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kinda O/T...guilt about having baby 2?


Forum: 2009 Playroom

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  #1  
October 16th, 2009, 12:43 PM
mommy_tu_2's Avatar Super Mommy
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Does anyone else feel kind of guilty about having baby number 2? Or did you?

I have tried to prepare Hannah for having a baby sister (books, doctor visits, helping decorate the nursery, etc..) but you really can't fully prepare a child for that. She has no idea that her life is about to change forever and it makes me feel kinda bad. Like I'm doing her some injustice or something

It doesn't help that all anyone wants to tell me about is how they are going to fight all the time and she is going to be jealous of my attention and blah blah blah. It seems like no one believes that she will love having a baby sister. And people look at me like I am crazy when I tell them that's what I'm hoping for.

My only sibling is 7 years younger than me, and I lived with my dad after he was born, so I have no idea what to expect.....ugh....

Is this normal at all?? Sorry, I just needed to vent a little...
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  #3  
October 16th, 2009, 01:01 PM
~Paula~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I remember going into melt down mode when I was close to the end of my pregnancy with my 2nd. My oldest was 8, but it didn't matter. She had been the ONLY one for 8 years and I felt like I was trying to replace her or something.
She was THRILLED to have a sister on the way and was not jealous AT ALL. At my shower, some people brought her things as well, she loved that.
Now, I did the same thing when I got close to having Abby. I was so afraid my 2yo would feel she was ditched and not loved, etc...
Turns out, she's doing so well and LOVES to "help" with the baby. She'll run over look at her and say, "aww, so sweet". Or if she can't find the baby she FREAKS out and runs around, "Where's my baby, where's my siser". lol
I did notice she's been a bit hyper but no anger torwards the baby but just extra active.
Just be sure to focus some time on your oldest and let her help as much as possible. It'll all be ok and she will LOVE having a sister.
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  #4  
October 16th, 2009, 01:10 PM
Snowpeas
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Yes! Felt the same way. Felt I was gyping Olivia of her childhood or turning her whole world upside and ruining her life. Sounds dramatic, but it was true!

As soon as I had Josiah though and we came home from the hospital those worries and fears went away. She loves her brother and loves on him all the time. When I look at her now I realize she was meant to be a big sister.
I've come to realize what a great and incredible gift giving her a sibling really is.
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  #5  
October 16th, 2009, 01:24 PM
mommy_tu_2's Avatar Super Mommy
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aww thanks ladies. im glad im not alone. and no, that doesnt sound dramatic at all bc thats totally whats been going through my mind. Like she would hate me forever and talk about me ruining her life by having "grocery" to her therapist in 20years lol

and then I feel guilty for feeling guilty, like it means I don't love "grocery" enough or something....ugh, the joys of motherhood huh? lol
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  #6  
October 16th, 2009, 01:34 PM
Snowpeas
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I wish I had known motherhood meant signing up for a lifetime of guilt. lol
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  #7  
October 16th, 2009, 01:37 PM
mommy_tu_2's Avatar Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommy2Olivia+Josiah View Post
I wish I had known motherhood meant signing up for a lifetime of guilt. lol
yea, they fail to mention that in those parenting classes, lol. My mom told me she was the same way though, and I never would have quessed that bc I didn't even live with her with my brother was born, so I guess we are no different than every other mom in the world.
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  #8  
October 16th, 2009, 03:08 PM
mommy2Breana+Brandon's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I felt like that for awhile especially the closer I got to having the baby.

But Breana has adjusted well so far.
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  #9  
October 16th, 2009, 03:17 PM
hoping4more
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i had mine 17 months apart. i felt guilty about not having all the same amount of time with gabe but he really didnt notice that much. i dont feel guilty at all now. both kids are so excited. i feel more guilty for my stepsons who are teenagers. i dont want tthem to feel like we are trying to start a different family, but they know thats not the story. anyway people love to say they are going to fight and everything.... dont listen to them. my boys have times were they dont want to share their toys or whatever, but we have taken the time to teach them how to share and why sharing is good. and treat one another with respect. i cant tell you how many compliments i get on my kids. i had one person go on about them today. i dont know why people like to say stuff like that. its probably cause they are upset about their own life and want to drag you down with them. just block them out, you and baby and your daughter will be just fine! hugs
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  #10  
October 16th, 2009, 03:18 PM
SusieQ2's Avatar Jersey Girl
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I'm feeling the same way. I've been trying to spend extra time with him and I feel guilty knowing that soon I won't have quite as much time with him. He's only 2 so he doesn't really understand what having a baby in the house is going to mean.

I keep trying to remind myself that at least he's had me all to himself for over 2 years. The new baby will never have the opportunity to be the only child and will always have to share Mom and Dad.
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  #11  
October 17th, 2009, 05:16 PM
drewbears's Avatar Mom to 8 AWESOME kids!
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I honestly have had that moment of feeling like I was being mean or unfair with having another child. Unfair to the current youngest, cuz their world will be changed so much no longer the baby.

BUT I really feel that there is no better gift than a sibling! Hopefully a best friend for life!
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