Anyone feel like they didn't bond with their baby immediately?

#1 August 4th, 2009, 07:51 AM

For both first time moms and btdt moms....

I know in some cases the bonding happens immediately, and for others it takes some time. In my case it took some time due to pre-e, baby in the NICU, and baby developing colic for a few months. After all of that we had more time to have those warm, bonding moments, but before that it did take me some time to warm up to being a mother.

I know a lot of people say that they fell in love immediately, bonded immediately, etc, but I just have to remind myself that I wasn't given the opportunity to have the more normal L&D experience--for me that really made a difference in the beginning. I had to just be glad that we were both healthy and figure out how to deal with my experience.

...Aimee... · #2 August 4th, 2009, 08:28 AM

I didn't either. They took him from me really quickly and I didn't get to be the first to feed him... Neither of us did and it makes me mad every time I think about it. My husband was there too and they didn't have him feed our son. Jerk offs. Anyway... I also got really sick for about a month and a half after to the point I could barely get out of bed. I was afraid to hold him because I was afraid of dropping him because I was too weak. All I would do is feed him when my husband brought him in to me and then he would take him back so I could keep resting. I felt really cheated on that... It made me really depressed and I felt like I missed out on a lot of my sons first moments of life and that bonding time. I felt really detached...

Rebecca^ · #3 August 4th, 2009, 09:52 AM

I feel like I bonded adequately with all four of my children at birth but I had some PPD with Anna and I went through these times where I kind of resented my bond with her, I felt like it was being forced upon me, I don't know, it is hard to describe.

That being said, my cousin and also my husbands mother both had issues bonding with their babies. I know this is pretty common but kind of a taboo topic so a lot of moms don't feel comfortable talking about it, ya know. I am glad we are in a time where moms can be open about this and get help if they need it.

HopeWishWait · #4 August 4th, 2009, 12:11 PM

I didn't even SEE Conner for 3 hours after I gave birth. I had a c-section for which they had to put me out because the drugs weren't numbing me at all. So I feel really jipped in that department but I think we bonded fairly well when I finally got to see him. It could definitely have been better though.

Shyann's_Mommy09 · #5 August 4th, 2009, 02:01 PM

I go back and forth on this one......when I first saw her I was in love and I knew right from the beginning that we would be close but then again the more I think about it I realize how much my DH bonded with her at first than I did. He held her first after the CS and even though I did get to hold her and take her back to recovery and my room with me right away and we breast fed right away I don't really think we got that initial bond in. You could tell by all the pictures of her when she was born the only ones we have with me in it at the hospital is right after delivery in the OR.........every other picture is either her by herself, with other people or mostly with DH. She also for a very long time would only really respond to him and that killed me. That's why I'm so bound and determined next time to have a VBAC.

Now she is a mommys girl all the way except that a lot of the major things she has done have been with him first. She smiled at him first and she laughed at him first.

BrookeN · #6 August 4th, 2009, 03:17 PM

It definitely took me longer to bond with Lena than it did with my son, mainly because I had so many complications after her birth and I was in pain, in the hospital some, and just out of it for awhile. We've made up for it since I've been well though.

I also think it's great that we can share things like this with each other and I hope it helps others to open up.

Mama Melissa · #7 August 4th, 2009, 08:49 PM

The baby blues hit me a bit after Violet was born, she was so gassy and full of reflux issues that she cried all the time and I just had a hard time bonding, also because I was so uncomfortable from the c-section. Once we dealt with the reflux and I got a bit of rest, things got better!

You are defintiely not alone hun!

#8 August 5th, 2009, 03:47 AM

I felt I bonded well with Kirsty in the beginning. She developed colic at about 3 weeks old and for the first month of that I found it very difficult. She cried constantly, some days from noon until 9pm, solid. I had days where I just wanted someone to take this baby for just an hour. The I would feel horrendously guilty for thinking/wishing that.

Looking back I now see that it is a natural reaction to a difficult situation. Plus I was the only one who could feed her as she was BF and wouldn't take a bottle. Our relationship is fine again now though. Not that I boast, but I know she adores me and me her

At times this makes things difficult though! I sometimes can't leave a room without her screaming heartbroken, even if daddy is holding her or right beside her! In one hand it makes me feel special but then again I know it's not such a good thing for her to hate seperation so much.

Mars · #9 August 5th, 2009, 05:32 AM

I never got to hold Amara immediately after birth or breastfeed her immediately due to my emergency section but I feel as though we bonded when I came to and finally held her in my arms. She would just gaze into my eyes so "lovingly" and we had some wonderful mommy daughter moments of just staring at each other. Even now we still have those moments while breastfeeding or sometimes when she wants to be held.

Delekatala · #10 August 5th, 2009, 11:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alexa5

For both first time moms and btdt moms....

I know in some cases the bonding happens immediately, and for others it takes some time. In my case it took some time due to pre-e, baby in the NICU, and baby developing colic for a few months. After all of that we had more time to have those warm, bonding moments, but before that it did take me some time to warm up to being a mother.

I know a lot of people say that they fell in love immediately, bonded immediately, etc, but I just have to remind myself that I wasn't given the opportunity to have the more normal L&D experience--for me that really made a difference in the beginning. I had to just be glad that we were both healthy and figure out how to deal with my experience.

Uhh I am, just gonna DITTO every word you said.

I wasn't even able to get to the nicu until a day and a half later. Though Eddy did run up and down to take photos and put them on my laptop. LOL I think I had him doing it every half hour. Then when I was able to get to the nicu I bonded with genevive and not Lillian. She was so alert and fun, and responsive. Lillian was so tiny all she could do was lay there. I dont know. But I am greatful for it now, because I spent a lot more time with genevive those first couple weeks.

#11 August 6th, 2009, 07:48 AM

This was a great way for all of us to air our experiences in this regard! Thanks for sharing, I really appreciate knowing that others have felt similarly. Other than the quick moment they let me see him after delivery, I didn't get to see Nicholas until the day after delivery due to still being on magnesium. I remember my doctor who is also now Nicholas' doctor, who wasn't able to deliver me because I had to be transferred to a hospital with a NICU, stopped by to visit the day I delivered, and he offered to go up and see how the little guy was doing, which was really nice. Even when I did get to go see him it was a bit surreal...hard to connect the fact that I had given birth to him, as he was in his incubator in the NICU.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Delekatala

Uhh I am, just gonna DITTO every word you said.

I wasn't even able to get to the nicu until a day and a half later. Though Eddy did run up and down to take photos and put them on my laptop. LOL I think I had him doing it every half hour. Then when I was able to get to the nicu I bonded with genevive and not Lillian. She was so alert and fun, and responsive. Lillian was so tiny all she could do was lay there. I dont know. But I am greatful for it now, because I spent a lot more time with genevive those first couple weeks.

Thank you and totally understand how you feel. It was a tough road for both of us, but definitely for you since you spent so much time in the hospital before giving birth, and experienced the loss of one of your babies. And didn't Lillian develop colic as well?

Mom2twolittlemen · #12 August 7th, 2009, 05:19 AM

I don't feel like I bonded with Bradley immediatley after birth. In fact, I didn't get to hold him for 3 hours after his birth. It was awful and it totally upset me

. I planned on pulling him to my stomach right after birth and nursing him and well.. it wasn't possible because he needed help in the NICU right away. I could see him for a few minutes in his little isolette but, there was no bonding.

It totally sucked having this happen but, as soon as he was stable they brought him to me to nurse.. and bonding happened instantanouesly with BF'ing. Those three hours were brutal for me and totally unexpected. They were by far the worst three hours of my life.