness. They decide on supervised visits. Good luck. I hope everything works out.
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  #12  
April 24th, 2009, 08:24 AM
SusieQ2's Avatar Jersey Girl
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Location: New Jersey
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I think you should definitely get a written court order as to exactly when he is to have visitation. That will protect everyone involved. That way he won't be able to say you don't let him see the kids. He won't ever be able to tell the girls when they are older that the reason he wasn't around is because you wouldn't let him. You'll have the paperwork to back yourself up. Plus if he were to take the kids and not return them when he's supposed (according to only a verbal agreement between you) there isn't much you can do. If you have it on court documents you can call the police and have them make him return the children.
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