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Just wondering how bad it is for you, what you do to help alleviate it, and how it is affecting you?
The last 2 weeks have been terrible for us. (as you can see by me posting at 2 am which I never do.) Nora has pretty much never slept though the night but once or twice I can handle.
But the last 2 weeks she has been up frequently during the night for hour(s) at a time giving me about 2-3 hours of broken sleep.
DH had his surgery 2 1/2 weeks ago and then I went to the hospital and was diagnosed with an ulcer. We had my mom and his mom and his aunt and uncle in the house quite a bit helping with Nora and I think that is part 1 of her sleep issues. During the 2 weeks after DH's surgery he couldn't pick Nora up so I was doing 100% of the night duty (except for 2 nights when his mom stayed here to help us when I got up only briefly).
She is on the cusp of walking (does 6-7 steps at a time) and I think that is part 2.
Part 3 I can only guess is molars coming in but I can't see them. She is drooling more though.
Our No Cry Sleep Solution is failing miserably right now, and I just don't know how much more sleep deprivation I can take. It's really taking it's toll on DH and I because we are both so sleep starved our fuses are THIS short. I feel like it's affecting my life in every aspect and I'm so exhausted and frustrated.
So sorry you are dealing with this Kim, I know how difficult it is, and yeah, it does effect everything...add in trying to recover from an illness...and it makes things even worse.
I tried to think back to the last time I slept a full 6 hrs, and I honestly can not remember. I would gather to guess its been years, at best. Not only do we have the issue of STTN...I am a raging insomniac, so, even when the baby is doing well and sleeping, I am not. I've learned to live with it and cope with the problems it causes me mentally and physically...but Id love to know what it feels like to be well rested. I know it is a huge contributing factor to my recent health problems, my doctor was surprised it took this long for something to happen, he has been trying to help me correct this for years...with only a few short bursts of success.
Everyone that knows me knows..."Mel is all hours"...like the local grocery or something.... so its not unusual for my phone to be ringing at 2am...or 6am...everyone knows ...Im up. Sad, really. I keep waiting for age to catch up with me and make me "sleepy" but I seem to have enough energy for 5 school children regardless of how much I do and how little I sleep. I am perpetually mentally exhausted though and it really does effect every aspect of your life...and it is not fun. I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy.
I hope everything settles soon and you can get some rest...it sounds like you just have a ton of factors right now that are contributing. Hopefully soon, a few of them will resolve (nora's teeth, the upset of having others around for awhile, etc) and you can get some much needed zzzzzz's In the meantime....I would make it your main focus outside of caring for Nora...forget the laundry, chores etc and just cat nap whenever you can. Good luck
__________________
~Melissa~
Mom to: Samantha 7-11-87, Scott 9-5-90, Dustin 7-20-91,
Seth 7-6-98, and Joel 7-13-09
We have only had one or two nights of 6hrs sleep.. he is back to his up every hour! and I am exhausted. Dh does not help out with him.. I have 2 other kids to tend to.and I am with them All day everyday( I love being home with my kids, but I do not have any help. it's just me. i do everything but make money. dh just makes the money. this is part of our problem an a different thread to start... but yeah. I am frustrated and exhausted. i know babies do not sleep good(or well most) I've done it before. but my girls were not this bad! they only woke up once by this age! I have tried everything and nothing gets him to sleep.. I do not want to CIO.. I have been arguing with a friend on fb(her page) about this.. not details for her.. but I just do not feel comfortable doing it.. I know my kid and I know this isn't something that will work for him or me..he was like this in the hospital. up all night and didn't matter if you held him or not, he was not happy.. It's hard for me to not think it's something more than just wanting to be held.. since it has been going on since day one... but I have no idea what it could be. I am thinking of getting the rescue kids remedy Angela mentioned..I hope it's safe to use daily..but I want to see if it'll help him relax.
also, my husband deals with insomnia(and some other sleep issues) so i am wondering if it could be passed on..
although all he does all day is fuss and cry and whine too. so i don't know. this kid is so confusing.
sorry that was off topic sort of..
I am VERY sleep deprived.. I can't think and can't handle any stress without melting down or fussing at my kids.
we only have two bottom teeth. I sure wish they'd hurry up and come in so I know if this is part of the problem or not.
__________________ Allysa 1/25/00
Victoria 4/26/06
Ray 7/24/09
oh mama... I so can relate. I'm very lucky adam is finally sleeping but the first 9 months of adams life were really really hard... I was so tired, never in my life have I gotten such little sleep..
I drank a ton of coffee just to stay awake during the day, I slept when adam napped and when I'd put him to bed, I'd go to bed (although he was usually up in an hour max :/) I slacked on housework, I ordered take out for dinner.... essentially I didnt do much for that 9 months but sit around zombie like and I tried my best not to feel guilty about it... dh was usually pretty supportive.
The only thing I can suggest is to get some help... I know as a mama its so hard to actually reach out to friends and family and ask for that help. but there were a few times I'd call a friend or family member and say "can you please come over at 6am and play with adam until 9am so I can get 3 solid hours of sleep" but it was hard to ask for that... try that and see what happens.
as for the cio stuff... I'm not for it BUT at a certain point, I think its ok to let them go 20 mins or so... depending on the type of crying it is... I cant lie, its how I got adam to sttn and it happened by accident... we had friends staying with us and for some reason the monitor was OFF, next morning our friend said "ohh are you guys trying the cry it out method?" dh and I were like HUH?? well adam had cried for 30 mins but we didnt hear him and every single night since then he is sttn. Occasionally when I put him down at night, he'll cry, I just kiss him and say night night baby and I leave... within 2 mins hes out cold. and occasionally he wakes up in the night, I dont rush in there, I watch him on the monitor and judge whats happening... within 5 mins, hes out again. Before I would have picked him up right away if he cried when I put him in the crib and I would have rushed in to get him if he cried in the night.
I truly think by not rushing in there, you give them the tools to sooth themselves which I've now realized is soo important.. I was his soothing tool but now HE is his own. and dont misunderstand me, I hate CIO... makes me feel so out of control but now that he's a year, I know he's not hungry, not sick etc... he just wakes up and since he's a baby, he cries... but theres nothing he needs from me most of the time.
do you try motrin now and again? when adam was cutting his top 4 teeth (all at once) motrin helped him a lot... I'm not a huge medicine giver but if your baby is in pain, relieve it. Ive I had pain from 4 teeth, I'd medicate lol.
how long do you let her cry before you go in? do you have a video monitor?
Thanks to all of you who responded and I am sorry that you have or are going through the same thing. Mel I thought of you as I typed this, knowing you have similar sleep issues as I do. I have never been a good sleeper-- I take an average of an hour to fall asleep on my own with no disturbances, and every little sound wakes me up. My husband snores, that wakes me up. The neighbor's dog barks, I wake up. I toss and turn all night long and am never really comfortable. Sleep aides offer temporary relief but they aren't an answer. My DH is actually angry at this point because of my sleep disorder... he thinks I could cope better if I was a 'normal' sleeper.
Andrea, I don't let Nora CIO.... I've been thinking about it though. I usually wait a minute or two before going in. I know part of the 'problem' is us... we have taught Nora that she cannot fall asleep without us there to rock her and hold her.... and I wish I could keep it up with the frequency that she gets up, but being on the go all day and woken up so much and for so long during the night is really taking it's toll.
We started the No Cry Sleep Solution and started seeing some positive results in the beginning. Than DH had surgery and I had the agonizing stomach pain and we had help coming in... and the NCSS crashed and burned. We started up again but have never made it past phase 1... and even that has been a real struggle and it's been over a month since we started. I am so tired I can't even see straight. Some days I am afraid to drive because I think I'll fall asleep at the wheel or crash. I'm not much of a coffee/soda drinker anyway but now with the ulcer I'm not supposed to have it at all.
I really don't know what the answer is... I nap when she does almost every day, and I still do all the cleaning, laundry, shopping, and other house hold chores (mowing the lawn, though DH did it a few times when I was PG with the SCH.) He's very busy with work and school and I know he is at the end of his rope too.
I am pretty lucky lately.... Benji has been waking once or sleeping through the night. Aidan still wakes up about once a night but it is easy to get her to bed (we just climb in... bought her a queen bed for that purpose, everyone gets sleep that way).
At first I was very anti-CIO... I just couldn't fathom letting my little boy cry for more than it took me to get upstairs to his room. Well then he started pulling little tricks where he wanted NOTHING. He didn't want milk, he didn't want to be rocked... well kid, then wth do you want?! So I just started laying him back down and leaving. That is what it took, even though he cried. At 3am I was just too tired to play little games. He got the pic quickly.
Also, I wanted to add that our bedtime routine is very short. Jammas, bottle, into bed. With Aidan we used to rock her to sleep and all that and now we are paying the price. Benjamin will play in his crib until he falls asleep, but he does not cry unless he truly isn't tired in which case I will go back up and get him up to play a little before trying again (second try has never failed).
I truly believe that the child's temperment has a lot to do with it. And of course, it is what you let them get away with. Our pediatrician recommended CIO at about 8-9 months old. I was NOT ready for it then!
P.S. If I am tired, I don't clean. I just wanted to add that. I will do dishes because if anywhere needs to be semi clean its where we get our food, but forget vaccuuming and scrubbing toilets and all that. If I get really excited I will make a bed : P
__________________ Alexis, mom to Benjamin and :
Thanks cavewoman!
I've been having a rough time with this too - I can't sleep at all myself, mostly pregnancy related I think. And then in the last couple of days J has been waking up a bunch more than normal. I work about 60 hours per week as well, so I don't usually get to rest during the day, so it has been rough. I actually have to travel for work Sunday-Tuesday and am so excited about the prospect of a quiet hotel room but am pretty sure I'll be waking up anyway
Im going to have to agree with Andrea and Alexis on the CIO....really at this point, they are more than old enough to handle a little crying. I am completely against CIO for infants, but our kids arent infants anymore...and they are quickly moving in to the stage where they can and will try to manipulate what they want with behavior. Mine is a master of it, lol..he will yell at me if I ignore him for even the tiniest second..and will even slap my legs if I am on the phone and dont acknowledge him.
Most kids dont LIKE going to bed...they cant comprehend that sleep is good and they feel better if they sleep...to them it is just being isolated from everything and of course that ticks them off. When an infant cries they need something, when a toddler cries....they could need something, but they could also just be ticked off because they arent where they want to be (ie out of the crib and playing somewhere) A lot kids this age, if given the opportunity to sleep in an unconfined area...would get up and play instead of going to bed...mine sure would...he would go all night if he had the chance.
__________________
~Melissa~
Mom to: Samantha 7-11-87, Scott 9-5-90, Dustin 7-20-91,
Seth 7-6-98, and Joel 7-13-09
really at this point, they are more than old enough to handle a little crying. I am completely against CIO for infants, but our kids arent infants anymore...and they are quickly moving in to the stage where they can and will try to manipulate what they want with behavior.
Most kids dont LIKE going to bed...they cant comprehend that sleep is good and they feel better if they sleep...to them it is just being isolated from everything and of course that ticks them off. When an infant cries they need something, when a toddler cries....they could need something, but they could also just be ticked off because they arent where they want to be (ie out of the crib and playing somewhere) A lot kids this age, if given the opportunity to sleep in an unconfined area...would get up and play instead of going to bed...mine sure would...he would go all night if he had the chance.
I agree in principle with you Mel, but it's funny because sometimes J will wake up just SCREAMING, but you can leave him and it doesn't get any better even 20-30 minutes later (if anything, he gets more hysterical). I'm coming to think when he does that it's a night terror thing, since he can also stir, call out, and go back to sleep on his own. When he has these other times, though, it doesn't matter what you do with him. He doesn't want to be held, he doesn't want to be in our bed with us, nothing. It's frustrating. I wonder if it could still have to do with the move and being in a room he's still not recognizing at night?
Anyway, I am just trying to say that, like anything else, I think there are possibly exceptions to times when CIO at this age would work/ be the right choice. But who knows, maybe he is just really sneaky at manipulating us
Anyway, I am just trying to say that, like anything else, I think there are possibly exceptions to times when CIO at this age would work/ be the right choice.
oh I totally agree! sure there are going to be times, or instances, or certain circumstances that spawn a true need behind the crying. Like kim has said about Nora...people around that normally arent there, possible teething...there is always the chance that there is something genuinely wrong..and of course, you being the momma would know, if its really something...or when its nothing. Im saying when you know its nothing..then CIO isnt a horrible thing.
__________________
~Melissa~
Mom to: Samantha 7-11-87, Scott 9-5-90, Dustin 7-20-91,
Seth 7-6-98, and Joel 7-13-09
no sure fire formula I suppose, lol...I have always just gone with my gut...if Joel were to wake up in the middle of the night screaming...for us, it would be a definite sign something is wrong...since that is totally out of character for him. normally, he just whines, and then yells at me, its not a cry really its more of a "hey! get me out of this crib"
__________________
~Melissa~
Mom to: Samantha 7-11-87, Scott 9-5-90, Dustin 7-20-91,
Seth 7-6-98, and Joel 7-13-09
The most sleep I have had in a year was one 4hr stretch a night for a week or two. I am tired I keep getting sick and I am beginning to wonder if this is why I have lost so much weight. I have periodically let Ethan cry to see if he will go back down but he never has. I have let him go for 30min and he just gets angrier. CIO doesn't work for him. Ben and I were just talking about this last year and what the sleep depervation has done to us. But we dont know what to do. I can't force it. While the Inlaws were gone for a week we got a few nights with 2 4hr stretchs but no more we are back to every 1-2hrs. I have No Cry but am not feeling like any of it is helping either. Ugh I feel you and wish I didn't
I have no magic formula or answer to any of you sleep deprived moms. Each of our scenarios are different! If you sleepless mommas had my situation a sidecarred bed with the magic ambien boob would be enough lol. Alas...
In any case, Kim I definitely agree on the motrin...give it before bed and see if it helps. I have also heard different people say to rub benedryl on their gums before bed...that it helps with the pain and a good side effect is that it helps them sleep. I have never personally had to try it but would if I had to.
I'd say let things go as much as you possibly can around the house so you can catch up on some z's. Also I would be more than willing to babysit for a couple hours so you can sleep...Nora likes me and my water cups lol. I worked for years as a toddler daycare teacher so three 3 and under doesn't scare me lol. No jokes...PM me!
I would never advocate CIO no matter the situation, but I get it as well. Avery has been left to scream for 20 plu sminutes as well because I just can't get to her. Times when I have to put Nichole to bed. I can't ignore my 4 year olds crying for the baby just as much as I wouldn't ignore Avery for Nichole. Sometimes one just has to be left.
Avery does not settle down after 20 plu sminutes either, like above she becomes hysterical!!!! Screaming gagging puking hysterical. But sometimes I have no other choice.
I think the key is to keep trying a few things and find what works. Avery's sleep has gotten better. We still have nights of up for an hour or so but better. For her the first 2 nights were the worse but no worse then when we weren't trying something right? lol
What I did was nurse her to sleep like I have been(no need to change EVERYTHING in their world right lol) then when she woke (every 3-45 minutes) I would NOT pick her up, but would just stand next top her bed and lay her back down and pat her back rub her belly whatever was close lol. She would scream and scream!!! Sometimes it took 45 minnutes plus of getting her back down. Other times it took 30seconds. I figured out the quicker I went to her when she woke, the faster it was to get her back to sleep. She wakes and immeditaly stands up. therefore waking herself more. So if I went in there as she was standing up, i could lay her back down and she would go to sleep quicker.
The worse were around 1am... she would fight and fight and fight because she wanted to nurse. She was used to nursing 8 times a night because well it works to get her to sleep.....
I set the time 2am in my head. And stuck with it. If she woke after 2 I would nurse her., She was not used to not nursing so I felt it was fair. So I would nurse her at that time and she would happily go back to sleep.
Every night got better!!!
Now only whjat 2 weeks later including her having a surgery which set us back a bit because she was uncomfortable and wanting to be closer a lot I think she was trying to reform that bond kinda thing. But she is sleeping better. Still not good though. She goes to bed between 6:30-7:30 and usually wakes around 9 or 10, but goes back to sleep easily. Then she wakes around midnight... usually the hardest to get her back to sleep, 15 minutes or so. then up around 3, nurses.... but around 5 and I usually put her in bed with me and she sleeps till 7ish. So still a work in progress but its not up for 3 hours at midnight either... lol
I have no magic formula or answer to any of you sleep deprived moms. Each of our scenarios are different! If you sleepless mommas had my situation a sidecarred bed with the magic ambien boob would be enough lol. Alas...
In any case, Kim I definitely agree on the motrin...give it before bed and see if it helps. I have also heard different people say to rub benedryl on their gums before bed...that it helps with the pain and a good side effect is that it helps them sleep. I have never personally had to try it but would if I had to.
I'd say let things go as much as you possibly can around the house so you can catch up on some z's. Also I would be more than willing to babysit for a couple hours so you can sleep...Nora likes me and my water cups lol. I worked for years as a toddler daycare teacher so three 3 and under doesn't scare me lol. No jokes...PM me!
Jen you are very sweet and I appreciate that! When I am desperate I do call my MIL to come and play with Nora for a few hours and she has been a big help. I do give Motrin at night or sometimes Tylenol when I think teething is an issue (and I do think that is part of it right now.)
I'm hoping we'll get through it, we're still trying NCSS and hopefully things will get better. I just really had no idea how tired I would be and how much it would affect my life, my marriage, everything!
Quote:
Originally Posted by nvr.4.gtn
I would never advocate CIO no matter the situation, but I get it as well. Avery has been left to scream for 20 plu sminutes as well because I just can't get to her. Times when I have to put Nichole to bed. I can't ignore my 4 year olds crying for the baby just as much as I wouldn't ignore Avery for Nichole. Sometimes one just has to be left.
Avery does not settle down after 20 plu sminutes either, like above she becomes hysterical!!!! Screaming gagging puking hysterical. But sometimes I have no other choice.
I think the key is to keep trying a few things and find what works. Avery's sleep has gotten better. We still have nights of up for an hour or so but better. For her the first 2 nights were the worse but no worse then when we weren't trying something right? lol
What I did was nurse her to sleep like I have been(no need to change EVERYTHING in their world right lol) then when she woke (every 3-45 minutes) I would NOT pick her up, but would just stand next top her bed and lay her back down and pat her back rub her belly whatever was close lol. She would scream and scream!!! Sometimes it took 45 minnutes plus of getting her back down. Other times it took 30seconds. I figured out the quicker I went to her when she woke, the faster it was to get her back to sleep. She wakes and immeditaly stands up. therefore waking herself more. So if I went in there as she was standing up, i could lay her back down and she would go to sleep quicker.
The worse were around 1am... she would fight and fight and fight because she wanted to nurse. She was used to nursing 8 times a night because well it works to get her to sleep.....
I set the time 2am in my head. And stuck with it. If she woke after 2 I would nurse her., She was not used to not nursing so I felt it was fair. So I would nurse her at that time and she would happily go back to sleep.
Every night got better!!!
Now only whjat 2 weeks later including her having a surgery which set us back a bit because she was uncomfortable and wanting to be closer a lot I think she was trying to reform that bond kinda thing. But she is sleeping better. Still not good though. She goes to bed between 6:30-7:30 and usually wakes around 9 or 10, but goes back to sleep easily. Then she wakes around midnight... usually the hardest to get her back to sleep, 15 minutes or so. then up around 3, nurses.... but around 5 and I usually put her in bed with me and she sleeps till 7ish. So still a work in progress but its not up for 3 hours at midnight either... lol
Kaytee we have decided to stop offering a bottle at night unless it has been 6 hours or more since she had a bottle (at bed time) because part of it is if she has a bottle in the middle of the night often she poops which is a traumatic experience for her at night, wakes her up, gets her upset, and the diaper change wakes her up and pisses her off (every diaper change these days is a wresting match!). If it is before 6 hours and she can't settle I now offer a few ounces of water in a bottle (I figure if I wake at night and am thirsty, why not her? But water won't make her poop and sometimes just the sucking action soothes). I try to play detective, is she too hot, too cold, hungry, thirsty, poopy, wet, in pain, gas, etc. I'm not always on the money but I do try to rule out a physical cause first.
oh I wasn't saying you should feed her, thats just what I do... but yay I guess its been 6 hours too. lol actually more since she goes to bed around 6:30 and I won't nurse her till at least 2am....
Just saying what we have been doing has helped, but I can't say it would help with Nora. I think the key is to try different things untill you start to see an improvement and then go with it
London (since Birth) sleeps for and wakes up about every 3 hrs.... he still does. The amount of time he is awake how ever is less than 2 min...i'm guessing thats why I don't really notice.
With some teething here and there its more frequent and I can tell the every 1-2 hr nights even if up for only a moment.
Prior to our last long flight london was not happy (got two teeth coming in). Well I pulled out the big guns, I skipped the normal rescue remedy I use (because thats not sleepy thats just relaxing herbs) and gave him a 1/3 of a normal dose of Baby zzzz's (Baby Zzzz'S All Natural Sleep by BNG Enterprises - BG-1016 - at The Vitamin Shoppe)
He slept AMAZING! Best he has ever slept! To bad it was on a plane so I didn't get to enjoy that
We had a bad week and I couldn't function...it was horrible, i didn't do anything but care for london and sleep when he slept. I called in dad, and he took one night so I could sleep 4 hrs. But if I didn't have troy there I would have gave him the above med to help him sleep. So I guess I'm anti-CIO but Pro-Herbal sleep drugs! LOL
London (since Birth) sleeps for and wakes up about every 3 hrs.... he still does. The amount of time he is awake how ever is less than 2 min...i'm guessing thats why I don't really notice.
With some teething here and there its more frequent and I can tell the every 1-2 hr nights even if up for only a moment.
Prior to our last long flight london was not happy (got two teeth coming in). Well I pulled out the big guns, I skipped the normal rescue remedy I use (because thats not sleepy thats just relaxing herbs) and gave him a 1/3 of a normal dose of Baby zzzz's (Baby Zzzz'S All Natural Sleep by BNG Enterprises - BG-1016 - at The Vitamin Shoppe)
He slept AMAZING! Best he has ever slept! To bad it was on a plane so I didn't get to enjoy that
We had a bad week and I couldn't function...it was horrible, i didn't do anything but care for london and sleep when he slept. I called in dad, and he took one night so I could sleep 4 hrs. But if I didn't have troy there I would have gave him the above med to help him sleep. So I guess I'm anti-CIO but Pro-Herbal sleep drugs! LOL
BIG hugs to all you sleep deprived moms!
Angela if she were awake for a few minutes at a time I could probably manage, but we are talking 3-4 times a night an average 45 minutes each time and sometimes as long as 4 hours. It's brutal. I am way too leary of non FDA approved/tested drugs to try anything like that for Nora. Although I will take herbals for some things myself I just don't trust them enough to try them on my baby, you know? But- I am glad he slept so well for you!
We had a few good nights over the weekend (she was just plumb exhausted after the day's activities) but last night up for 2 hours. If I can get it to be intermittent like this it's more manageable.
