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I wouldn't count it out just yet - I would try it again. I know Reagan fights and fights agaisnt the swaddle and the next thing I know she's asleep. She also likes to 'suck' while she's settling down for a nap - so you might want to try the swaddle with a pacifier...if you are planning on using one. I let her fall asleep on her belly and when she's completely limp, I move her onto her back in between a sleep positioner, swaddled.
I know by now you may want your space and body back,but someone recently said something to me that made a LOT of sense: Babies are carried constantly for nearly 10 months or more in some cases. THEN, all of a sudden we swaddle them and place them in cribs and allow them some alone time so we can have some alone time. I am all for swaddling and trusting your instincts, it is how I parent but, sometimes the best comfort is being skin to skin with mom or hearing a familiar heartbeat. I hope everything works out for you. It seems you have been struggling since day one.
Pray for patience and God gives us paatience, just not the way we want it! It will come, you are both learning each other a little more everyday!
I know all swaddles are different, but have you tried the Miracle Blanket? This blanket is so worth the money.. When Adriana was a newborn, she liked to sleep on her tummy, but once I tried this swaddle she slept on her back and was a happy baby..
I'd try putting him on his side swaddled before you get the mat. When you put him down is he already asleep, or half asleep? It worked better for my kids if they were mostly asleep when I put them down.