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This week diet and exercise. Hopefully it lasts. When I do something I throw my all into it, then crash and burn.
strangely, right now...cleaning! I am obsessed with making sure I see not a speck of dust or a crumb where it's not supposed to be. Tom is SHOCKED I've deep cleaned the kitchen and bathroom 4x each in the past 3-4 weeks.
And of course my drug addiction. Yes I am clean, but it is always there... When I stepped on the scale yesterday after a week of really doing well with eating right and working out, I had only last 1.9 lbs. It broke my heart. I IMMEDIATELY started thinking about how if I was shooting up, I wouldn't have this problem. When I was using I dropped 50 lbs in less than a month, and kept it off after getting clean until well into my pregnancy with Bailey.
Though the desire to lose weight, and to feel that high again are ALWAYS with me, some moments way more than I care to admit, it is never there enough for me to do anything about it. I guess there is a positive side to being lazy! I am just plain TOO LAZY to scrounge up the money, make the call, and the drive, and especially to find a store that will sell me clean needles. WAY too much work for a couple hours of euphoria.
Nicole: Tom's Wife [5.7.05]; Mommy of Thomas [9.6.05], Collin [1.17.08], & Bailey [10.2.09]