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So that was short-lived...


Forum: 2009 Playroom

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  • 3 Post By katidid622
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  #1  
May 19th, 2012, 11:18 AM
maryslittlelambs's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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After 6 short weeks Jeff has decided he does not want to work things out. Problem is we do not have the resources to separate, so until I get a full time job and he gets a part time job we are going to be "roomates". Probably till January of next year when taxes come back.
As much as I am torn and devistated, I think I have no option at this point but to move on. I am still praying, but must come to a realization for both me and the kids.
We will still be moving on post and will accept a year lease, but we will not stay there past a year.
I'm slowly coming to grips with it. I probably shouldn't post it on a public board like this, but I feel like I really have minimal fault in this. He assures me that if the other woman wasn't in the picture he wouldn't be leaving me, but that he feels trapped now.

Sigh...someone please just wake me up from this nightmare.
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  #2  
May 19th, 2012, 12:22 PM
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I'm so sorry Mary! I don't even know what to say.. I'm so angry and upset on your behalf. I hope that things work out for you.. You're a strong woman and a great mother. We're here for you!

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  #3  
May 19th, 2012, 01:43 PM
MommaTrish's Avatar bless your heart
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I've got nothing to offer but lots of hugs and to let you know I feel so horrible for you.
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  #4  
May 19th, 2012, 04:55 PM
Story's Avatar French Canadian
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I didn't know you 2 were going through tough times

I'm so sorry...
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  #5  
May 19th, 2012, 05:19 PM
gabbymurphy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm so mad for you Mary. I'll keep you in my prayers for sure. I hate that you are having to go through this.
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  #6  
May 19th, 2012, 05:36 PM
maryslittlelambs's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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thanks everyone...this afternoon he has been normal with me, even mentioning going to church tomorrow. He told me today that we can still snuggle at night if I want to. I told him I would not be DTD with him anymore...I'm done.
I'm still very raw with everything. Part of me is relieved...as horrible as that sounds. We've been married for 16 years and the last 6 have been like this. Like I said, I'm still praying for a miracle, but am coming to a place of acceptance as well.
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  #7  
May 19th, 2012, 08:24 PM
GranolaMamaOf3's Avatar ~Heather~
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I'm so sorry Mary! I guess I just assumed when he said he wanted to work things out that that meant the other woman was no longer in the picture..
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  #8  
May 19th, 2012, 08:26 PM
maryslittlelambs's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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so did I...the marriage counselor asked him to not contact her for 6 weeks and he said he didn't want to do that...after the appointment was when he told me he was done.
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  #9  
May 19th, 2012, 09:34 PM
Mommy2PrestonandGavin's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm so sorry Mary You are a really strong woman and you will get through this. I hate that you are going through this though and it has to just be gut wrenching having him still talking to the other woman. That's not fair. You deserve so much more!
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  #10  
May 20th, 2012, 02:46 AM
kristianna's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm so sorry Mary that you have to go through this. I'll be praying for you. It seems very selfish on his part to have given you false hope about reconciling only to dash that again a few weeks later. I hope and pray that you find peace in the midst of all this.
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  #11  
May 20th, 2012, 07:25 AM
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Well I hope he realises what he is giving up, a great wife, a wonderful mother.. but to be honest if he can´t appreciate you and all that you do, he doesnt deserve you. I hope its not too trying having to be roomates for a year, especially if he is thinking of seeing the other woman. I hope you aren´t thinking of doing his cooking and washing!
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  #12  
May 20th, 2012, 02:24 PM
katidid622's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Ugh, this just down right pisses me off. I really feel like he is trying to have the best of both worlds here, and at your expense much less. this whole situation just sucks. And the fact that you will have to live with him for another year just makes it worse. Is there no way that you guys can live separately? Even if he goes and moves in with this tramp and still pays half of your rent? Is there family that ou and the kids could move in with? I'm sorry, I know these are all things that you have probably considered or thought of, but I just hate knowing that you are going to have to put up with this for another year. If you guys are going to be "roommates" them that is exactly what you need to be. No hugging, no kissing, no cuddling, no sex, no nothing. If that's what he decided he wants, then that is what he gets. It's going to be hard and I'm sure he'll try to swoon you and screw with your emotions. Just don't give in to him. It might feel nice and appreciated at the moment when it's happening, but in the end it'll just make things harder.

He's screwed up a good thing and screwed it up big time.

Hugs Mary!
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  #13  
May 20th, 2012, 04:24 PM
maryslittlelambs's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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She lives in NY and he's stuck here for another year + till retirement. Part of me is trying to prolong the legal divorce aspect so I can get more benefits. Regardless I will lose my health insurance once the divorce is final. The kids will retain theirs. He is very on again/off again with me. I told him absolutely no DTD. I will no longer change in front of him, hold his hand and give him the evil eye every time he calls me hon, or says he loves me. He says he does still love me but he's staying out of obligation at this point...yet he went to church with us this morning
I'm trying to hold fast to my faith right now because right now that's all I've got. I have several IRL friends who support me, but obviously no one has the answer. He's got the whole deck of cards at this point, and he knows it.
I just need to get a full time job.
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  #14  
May 22nd, 2012, 12:29 AM
LJD3Tdance's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I hate how bipolar he's been about this with you.
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  #15  
May 22nd, 2012, 10:27 AM
LadyBugMommyof1's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I cannot believe how he is treating you...make him move into another room and refuse to let him go in your car to church? It's time to draw boundaries and protect yourself and your emotions. If he wants to go to church, let him take his own butt there!!!

I'm sorry you are having to continue to deal with his indecisiveness and his tramp of a woman up in NY...
katidid622 and ForestJenn like this.
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  #16  
May 23rd, 2012, 01:02 PM
danniegirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am so sorry that you are going through this. Trust me it sucks You will get through this and be stronger than ever. Thats atleast what I tell myself everday.

He will however realize the grass isnt greener on the other side.
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