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separation anxiety anyone??


Forum: 2009 Playroom

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  #1  
April 19th, 2010, 09:42 AM
catherineclare's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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So, I was wondering if anyone elses babies had extreme separation anxiety? We have been dealing with this from day 1. If I remember with my oldest he wasn't picky about what family members held him...he loved his mama, but he was ok with others. Ben has NEVER been ok. I swear from the day he was born he could sense when I wasn't in the room. It took him 3 weeks at least for him to be ok with my hubby holding him and even then I had to be right there. It's not as bad as that anymore, but still I can't be out of his sight longer than 30 minutes really. That's just long enough for a shower and to do my hair. Then he is bored with Daddy and wants to see me again. I have left the house once without him for 30 minutes (yes, once in 6 months) and he was screaming the whole time...he cries and yells till he chokes. So, if he doesn't go with me I don't go. Needless to say this is getting a tad old. I love my baby boy, but it would be nice to be able to go somewhere alone for an hour.

Other than the constantly needing to see me and know I am in the room, he is fiercely independent! I mean he's crawling, pulling up...goes anywhere he wants and gets there fast. He's a total daredevil, but albeit Mommy better be right there LOL!

Argh..I woke up this morning feeling stressed about it and needed to vent. Anyone else having this issue???
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  #2  
April 19th, 2010, 09:50 AM
Peytonsmomma
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Peyton has been the same way, i know it's tough but you got to start weaning yourself from him, start out by doing once a week for 30 minutes away, i think what happens is "other" people holding the baby will handle the crying for a few minutes and then say -oh he/she just wants there momma and give the baby back, heck peyton sees her dad once a week now and they dont know each other and yes she does scream alot during the day with him but i need the time away and they need to learn to let you have this break even if the baby cries and all babies cry till they make themselves choke well at least peyton does lol
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  #3  
April 19th, 2010, 10:01 AM
catherineclare's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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With us it's not my husband not handling the crying...he tries to. He walks him, takes him outside, tries to play etc etc, but I can hear Ben wailing and he will not stop until I take him back. The other night we were at the mall and I was walking behind the stroller and my hubby was pushing it. Ben was ok for awhile then realized he couldn't see me. When I walked next to him he had tears in his eyes and he was so sad..he was looking at me like I abandoned him. I felt really bad.
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  #4  
April 19th, 2010, 10:08 AM
Peytonsmomma
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but you need time for yourself, right there he needs to learn to be away from you for a little bit, maybe i just think of it differently, i feel it's ok for a baby to be away from there mother for a little bit. he already knows that if he cries you'll come and rescue him, so start by weaning yourself from him, i'm sure that you would like to have alone time with your husband right
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  #5  
April 19th, 2010, 10:23 AM
catherineclare's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Alone time comes after the kids are asleep.
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  #6  
April 19th, 2010, 10:39 AM
Peytonsmomma
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well good luck i do know what you are going through and it's tough
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  #7  
April 19th, 2010, 10:41 AM
monica8's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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HUGS!! I hope you get a little break soon. It's probably going to feel so weird when he does want a little more independence from you. That can be so tiring though!

Levi is the exact opposite way. He will go to anyone and does not favor me at all. Sometimes I wish he cared a little more! The other day he was reaching out for the cashier at the grocery store. He even was hamming it up for some lady on the street that had minimal teeth and looked rather creepy. At least he's accepting . I wonder if separation anxiety will ever kick in for him.
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  #8  
April 19th, 2010, 11:15 AM
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I know what you mean. Kadence does this too, but it's not as bad. She always wants me and is OK with DH for a short time and stays with my dad during the day and is fine, but if I'm around it's me or no one. She cries when other people hold her and they look at me like it's my fault. She seems to be OK with my mom and one of my sisters for a short time. I think they remind her of me somehow. It's hard breaking away because when you do you feel guilty and then if they are OK with not being with you it makes you sad. I agree you should start weaning yourself to the point where you are OK with the amount of you time you have. I only get me time when the kids are asleep or when I'm at work. It's definitely hard. Good luck!
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  #9  
April 19th, 2010, 11:57 AM
Christine_D's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Reagan is picky, but not extreme.... she definitely prefers me to my DH and will let some other people hold her/take care of her depending on her mood or how she feels about the person.

The funniest thing happened yesterday - my DH was holding her and she kept smiling at DH's friend and just having a ball with him. So DH asked if he wanted to hold her - the moment she realized DH's friend was holding her, she started balling. I had never seen her do that!
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  #10  
April 19th, 2010, 12:52 PM
SusieQ2's Avatar Jersey Girl
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I know how you feel. For the first couple of months Jillian would barely tolerate her Daddy holding her. If he had to hold her while I got stuff done she'd burst into tears. She's much better with him now and but she still prefers me or to at least be able to see me.

When I leave to go to the store or something without her I try to do it while she's asleep but lately she has been much better with DH and I can leave for a little while and she's fine.

She doesn't really like anyone else holding her for more than a few minutes though, not even her grandparents. After about 3-5 minutes she's done and as soon as I take her back she stops crying.
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  #11  
April 19th, 2010, 01:52 PM
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I am sorry hun! I know this has to be tiring!

Bailey is fine with Tom and me, and her grandma's. But anyone else she just cries. Even if someone just starts talking to her a lot.

I would try leaving Ben w/ DH more often, like maybe going for a 15-20 minute walk daily, and increasing the time as Ben gets more comfortable with it.. I am sorry I am not more help.
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  #12  
April 19th, 2010, 02:08 PM
MellieB's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Lucy is the same as Levi. Anyone and everyone is her friend.
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